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Made to feel Fat by DP

(146 Posts)
RainbowDashstolemyidentity Thu 15-Sep-16 12:55:10

I've been with DP for 2 years, when I met him I was probably 2 stone lighter than I am now but massively underweight as I'd been through a very stressful time. I've slowed gained weight am at now a healthy ish weight for me.
DP has made no secrets of the fact that he likes slim women (but also agreed I was too thin before) and that he wouldn't want me to get "too big" I was offended, as I thought he loved me enough to accept me whatever size I am.
Last night after dinner I was stood in the kitchen,he walked past me prodded my tummy and said "what's that?" Implying that I had a belly.
I was offended and made him know that his comment had upset me, he apologised but said if it bothered me then why not do something about it!!!
This morning he got the scales out to weigh himself and suggested that I might like to jump on! I got arsey and refused.
I guess my point is, is he being an arse to point this out and should I take him to task about it or does he have a "right" to comment on how I look as obviously its him who has to look at me/sleep with me etc??
Buckling myself in for the replies!!

ElspethFlashman Thu 15-Sep-16 12:58:50

A right to poke fun at your weight cos he "has" to sleep with you??

Firstly, no one's putting a gun to his head.

Secondly, he's a tosser.

Thirdly, if he wants a very very slim woman there's plenty out there so he can fuck off to the far side of fuck. Maybe there'll be a perfect enough woman for him there.

Happybunny19 Thu 15-Sep-16 12:59:08

Yes he's being completely out of order. Have you considered pointing out anything that bothers you about his appearance to see how he likes it, his small penis for example.

ElspethFlashman Thu 15-Sep-16 13:01:14

Oh and he's negging you.

Soon you'll actually start believing him and consider yourself lucky he puts up with your "flaws". Of course, that's the whole point.

Doesntfitthemould Thu 15-Sep-16 13:04:46

What the f*ck!!! Tell the prick to shit the door on his way out!

Doesntfitthemould Thu 15-Sep-16 13:05:27

Shut^ the door even!
Sorry my angry typing got carried away
flowers

Fairylea Thu 15-Sep-16 13:06:37

angry He's being a twat.

motherinferior Thu 15-Sep-16 13:11:17

Yep, a total arse.

I had an ex like that. Eventually I came to my senses and went off with a bloke who thought I was utterly gorgeous.

AyeAmarok Thu 15-Sep-16 13:11:40

If you're happy with how you are, then tell him to fuck off as you've no intention of making yourself be something you don't want to be to please him.

RainbowDashstolemyidentity Thu 15-Sep-16 13:14:18

He says things like "I'm only teasing" and that I should know what he's like and not take offence! I take massive offence, he knows that I have struggled with my weight in the past so I do feel like he is bang out of order to mention it.
He has a belly and he's said in the past that if it bothered me then he would do something about it, but I'd never ridicule him for it!

Hobbes8 Thu 15-Sep-16 13:15:11

He said if it bothered you then why don't you do something about it? Like get rid of his sorry ass perhaps?

RainbowDashstolemyidentity Thu 15-Sep-16 13:15:24

Motherinferior - he was that guy or so I thought :-(

00100001 Thu 15-Sep-16 13:17:26

Find something about him that might upset him, point out out, when he complains say "I'm only teasing. That's what you do to me right?"

TheRedCarWon Thu 15-Sep-16 13:19:18

In the 8 years since I met dh I've put on, lost, put back on and an currently trying again to lose about 4 stone. Not once has he commented on my weight other than to say that I look beautiful with our without it.

Your 'd' (dickhead?) p doesn't have to look at or sleep with you; he has a choice and if he doesn't like what he sees he can fuck off. You have these same choice btw. If you don't like his attitude you can, and should, walk away.

KurriKurri Thu 15-Sep-16 13:20:15

Well not to state the obvious but you could tell him you'd lose about 12 stone very quickly if he fucked off out the door.

He has no right to comment on how you look - he's an arse for doing so.

Next time he gets the scales and suggests you might like to jump on, open the window and suggest he might like to jump out.

Onlyonce Thu 15-Sep-16 13:21:33

I feel for you, I really do.

Have you had another sit down with him to explain how it makes you feel? This is very serious and he needs to know what it is doing to you.

My dp is like this. I have told him how much it hurts and he still does it. He won't change. I have lost some trust in him now because he hurts me like this. I've had comments actually during sex. I don't know what it is with him. He just cannot or will not understand. I'm in my 30s now but he knows I had an eating disorder when I was a teen and struggle with how I look. I am in the normal range for my height.

Sorry for rambling on your thread! But try and talk to him again and see if he can change.

Cherryskypie Thu 15-Sep-16 13:22:15

He was attracted to you when you were 'massively underweight.' He's making negative comments about your weight now. I think he's being pretty clear.

When you say you've struggled with your weight in the past do you mean you've had disordered eating?

adora1 Thu 15-Sep-16 13:25:54

Horrible nasty men, why would you want to be with anyone that put you down.

Why are you with this person at all?

What do you get out of this relationship now?

I'd be giving this man his marching orders as of now; he is just dragging you down with him. He is showing you who he really is.

RainbowDashstolemyidentity Thu 15-Sep-16 13:33:40

Ramble away Onlyonce I appreciate it

Cherryskypie - I honestly don't know, I eat normally unless under pressure or stress and then I can just stop eating so my weight will plummet, He knows this and knows how hard it's been to regain weight and finally feel happy about myself (or at least I did!)
I honestly don't think in his pig thick skin way he has any clue how much this has upset me, he is kind,thoughtful, attentive in many ways he just doesn't think when he opens his mouth!

RainbowDashstolemyidentity Thu 15-Sep-16 13:35:09

I'm coming across as a right sap and I'm really not!!

motherinferior Thu 15-Sep-16 13:35:55

You're being too kind. That was an outright nasty thing to say. To anyone, let alone someone who has been dangerously underweight before.

nocampinghere Thu 15-Sep-16 13:38:20

no he's not just being insensitive
he thinks you've put on too much weight
- prodding your tummy
- telling you to jump on the scales
- if it bothers you do something about it
- makes no secret of the fact he likes thin women and wouldn't want you to get too big

so now it's over to you. if you are happy with yourself tell him to STFU.

if he doesn't, well then it's up to you. it's not a "joke" or "banter". it's rude, and disrespectful

ImperialBlether Thu 15-Sep-16 13:41:36

So he's got a belly on him and he's poking you?

He doesn't sound very nice, OP.

RainbowDashstolemyidentity Thu 15-Sep-16 13:41:47

We don't live together so will have the talk at the w/e he needs to know how hurtful his comments are!

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