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Does it get better...?

(9 Posts)
Sweetlittleevilme Sun 11-Sep-16 20:03:07

I told my husband last night while we were out that I knew he'd cheated on me and that I didn't want him to come back to the house as I needed space and distance from him while I decided what to do next.

His reaction was so cold it shocked me. No word of apology, no hint of remorse. Just kept saying that he had nowhere else to go and that he had rights. In the end he stayed at a friend's and he collected more of his stuff today. I know for a fact that today he is acting like nothing has happened, socialising and laughing with his friends and basically getting on with things.

I thought I was being really strong in how I'm handling it but in the last half hour or so the pain and hurt has hit me so hard and I don't know how I'm going to cope. Does anyone have any advice on how i can get through this? My family have been a huge help to me these past couple of days but I know they're hurt by his actions too and I don't want them to see how much I'm suffering.

SomeonesRealName Sun 11-Sep-16 20:37:53

Wow you are being really strong! Well done for kicking him out. It's like being hit by a train though, so be kind to yourself. Have you visited www.chumplady.com? I really recommend it for pulling you through the super shit bits.

Cary2012 Sun 11-Sep-16 20:46:00

You do need to lean on people and your parents will worry whether you lean on them or not. Do you have a close friend who could stay for a few days?

You're in the eye of the storm you just have to keep going, but it is like a physical punch in the guts, I remember it well.

Take it a day, an hour, ten minutes at a time. Be kind to yourself.

You've been very brave and you've done the right thing x

Gracey1231 Sun 11-Sep-16 22:45:11

You're so brave! I wish I had your bravery and strength. Baby steps are all you can do now honey, let go and be strong! Be a butterfly x

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 11-Sep-16 22:49:58

Make a list of all the things he did that pissed you off.
Make a bucket list of things you want to do and get cracking!

seventhgonickname Sun 11-Sep-16 23:05:06

Yes it does get easier but it takes a bit of time and does feel a bit two steps forward one step back.
I made myself busy sorting the practicalities.Family are a great support take their help and their faith in you so that you do not doubt yourself.
I moved out with my daughter 3 months ago now and it is easier to deal with as we have built a new life for ourselves.I still have the divorce/finances to sort out and OH is not making it easy but I have moved on and have not cried for a while and am enjoying life.

GreenAndYellow Sun 11-Sep-16 23:11:22

It gets worse before it gets better.

But it does get better.

The better gets is much more like normal, and a lot better.

category12 Sun 11-Sep-16 23:15:48

Don't worry about protecting your family - they want to support you, so let them.

He's being a shit and cold because he's doing that thing where it's all your fault because of (whatever) and you deserve it - otherwise he would have to face up to what he's done. It's a psychological phenomenon where actually we hate the people we've hurt more than the people who have hurt us. Because we like to view ourselves as good people, so if we do someone wrong, they must have deserved it.

Lilacpink40 Sun 11-Sep-16 23:17:57

I empathise as have been through it. My first reaction was shock and disbelief. He was months ahead of me. I tried to organise myself out of it.
Then all the self-questioning why? how?
Then sadness, particularly evenings when DCs in bed.
Finally anger, and questioning and guilt.

Counselling and MN, friends and family will get you through the grief. flowers

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