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15 years and waiting

(77 Posts)
user1473368252 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:15:07

So to cut a very long storey short I've been with my partner for, you guessed it, 15 years will be 16 in January. Since then we have carved out our careers successfully, travelled, got on the property ladder and currently refurbishing house number 2. We were once engaged back in 2012 but this was over within less than 6 months because he cheated on me and he claims he never wanted to anyway.. Outside pressure! It was a short affair but took me a long time to get through it and I took him back and we started again this time under new management. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but we got through it, since then many promises have been made none of which ever came to fruition we never picked up from where we left after it felt right again even though he said we would. so I've waited and waited for a few more years. Had an eptopic preg lost a tube, he was tricked into that also apparently, so basically nothing has happened and there always something else or it's not logical you name it it's been said. Starting to think of that film His Just Not That In To You! Yeah sounds like it! There has been a huge loss earlier this year which has hit both of us very hard and has reminded us of how precarious life can be and I lightly mentioned about getting married very low keyed next year in summer don't need all the glitz and glam just simple and intermit. Ended in argument and me in floods of tears then he called me pathetic told me it's not logical with the house and so on. so ladies you have the whole story any advice for those who have been standing where I'm standing wondering what to do? His the same when you talk about kids I feel im with the biggest future faker going and I'm the fool going along for the ride confused

springydaffs Thu 08-Sep-16 22:18:02

Leave him already.

How old are you?

flowers

ps he's a shit

dungandbother Thu 08-Sep-16 22:19:50

What are you scared of?

Please leave him.

Zanashar Thu 08-Sep-16 22:20:54

I'm sorry to say this but if, in all those years, the time hasn't been right, when will it ever be? And also, the infidelity......?
I think you need to get out.......flowers

Myusernameismyusername Thu 08-Sep-16 22:21:09

It sounds like he's made it pretty clear he doesn't want kids or marriage.

I think you have to ask yourself whether you want this for another 15 years or you will resent him so badly and be cross with yourself for not walking away. Hard as that is, it sounds like you both want completely different things.

And that's awful what he said about your ectopic pregnancy. Let alone the cheating issue

ijustwannadance Thu 08-Sep-16 22:23:36

You're clearly unhappy so why waste any more time with him?

nicenewdusters Thu 08-Sep-16 22:29:08

Yes, time to jump off the ride. He wants to be single and childless, you don't. So give him what he wants, and you go out and get what you want.

Plus he's cruel, a cheat and stringing you along. Not somebody to plan a future with.

AnotherEmma Thu 08-Sep-16 22:30:50

LTB

RawPrawn Thu 08-Sep-16 22:32:51

This man hates you.

Don't try to kid yourself otherwise.

user1473368252 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:34:03

What's LBT?

doji Thu 08-Sep-16 22:34:28

You already know the answer... please don't waste another 15 years on a man that treats you so poorly.

BIWI Thu 08-Sep-16 22:35:45

Why on earth would you want to stay with him? Where's your self-esteem?

Lilacpink40 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:35:55

Leave The Bastard LTB

Lilacpink40 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:36:55

What do you get out of this relationship?

Is it really a relationship?

user1473368252 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:37:53

I think it's because we have built a beautiful home and we have got through the best time and the worst times and stuck with it but after the loss this year and the cost of the house being don't up its not logical plus his mum wants to go to America next year so we can't afford it. My cousin gets married next year don't want to get married in the same year he says. I just think I'm not the one if i was it would not be this hard I feel like the biggest fool being strung along but on the other hand my timing may be wrong with everything going on? It's not easy to throw 15 years away but at the same time waiting another 5 10 who knows is an utter wast of my life!

BIWI Thu 08-Sep-16 22:38:51

You're being played.

keepingonrunning Thu 08-Sep-16 22:41:28

My take on what you've said is he's projecting. When he says you're pathetic, illogical, tricking him what he's really telling you is he's pathetic, illogical and tricking YOU.
You've invested a lot of your life in him but you're getting no returns right here right now. Cut your losses and free yourself to find someone who appreciates you.
You already sense he's stringing you along and, I'm sorry to speculate, but it sounds like his focus might have shifted elsewhere and you are the backup plan.
flowers

user1473368252 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:41:33

We do have fun we do get on we are also both hot headed but his also very cruel heartless even to call me pathetic when I was sobbing was low but he can go lower believe me. His always got his own way never heard the word no a real spoilt obnoxious brat, baby man to summaries but we have been making progress but then you rise getting married or children and bang full blown argument everytime because I didn't like what I heard apparently. no it's just heartbreaking being rejected everytime

Myusernameismyusername Thu 08-Sep-16 22:41:37

There will always be something and a reason. If you can't have an honest discussion about children and marriage and set some kind of timeline on it then it will just drag on and on

Lilacpink40 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:43:40

OK so imagine the home disappears. What then do you two have?

If you have love and fun fine, if nothing is left then you're waiting just to share a home?

user1473368252 Thu 08-Sep-16 22:43:43

29 so been together since school. Childhood sweethearts if that exists!

AnotherEmma Thu 08-Sep-16 22:45:32

LTB = leave the bastard

It sounds like he could be abusive as well as a cheat. See these signs of emotional abuse. In any case he's definitely a bastard.

Don't fall for the sunken costs fallacy. The past is the past, whether you've been together 15 years or 15 minutes, and what's important is the present and future. Is he making you happy now? Is he going to make you happy for the rest of your time together? If you answer honestly I suspect the answer is no.

HildaHippo Thu 08-Sep-16 22:48:18

He is still window shopping I am afraid to say ..doesn't want to buy the first pair of shoes he tries on. Move on. Do yourself a big favour.

keepingonrunning Thu 08-Sep-16 22:48:22

He's bad news. Please believe us. Much longer and it shows all the signs of degenerating into a properly toxic, abusive relationship. Get out now while you still have your sanity and some self-esteem. No joke. The writing is on the wall. And please make sure you do not have a child with him.

RawPrawn Thu 08-Sep-16 22:48:50

Seriously, he hates you. Really he does. Leave him.

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