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14 too young to have a bf?

(20 Posts)
Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 16:48:20

I suspect that my daughter may have a boyfriend, she's just turned 14 and has just started Y10. My son attend the sixth form which is attached to the school and has spoken to me about who the boy was and what he thought of him as he is a slightly overprotective older brother, the boy has just turned 15 and is 11 months older than my DD which isn't a huge problem at all but my DS seems to think he's to mature for her. Do I confront her and ask to meet him or do I pretend I know nothing?
My DS had his first GF at 16 so not as young. He's now 17.

bilboteabaggin Tue 13-Sep-16 16:57:55

I don't think so. I didn't really have a proper boyfriend til I was 18 as my mum was very awkward about it and I always look back and feel sad I didn't have that first young love. Let them be if they are happy.

bilboteabaggin Tue 13-Sep-16 17:00:02

I'll also add because I couldn't have a proper relationship I was quite promiscuous at a young age because I just wanted a bit of closeness. So anything would do.

hownottofuckup Tue 13-Sep-16 17:02:15

How often does she see him?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 13-Sep-16 17:04:13

Completely normal to have a boyfriend at 14.

Try not to 'confront' but make sure your available to chat if she wants to.

ALaughAMinute Tue 13-Sep-16 17:04:22

I don't think 14 is too young to have a bf but it is too young to be sexually active. My daughter had a bf at that age but didn't lose her viginity until she was 18 and at university. Perhaps you could gently broach the subject and see what she says? Be careful to keep communication open and friendly or she might feel she has to keep things a secret from you and do stuff behind your back. I wouldn't ask to meet him as she might find that quite threatening and intimidating and shut down from you.

Boringoldme73 Tue 13-Sep-16 17:09:45

Only you know your daughter well enough to know. You will get the usual "I had my first BF at 13" comments etc etc but this one is not really for strangers to know.

There isn't really a great deal you can do to stop her but you need to be open with her. I would be having discussions about the usual and things like sexting/photo sharing as this seems all the rage at the moment.

BreatheDeep Tue 13-Sep-16 17:47:28

If she feels ready for a boyfriend then I'd say it's ok. I wouldn't be happy if it was sexual though!
I had my first boyfriend at 14 but it freaked me out a lot so only lasted a couple of weeks! It just intimidated me so much.

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 18:32:41

If course it's too young, I had my first bf at around 15 and hid it from my mum and I knew she'd be cross. I think I will bring up the conversation just with "do you like anyone in your class" or something like that and see what she says if she says no I won't say anything else about it. I won't ask to meet him unless she wants me to then, unless anyone else thinks I should?

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 18:34:34

He's in her business studies so only once a week but he is in her form at school.

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 18:36:03

My DS seems to think he's more mature and perhaps more ready for a relationship than she is and seems to be a bit more of a 'popular' boy at school and my DD is a quiet, nice child according to her teachers. I wish she was quiet at home?😂

willowcatkin111 Tue 13-Sep-16 18:36:50

Some of dc's chums had boy/girl friends at 10 but it was just hand holding at or on the way to /from school. 14 seems fine to me to start to explore the deeper side of relationships but not sexually active.

CatNip2 Tue 13-Sep-16 18:40:03

I had my first boyfriend at 14 lots of my friends did, but it wasn't sexual, just snogging and stuff. DD was later.

I agree with alaughaminute.

Kind of glad my DD didn't drum up much male attention until she was 18, now at 19 having lost 2 stone and being at Uni it is like she is a Kardashian! I wish she was 14 again.

CatNip2 Tue 13-Sep-16 18:41:34

Oh and to the OP, my son was very active with girls from 14 but seems to think it is not acceptable for his 19 year old sister to do anything but remain a virgin until marriage, he would be disappointed if he knew.

Men!

Doesntfitthemould Tue 13-Sep-16 20:37:03

I had my first boy friend at 13..... We are now married and in our 30's.
Have you tried talking to her about it? Just subtlety asking if she wants to have a freind over etc?
I was very lucky that my mum let my dh come round most days after school or I was round his.
You know your daughter with regards if you need to have "the talk"

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 21:56:05

My mum was always very against me dating until 18 and I guess I passed that on to my children but I don't tell my daughter she can't date anyone she's just still very childish in many ways. I just tell both my able bodied teens (I have a SN son) that they can date a year above in the daughters case so she's Y10 and I'd be ok with her dating a Y9 to Y11. I think I will leave her to it and get my DS to keep an eye on things whilst she's at school as I am quite a nosey mother. 😂

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 21:57:23

Dreading the 'talk' once I need to have it with her as my husband spoke to my son when he was 15ish.

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 21:59:36

I hope if she was 'going out' with this boy it was just hugging and the occasional kiss. She's 14 and not many 14yr olds would be ready to take it any further and she certainly isn't ready.

forumdonkey Tue 13-Sep-16 22:02:30

I find it strange that you can't just ask her. If you don't make a fuss or big deal out of it, she'll be more open to talk to you, including if and when she becomes sexually active. If she feels you don't approve, it may not stop her seeing him or having a boyfriend, just make her more secretive. If it was me I'd be inviting round to meet him too.

Lifeisshort123 Tue 13-Sep-16 22:04:13

I don't want to embrass her and I'm certain she'd say no, she's always has the 'boys are gross' attuitude. 😂

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