DH didn't go to work today because he got drunk last night. Although he contacted them to make an excuse for his absence his employer has terminated his temporary contract. I'm unsurprised as it's his third absence in the six weeks he's been employed there.
I'm well aware that he has a problem with alcohol but last night he told me the extent of it. He admitted to drinking secretly every day recently, though never at work or before driving. I had no idea as he's always been a binge drinker and he hadn't appeared drunk.
He said he wants to get help to stop drinking. I told him I would be there for him and support him in his efforts to get control of his life again. However, I have previously warned him that if he lost his job because of his drinking then he would have to go.
What should I do now? Be supportive if he really wants to stop? Or stay true to my word and ask him to go? Either option could make his problem worse, but could also be what he needs to get better. I really don't know what is best for him and our family.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
DH lost his job because of drink
lemonormelon · 09/09/2016 13:59
In your shoes I would absolutely make him go and sort himself out. If you don't hold good your threat then you have no boundaries and he will continue to drink. If he goes elsewhere ( not your problem, he made this situation) he will have to decide what he really wants: a life of drinking and all that goes with that or family life.
You can offer support and suggest AA but he can only do this for himself.
for you because it's a very hard place to be.
Agree, you should do both. If you want him back, later on when things are better, then fine. In the meantime he needs space to work on himself, and you need space to work out what's best for you.
Not exact same circs but same issue.
After a lot of broken promises, I am moving to a new home for me and DC in 2 weeks. DH and I love each other and are sad.
But I cannot hear the promises and then be disappointed any more. Or argue, think it through or try to fix with for or with him.
DH has said he will address the drinking and then we can decide whether or not we can address the issues that have stemmed from it.
Time will tell now. I am relieved that the conversations about drink and "our" problems are over.
Living apart I will be able to get my headspace back.
If he succeeds then maybe we can save the relationship but this separation has to happen.
Just my experience to see if any rings true.
I feel for you it is awful
Unfortunately you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them (not) drink. Ultimatums do not work. Really the decision is, can you live with his drinking? Are you willing to be in a relationship with an alcoholic?
Because he needs to drink during the day he may need detoxing if he decides to stop drinking, and he could be waiting 4-6 months in some areas of the U.K. Are you prepared to support him during that time if he has to wait?
Answering these questions might guide you closer to making a decision. Try and be realistic instead of making ultimatums that always fail.
Wishing you all the best
OP so he's hungover? And not helping with DS and everything else?
You deserve better.
Can you meet the family at the day out so they don't actually come round, would that take some pressure off?
You'll hold it together as much as poss for DS and you can cry, rage etc when he's asleep etc. My 2 have seen me with red eyes, they know I've been sad, that's OK. I'll be happier soon.
I've held it together more when decision made, even though we're still here.
Mine wouldn't "go", I've gritted teeth and just made it clear that's what must happen.
If he won't go today can you give him a deadline?
I'm only a little bit further on, but I feel better than I did and you can too
Could you call the family who are visiting tomorrow and explain the situation
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.