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AIBU to want my DD to take responsibility for her own actions

(13 Posts)
Hausfrau55 Tue 13-Sep-16 22:49:36

This past weekend, my whole family attended my oldest son's wedding. I had previously told my oldest daughter that I would take my two year old granddaughter back to our adjoining hotel rooms after the dinner. My GD was dressed as a flower girl but fell asleep before the procession down the aisle..... My DD wasn't happy about that. At the reception, she'd had two glasses of white wine when her DH reminded her she shouldn't drink white wine as it has adverse effects on her attitude. She stormed out of the reception. When she back, she seemed to still be on edge. She was to tell me when I was to take GD back to our room. She didn't...... She took her crying child out of the reception without a word to anyone and went back on her own. The next morning, she made several backhanded comments about me to everyone.... How she'd missed the rest of the reception because I hadn't come through like I'd promised, she didn't have a chance to "dance her panties off", she'd had to walk back to the hotel alone, etc etc.
I am so hurt and a little angry at her for not acknowledging that she didn't even give me the opportunity to keep my word. My DH backs me as he is aware she said nothing to us. If I don't call her on her comments, she'll keep telling everyone that. She still brings up things that happened 25 years ago.... So it's not likely she'll forget this. She is also the same daughter that invited her dad and SM to my youngest daughter's elopement two years ago. Her SF and I were excluded..... That really broke my heart.
But, when they need/want to go anywhere, whether it be for work or pleasure, it's me, Gramma, who makes the 14 hour drive (each way) to look after my GD and their dog. If it wasn't for my sweet GD, who I love to pieces, I would probably not visit them or invite them to my home. My GD is sleeping beside me as I write this.... Her Mom allows me to keep her at my request and her convenience. AIBU to expect an apology?

LaurieFairyCake Tue 13-Sep-16 23:00:31

Well you're not getting an apology

Why don't you stand up to her and tell her firmly that's not what happened and she wa supposed to come and get you?

I do note though that you didn't go after her - you must have noticed fairly quickly your grand daughter had gone? You could have gone back to the hotel and she could have come back?

Ninasimoneinthemorning Tue 13-Sep-16 23:05:25

Why didn't you go look for her when you realised she has gone if it meant that much to you? Even if it was to see if your GD was ok. Who decided she had to tell you when to take her dd was she expecting you to offer?

Ninasimoneinthemorning Tue 13-Sep-16 23:07:08

I've just gone through your posts and I have similar issues with my DGM and her martyrism .

Ninasimoneinthemorning Tue 13-Sep-16 23:16:48

Also how did you know the child was crying? If you were there why didn't you suggest at this point you took her up?

Where was her DH? Didn't he even go and find her?

Lollyp333 Tue 13-Sep-16 23:19:27

Beware the WWW - white wine witch! It does funny things when you're in a mood to start with. She's pissed off about something underlying and her WWW came out to start something

Hausfrau55 Tue 13-Sep-16 23:24:14

As soon as her DH told us she had left, we left. We were willing to babysit but she chose NOT to go back.

Hausfrau55 Tue 13-Sep-16 23:30:32

I do not "parent" until my daughter asks me too.

Hausfrau55 Tue 13-Sep-16 23:39:26

My SIL told me she was having a temper tantrum. He DOES NOT step in either...... By my own daughter's admission this weekend, she's a CONTROL FREAK. She seems to think that because her daughter keeps her clothes on when with me, and potties for me, that I'm criticizing her motherhood. Absolutely, not true. We just have rules we expect DGD to follow.... And she does.

Atenco Wed 14-Sep-16 01:18:24

No solution, but you have my sympathies. Sometimes my dd thinks I am some kind of extension of her, that should read her mind and organise my life around hers, ggrrr.

Cabrinha Wed 14-Sep-16 06:33:21

How come it's your older daughter's fault that your younger daughter didn't invite you to her wedding?

Isetan Wed 14-Sep-16 08:05:12

Since when were invitations given out to an elopement? I thought the whole point was avoiding guest lists.

Why are you pandering to a supposed grow arse woman? You made her an offer which she chose not to take you up on, if she wants to behave like a martyr and throw her toys out of her pram, then let her.

There is obviously some long standing dynamic that exists between you and your daughter which you don't seem to fully understand. It sounds like you're both stuck in some parent child dynamic which didn't evolve much when she became an adult and it appears you've chosen the victim role in the dynamic, instead of acknowledging your role as a contributor. You can not change what you don't acknowledge and your strategy in expecting her to be the only one to make changes, hasn't and isn't, going to be a success.

springydaffs Wed 14-Sep-16 08:22:57

Oh I can't agree Isetan.

Some adult 'children' have behavioural issues and there is no placating them, no way you can get it right, constantly on the end of poor behaviour.

It is not being a victim to be hurt by their behaviour. Some people can be extremely hurtful ; magnified when it's your own child.

Does she have a problem with drink op?

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