OH hasn't come home, don't think he's going to....

[Eeeek686]

Just that really, and now I can't sleep.

We fell out (well, I got cross with him and hung up) when I called him at 11.20 to ask where he was as he hadnt let me know he was staying out (he's a chef, usually stops after work for quick beer with colleagues but usually let's me know and is still pretty much home by 10.30) and hasn't replied to any further messages asking him to get in touch as he doesn't have a key....

Am I supposed to just go to sleep with him and I knowing he can't get in?? Where will he sleep?? What will I tell the kids in the morning??

He can be a thoughtless Dick sometimes but he's never done this before....

I don't know what it means??

God I'm depressed.....

[Eeeek686]

Any soothing or comforting words greatly appreciated.... feels like a new level of crapness in our relationship. Surely I can't just accept this? He never admits he's wrong at times like this. He did apologise on the phone but didn't sound it, really (he was pissed).

He had a works thing today that was a bit of a 'jolly' so he was prob riding high from that bit surely he could've still let me know he wasn't coming straight home...

Is that such an unreasonable request?

[Eeeek686]

Rats. Should've posted this in chat maybe..... or Aibu.....

[PersianCatLady]

Personally I would try calling him one final time just to ask if he is coming home and if he is does he expect you to wait up for him to let him in?

I am assuming that he doesn't have his own door key???

If he doesn't answer the phone to you send him a text saying that you are going to bed in half an hour and if he doesn't let you know what he is doing then that is when the door will be locked and you don't want him coming home later than agreed and waking you up to get in.

If he fails to answer either of this two communications then stick to your guns.

If he comes home banging on the door at 3 am just ignore him and also after the half an hour is up put your phone on silent so if you do get to sleep the selfish sod doesn't wake you up by calling you.

I hope this is helpful.

[CwtchMeQuick]

Lock the door, go to bed. He can sort himself out. Just tell the kids he had to work very early or something.

You're not unreasonable to ask him to bother to let you know if he's coming home. Get some sleep and speak to him tomorrow

[EmzDisco]

I don't have any good advice, but didn't want to leave you unanswered.

From my own experience and reading threads on here he will likely come home eventually. It's not good behaviour though. And you'll know if it's a symptom of bigger issues.

Try not to worry too much, and sleep if you can.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Text him with "Need to sleep now to be up with the children in the morning. Door locked now. See you at 8am"

[Eeeek686]

Thanks Persian, I have tried calling him waaaay too many times when I was really angry and they just rang out.... just tried one last time as well - same.

Also left a couple cross/upset voicemails....

I'm just so fed up of being treated like the default parent while he just does whatever! Because of his job he can pretty much go out every night after work with no worries - if I want to go out any night I have to organise it well in advance to suit his bloody a schedule as I've got the kids!

Just a message is all I ask but he often doesn't bother...

[Eeeek686]

X-posted with a few people.... thanks for replying, you're all way calmer than me! But I have been stewing for three hours....

Yes it is symptomatic of bigger issues, he's pretty selfish generally and admits he's occasionally jealous of colleagues lifestyles (he's the only one with kids), but obviously forgetting it's been a hard lifestyle transition for me too - at least he Has a life apart from the children....

I should try to sleep but my head won't stop. And of course I'm up at 6 with the kids. As always.

Gah!!

Thanks again for calming replies, will re-read.

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

PS The only adult I've known who didn't have a key to his own house was a borderline alcoholic who has previous for drink driving. I hope there's a better reason in your case!

[Eeeek686]

giddy yes, he gave his to me early on today (I borrowed his car and they were on the same fob) saying, "you'll be able to let me in later won't you" which obviously was fine, just not This late!!

Bloody hell, he was quite chippe when he answered earlier till I have him an earful - why doesn't he let me know he's staying out?? Or drives me crazy!!

And now he's ignoring me, And making me feel like a crazy lady.....

[Eeeek686]

He's just text, "I'm OK. Just really pissed"

Well I'M NOT fucking ok! He's a blasted self-absorbed wank stain.

I'm going to sleep. Thanks, people.

[torthecatlady]

Does he have previous of this sort of thing (staying out late with no key)? If yes, has he ever not come home until the next day?

The best thing to do is get some sleep and deal with it / him tomorrow. I'm sure your children won't care that you had no sleep when they run you ragged tomorrow

[torthecatlady]

Oops cross post!

Goodnight!

[Eeeek686]

Hey, yes he did - thanks for asking! He leaned on the bell at 3:15, cursing and moaning I'd taken so long to hear him (I'd not looking gone to sleep).... sent him to the sofa, obviously.

Gave him a few uncomfortable truths when he woke up and now out for the day with DC's; not going to let him ruin our weekend!!

He's an arsehole but he's an arsehole who pays the bills and right now that's a priority, unfortunately!

[PersianCatLady]

Eeeek686
Sorry for not replying again before now.

I am glad he came home in the end but I am sorry that things aren't quite right at the moment for you but as you said the priority at the moment is keeping your family home going.

If you ever need to talk again please don't hesitate to post or you can always PM me if you would prefer.

Take care.

[Lemonlady22]

my husband used to go out and stay out until the early hours....i would text or phone countless times asking where he was, what time he was coming home etc...he did the same..ignored the calls, never answered texts, stayed out later etc. The best advice i ever had was 'you have found that he texting, phoning, pleading etc doesnt work so why continue to do it...you only make yourself more upset....try ignoring, dont phone, text, plead and see what happens'....i did this for a while (it was really hard) but it worked....my husband started to come in earlier and ask why i hadnt called him....i said 'because i dont care, ive got kids to look after and your not giving a toss about anything is last on my list of priorities'....he soon cleaned up his act!