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Should I get in contact with old friend?

(7 Posts)
Spraoi Sat 17-Sep-16 00:13:40

Name changed due to sensitive subject matter. Around 15 years ago in college I had a very close friend, talked every day, loved together etc. We were both quite bright and had a certain level of competition too. In our third year I was assaulted by a man, narrowly escaped rape. I reacted very poorly to this event, and in retrospect acted quite strangely to it all (dating large numbers of people, overreacting to minor events). I never really explained to former good friend what happened, our relationship became strained and we drifted apart. At the time I felt I explained things, but looking back I was very young and abstract and probably didn't really.

Years later we've both been through a lot (I've heard about her personal struggles from other mutual friends), and I've learned that we are working in the same city in a similar field. I'm now in a good place personally, she is not so much.

I feel I would like to get in contact and explain why I pulled away so much and what happened to tear such a close friendship apart, even if we can't reclaim the friendship we once had. I'm prepared for being rejected wholesale, but I'm wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation and had any advice?

GinBunny Sat 17-Sep-16 00:17:58

Nope, but I think you should do it. Nothing to lose and you may get your old friend back.

notausernumber Sat 17-Sep-16 00:19:16

I did it recently. I just wanted to acknowledge that I had not made great decisions. It's been really nice just having confirmation that I'm 'forgiven' and she hasn't held a grudge.

IceTippedMountains Sat 17-Sep-16 01:38:31

I would not, I mean it has been 15 years and she's probably moved on, thats a long time to explain why you haven't been in contact, I honestly think it would be best to let go. And if she's in a bad place currently, I think the last thing she needs is an ex friend apologising and trying to clear her conscience (for whatever reasons) about something that happened several years ago. She will have more to worry about than making up with an ex friend.

I have been in a similar situation, I broke up from my core group of friends back in 6th form after being close friends all the way through secondary school, we were all at fault for the breakdown of our friendship group but in short we basically drifted. Didn't see each other for years after leaving 6th form.

10 years later one of the girls gets in contact wanting to apologise for being a bitch at 6th form and wanting to revive our friendship. I accepted and apologised for my part but I said I didn't want to be involved in her life, there was just too much water under the bridge, I had moved on with my life and have nothing in common with her. Probably a bit harsh, but those girls truly made my life miserable for about a year before I ended it and I could just not go back there.

flapjackfairy Sat 17-Sep-16 06:02:13

I think you should contact her and try to put thinks right if you can. It will help you lay it all to rest. However it needs to be done in a way that does not cause former friend to feel obligated to restart friendship if they do not want to. You sound like you are a sensitive person who already understands this so you have nothing to lose,and perhaps much to gain good luck

BugPlaster Sat 17-Sep-16 06:13:31

I think you should. Not to 'put things right' as pp suggest, but to say you've been thinking about her and wanted to get in touch. And yes, explain you don't think you handled your attack very well and it changed you/ made you react.
Doesn't have to be a revival of your old friendship - you have both moved forward and as grown ups, you can move your friendship forward in some different direction.

DiegeticMuch Sat 17-Sep-16 08:12:29

Contact her. She will probably be pleased. If she isn't, you've lost nothing.

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