Have NC for this. This is to help a friend whose first language is not English but has lived in UK for many years.
What a mess. Friend has two young children (both less than 3 years) and her DP (their father) is abusive of the worst kind. Earns little money, spends most of it going out with his mates and very probably takes drugs. The worst, rapes her 2-3 times a month when the DC are sleeping. They still live together but friend has wanted DP to move out for a few months. He refuses, laughs it off.
Friend works hard during the week to support her DCs and to send money home for family. Due to her culture the abuse is partly tolerated, because "it happens" in a significant minority of families. Wider family members stay a few months at a time to help with childcare and this may not help as "family comes first".
Friend has met a new man through her work and there is the start of a relationship. He sounds amazing, very mature, giving, supportive and in so many ways they are suited. They want a future together and friend is overwhelmed in her mind of splitting DP from her children. It may be a culture thing, or it may be simply that the eldest will genuinely miss his father.
I want some advice please on how I can help her understand what DP is doing to her and that she must do something drastic immediately. Going to the police is not an option she wants to consider. Particularly given the culture background - need to find her a way to break through this 'acceptance'. Had the talk that she should get DP out first and get herself straight before embarking on a new relationship, but for various reasons I can see this is not what she wants. I do not want to go over that issue again.
Help me advise her what to do please!
I am going to a family gathering shortly so will not be able to log on until this evening. TIA.
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It is never right to accept abuse because its part of your 'culture'. How can I help friend see that.
16 replies
Prosperos · 11/09/2016 09:09
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