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Was your sibling frequently violent to you when you were growing up?

(57 Posts)
user1468841624 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:36:00

Just reflecting on my childhood, really.

I have one sibling, a brother who is older by 2 years.

I know DC have their squabbles and occasional scraps etc.

But my brother was consistently violent towards me. It didn't really stop until I was about 13/14. Was particularly bad from the ages of about 11-13 when we used to be alone together after school.

Not just the occasional slap, things like putting me into a headlock and running me headfirst into a wall.

I was terrified of him, there's still a mark in one the dining room chairs at my parent's house from where I put it behind a door handle to keep him out when he was trying to attack me.

Surely by 13/14/15 he should have known better than this?

I'm zero tolerance when it comes to violence with my own DC so find it so strange to look back on.

Sorry if this is a weird question, I'm in therapy at the moment and it's caused me to reflect on a lot of things!

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Sep-16 19:48:10

Yup.

Punched, kicked, scratched, dragged out of bed onto the floor, etc. No lock on the bathroom door and walked in on me every time on the toilet to deliberately violate my privacy. She was also 14/15 at the time and knew better.

She always did it when mum wasnt there and mum doesnt believe me to this date.

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Sep-16 19:49:01

Oh and the verbal abuse. So much worse in a way.

She was just a cunt. No other way to describe her. But she was always the favourite.

OlennasWimple Thu 15-Sep-16 19:50:28

No - we squabbled, and when we were smaller we'd rough and tumble. I think we probably tustled over things that we both wanted too. But nothing like the OP and QueenLiz describe flowers

AmeliaJack Thu 15-Sep-16 19:51:25

No.

I'm sorry you experienced this.

jayho Thu 15-Sep-16 19:53:46

Yes, she was reflecting our mother's treatment of us and the burden of childcare that was place on her from age 8.

twocultures Thu 15-Sep-16 19:56:40

Yup , younger by 2 yrs DB
We used to fight and get into scraps with each other A LOT up to about 12/13ish (we would annoy each other on purpose) , I used to always hold back a bit when it got nasty as didn't want to hurt him but he didnt hold back.... I recall once it got really really nasty as afterwards I was pulling my hair out in the shower.....confused but that was a complete one off .
He's a great lad and I love him to bits I kind of think he had some anger issues/ pent up frustration he couldn't really address . But he's always been great other wise and is lovely now not a shred of the anger present .

Forgettheworld Thu 15-Sep-16 19:56:46

Yes, my brother did those sorts of things to me. I wasn't entirely innocent I remember accidentally on purpose throwing a pebble at his head on holiday once. We hated each other growing up. My friends with brothers seemed to be the same. I don't think it went on until that age probably until I was about 11 then it became more verbal to each other. We get on fine now

user1468841624 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:57:45

Queenliz and jayho, I'm sorry sad

Olennas and Amelia - thanks for your responses.

I had such a strange upbringing I honestly struggle to work out what was normal and what wasn't so these replies are very helpful.

I have tendency to downplay things. I can distinctly remember writing a letter to a TV agony aunt about it as a child, though, so it must have affected me in some way.

HyacinthBouquetNo1 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:57:50

Oh yes, i was "teased", as they called it, by my brother, uncle, grandad and to a lesser extent, my dad. I was teased, had insects thrown on me until i was hysterical, (while they laughed) i was thrown in bushes, a river, once tied to a post and nettles put down my clothes. My mother did and said nothing. Bunch of bastards. I thought this was how all men behaved until i met my DH who was appalled by this, he is the kindest man, total opposite

neolara Thu 15-Sep-16 19:58:05

No. I'm sorry that happened to you OP. What did your parents do to try to protect you?

user1468841624 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:58:30

Thanks twocultures and forget.

user1468841624 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:59:32

So sorry to hear that hyacinth sad I got a lot of teasing too.

Neolara, I don't think they noticed.

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Sep-16 20:01:58

I had such a strange upbringing I honestly struggle to work out what was normal and what wasn't so these replies are very helpful.

I have tendency to downplay things. I can distinctly remember writing a letter to a TV agony aunt about it as a child, though, so it must have affected me in some way.

Oh Jesus. I felt the same and did the same. Then my sister found the letter I wrote about her to the TV show and was angry but seemed genuinely surprised and hurt.

I wonder if she knew how terrified I was of her and nasty she really was.

crayfish Thu 15-Sep-16 20:02:50

Yes mine was. It wasn't play fighting, although he would say it was, it was violence. He used to pin me down and stuff a sock in my mouth when I cried, that kind of thing. He once punched me so many times on my back while he sat on top of me (to see if I could 'stand it') that my dance teacher had a bit of an intervention because he thought my parents were abusing me. He pinned me up against the wall and went to punch me when I was about 18 (and had left home) but stopped because his girlfriend walked in. My point there is that it wasn't 'play fighting' or kids messing around. I was scared of him.

There are 16 months between us and we are now 36 and 37. I have seen him about five times in the past 10 years and now haven't seen him or spoken to him for the last three years. I have no desire to see him ever again.

As an aside, he was also violent in other situations - got into fights in nightclubs and that kind of thing.

It is one thing I find hard to watch when I see kids play fighting, it's only 'play' if they are both having fun and sometimes one of them isn't.

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Sep-16 20:04:46

It has coloured my view and will only have one child if I have any at all.

crayfish Thu 15-Sep-16 20:04:51

Funnily enough he was also the favourite....

JenLindleyShitMom Thu 15-Sep-16 20:06:18

Yes. My sister (17 months younger than me) regularly hit me with the fire poker and once hit me in the stomach with a claw hammer. My mum had no patience for us and would just tell me to stop fighting with her hmm so I stopped telling. Sister was vicious! She knew because she was younger I would get the blame for starting a row.

Badders123 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:06:34

Yep sad
And verbal abuse
We shared a room and she told me she wished I was dead, morning and night l, for years
Once my pe teachers took me aside and asked me about the bruises
I so wish I had told them sad

Whatabloodyidiot1 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:07:42

Yes, I have a brother 4 years older and he made my life hell. Bloodied my nose, gave me black eyes, injuries so bad my mum would keep me off school so nobody asked questions. He was her favourite, she ALWAYS took his side, he could do no wrong, he grew up thinking he was untouchable and as a result has drifted from one job to another, different children to different women, bankrupt and an alcoholic. She did me a favour in the long run.

QueenLizIII Thu 15-Sep-16 20:07:44

What the hell were our parents doing?

Whisky2014 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:09:00

Yes. My brother is 1.5 years older than me and it just seemed like he hated me for the most part of our childhood. I wanted him to like me but he always took the piss out of me, humiliated me, we fought..kicked scratched, nipped and generally just horrible. We had to commute on a train to get to School an hour each way and had friends with us. Basically 2 hours a day everyday for 4 years of my life I was verbally attacked. We get on pretty well now and are reasonably close but I notice he still does little jibes here and there and has a terrible anger problem which he hides in company but reveals it to close family members. He is controlling too so if you do do something his way or give him praise he is worse.

Whisky2014 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:11:27

Once I had been hurt in the playground by a classmate and I was on the ground holding my tummy and asked a friend to get my brother. He came over, I told him what happened and he stomped on my foot and walked away.

kittykittykitty5 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:11:38

Yes, eldest brother (GC) was the school bully, but my parents never believed it, thought it was "all lies".

He used to babysit me whenever they went out at weekends which was a lot. I was spat at, punched, kicked and he would pin me down and cut my hair off and then tell my parents I had done it myself.

Couldn't watch tv with him in the room, he would turn it over to what he wanted to watch. If I complained he would hit me and then I would get told off for screaming. He had the Golden Child power and he knew how to use it.

Once he got under my mattress and tipped out of bed against a wall and then he would kick and punch the mattress so I would bang against a wall. I blacked out but he just left me. Told my parents I must have fallen out of my bed.

Would always drag me under in a swimming pool and hold me under. I could not swim (narc mother refused swimming lessons), he was ten years older than me. So basically it was a teenager trying to drown a primary school age child, when could that ever be acceptable? I still have a phobia of water.

Apparently all of the above never happened.

Him and my narc mother have always enabled each other, thanks to MN I can see it now so very clearly.

CalmYaTits Thu 15-Sep-16 20:13:08

Yep, my brother is 7 years older than me and has ADHD. He was always hitting/kicking me but the worst memory was when he rolled me up in a rug and left me until my mum found me about 20 minutes later! Since then i hate the feeling of being trapped in small spaces, it terrifies me.

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