Divorcing someone you love

[HobnailsandTaffeta]

Anyone done it? What were your reasons?

I still love DH, I am concerned for his welfare, desperately want him to be happy and well. Want to co-parent well and miss the "family" time together. He is my best friend.

But I am divorcing/separating from him and feel I have no choice. Just want to hear others experiences and how hard is it?!

[ImperialBlether]

I remember your other threads and I'm really sorry you're in such a bad position now. However, I think you're in love with the memory of what he's like. He's no longer like that. People do change.

He's financially completely abusive. You said in another thread he owed tens of thousands of pounds - are you going to take on that debt? You say he's working full time but doesn't get any money. I don't understand that - is he working for someone else? If not, why keep working for no money? It doesn't make any sense. So is he living off your earnings at the moment?

He's been dreadful with your children. Appalling. They don't know whether they're coming or going.

He's cheated on you - please, please don't ignore this. Don't believe his lies.

Your poor parents can't even sell their house because of him - that's how far-reaching this abuse is.

You need to get a good solicitor onto this straightaway. Seriously - the old him has gone. The new one is a bastard. Treat like with like now and take some action.

[ImperialBlether]

I know you're worried about his welfare but he's abusive towards you and his children - you have to put them first, then yourself. There's no room left for him.

[HobnailsandTaffeta]

Thanks Imperial, it's difficult as now I have said "that's it" he is trying really hard to be reasonable, Consistent for the kids etc. Back (almost) to the old ways. Devastated I'm going through with it but supportive.

It's like I got my "old" DH back in flashes and I feel like I should give the family for his and the kids sake, one last shot.

But something is stopping me, I miss him but there is a barrier/hesitation in me.

I'm trying (like you all told me!) to look at actions not words but I can feel myself getting dragged back in and I'm terrified.

Though we had 18 good years so maybe I'm wrong...

Anyway I've taken more practical steps forward as that's all I can deal with and ai have a solicitor to see next week and have arranged counselling. Supported by him to do so it has to be said.

I don't think he's an abusive devil and I don't think he's an ill angel, the truth probably lies somewhere between the two and that's what so confusing

[HobnailsandTaffeta]

I miss him tonight but I can't forgive something he won't admit.