Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Need serious advice

(22 Posts)
FedUpCantKickoff2 Wed 14-Sep-16 02:39:58

Caught DH wanking to iPad next to me.
Response was, "it's life"

LouisvilleLlama Wed 14-Sep-16 02:49:58

Wanking is natural, porn is controversial some people mind, some don't.

I've never had anyone wank beside me but part of me says it's his bed also but also I'm not sure if feel comfortable.

FedUpCantKickoff2 Wed 14-Sep-16 03:01:34

I feel sick. I know it's part of life etc, which is why I haven't flown off the handle, but I just don't feel right. I wouldn't even mind if he'd shown me what he was looking at, it's the hiding thing. Maybe he's embarrassed. I would like to talk about it, but he went to sleep.

Is your sex life suffering?
If so then it's an issue.
If not, and you don't feel comfortable about it, have a chat with him.
Ask him to do it away from you in future.

Joysmum Wed 14-Sep-16 15:53:48

Its a sexual act and a choice to masturbate rather than engage sexually with you.

Therefore it requires the courtesy of a 'would you mind'.

Kanewreck Wed 14-Sep-16 16:19:00

In the right light I can get a reflection of myself in my iPad.

jeaux90 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:24:11

I never understand the issue with this one, its his body and completely natural or is the issue it was being done near you or he might have been watching porn? Not quite sure what you are asking.

adora1 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:26:36

That is rank, he tossed one off beside you, without your knowledge?

magicstar1 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:29:57

Do you think it was a one off? Maybe he couldn't sleep and thought a quick release would help?

Mrskeats Wed 14-Sep-16 16:30:26

I think this depends. I know this site frowns on porn in general but for me context is everything.
If your sex life is great and you have no issues then why not?
However some courtesy is key. He could have said do you mind etc
As others have said what is your main issue with it?

wayway13 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:31:12

I'd have no issue with the masturbation or porn, especially as I'm hugely pregnant and not really interested right now. Next to me though? That's rank.

SharkBastard Wed 14-Sep-16 16:33:09

I think I'd be pretty shocked if my DH just smashed one out next to me without prior notice or with the idea that I might want to get involved.

I can't imagine my DH's face if I were to start masturbating next to him without prior notice or invitation.

Bizarre

TheNaze73 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:33:28

If you weren't engaged in it & watching specifically then he should have gone to the bathroom

adora1 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:43:18

It's bizarre folk think it's ok to do this without showing any regard for the person sat next to you....

FedUpCantKickoff2 Wed 14-Sep-16 16:55:51

I think it's the dismissal and secrecy. I don't have an issue with porn, I'd have an issue if it was a picture of another woman who he knew.

LouisvilleLlama Wed 14-Sep-16 18:38:48

Adora like I said I've never had someone sneakily wank beside me so I dunno how I'd find it and I haven't done it so meh some would say it's his bed also so why not but obviously there's another person so it's not as clear cut.

I don't think you have to ask your partner if they mind if you wank! Imagine if a man said to a woman you have to ask me do I mind if you masturbate!

And it was like 2:30am are posters saying they'd want to be woken up on a weeknight in the middle of the night to be asked for sex? Many people complain about morning sex!

Luvjubs Wed 14-Sep-16 19:29:25

He should invite you to join in or go on the bathroom.

BreatheDeep Wed 14-Sep-16 20:27:13

Next to you is nasty! Why didn't he just go to the bathroom? As pp said, how would he feel if you just started masturbating next to him without inviting him to join?!

PastoralCare Fri 16-Sep-16 17:16:04

I'd say, his body his choice.

I don't see why pleasuring oneself is such an act of treason.

PushingThru Fri 16-Sep-16 18:24:21

I wouldn't be ok with my partner masturbating in front of me unless it's part of sex between us. In private, fine. I've always had alone time in relationships, but it's a private thing - like pooing or picking your nose! I wouldn't do that in front of a partner either. You're not being unreasonable to ask him to keep it private.

PushingThru Fri 16-Sep-16 18:26:13

His body, his choice, yes, but when it's having an effect on someone else who hasn't consented to seeing it, it's very different.

PastoralCare Fri 16-Sep-16 18:37:18

Well if the partner is disgusted by it then the problem is not porn, nor ipad nor wanking.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now