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Feel too old to be fanciable

(106 Posts)
crossroads3 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:14:28

Am 47 and in a marriage that IMO has been over for a long time. It's a lonely place to be in, and I have at times really despaired over it, but when I am at work or with the dc it's okay. I do feel asexual and unattractive but part of me wonders if at 47 this is what happens (no offence meant to anyone).

Then very occasionally, like once in a blue moon, I will fancy someone and the longing for connection comes back. Most recent person (happens very rarely) is one of the consultants who has been looking after my son since he had to have an operation. He's just kind, looks you in the eyes and even stood in my personal space today which was fine. He must be about 40.

Anyway, aside from things like this making me realise how lonely I am, am I kidding myself to think that anyone could fancy me? Do I have to accept that I have had the romance and sex I am going to have in this lifetime?

Do 40 year old men ever fancy 47 year olds? grin

Have no real concept of how I come across to other people.

PurpleWithRed Thu 08-Sep-16 19:16:28

Met DH when he was 44, I was 50. much fancying on either side at the time and there still is grin

crossroads3 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:18:17

grin

Truckingalong Thu 08-Sep-16 19:34:36

I'm now 45 and I suddenly don't feel like the sexy woman I once did. It's very depressing but I'm trying to reconcile myself to it.

LoveRosie2008 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:38:29

It's clear to me I'm not fanciable anymore, just now concentrating on other things in my life smile

crossroads3 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:41:20

sad This is depressing.

AfterSun Thu 08-Sep-16 19:44:12

47 here and got an early 50s boyfriend. Having the loveliest time together and can't keep our hands off each other. I divorced planning to just be singe though.

AfterSun Thu 08-Sep-16 19:44:52

planning to be single obviously!

Backtoschoolyay Thu 08-Sep-16 19:50:20

Of course you can be fanciable. I divorced at 49 and honestly thought I would never touch a man again. Then when I was ready I went online and the first person I met I was attracted to (still am.)

I did smarten up my act a bit which helped and I honestly get more attention now than ever. Maybe it's the single vibes but looking back I had become a bit frumpy. I make a bit more effort with my appearance and it shows.

Many of my friends of your age and older are fabulous. Not all about looks either, they are fun, lively, witty and great to be around.

The fact you have noticed another man is promising.

Backtoschoolyay Thu 08-Sep-16 19:51:25

Just noticed you are actually married. What are you going to do about the fact you are unhappy?

crossroads3 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:51:51

Is it not possible to fall in love at this age? H used to be touchy feely with me many years ago, but now he never ever touches me, so for me it ties in with this as he is always cuddling our 12 year old dd and telling her how gorgeous and cute she is - which she is but he obviously really doesn't feel that way towards me at all. So I feel dried up and past it.

So while I was thinking the consultant was attractive and kind, he was subconsciously just registering an unfanciable woman sad?

crossroads3 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:53:54

Sorry missed some posts. Yes I really don't know what I am going to do about being married. Am vaguely hoping H retires to the place he is always saying he is going to go and live in (he is older than me) confused.

Sassypants82 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:55:51

My SIL met her partner when she was 50. She has absolutely glowed ever since & has never looked younger. He's a few years older than her & believe me, there's attraction there! He literally can't let her out of his sight! (and seems like he can't believe his luck to have met her - regularly mentions how amazing he thinks she is & vice versa) They're so affectionate & loving. I'm 20years younger than her, been with my DH for 9 years & they're far more like teenagers than we are. So in short, your days of love /romance / being fanciable are not over unless you want them to be.

S3pth0t Thu 08-Sep-16 20:03:26

Age is only a number !

Of course you can be sexy if you want to be at 100+ !

Live your life, be happy

sunnydayinmay Thu 08-Sep-16 20:08:27

Well, I'm 45 and feel far more fanciable than I've felt in years.

I'm married with children, and nothing really changed, but they have grown up a bit, I started to do more exercise (not to lose weight, just for fun), I've had a good haircut and I've made a few more friends.

Honestly, I feel sexier now than when I was younger.

It is not an age thing. Sorry.

Fairhair Thu 08-Sep-16 20:10:20

I left my first husband at 47 and to be honest, it's the best thing I could have done. No regrets, and it was good for me to learn to live on my own and enjoy my own company. I met and fell in love with a man a couple of years later but sadly he died after 7 years.
At 59, I met my lovely DH who is a few years younger than I and we are very happy 8 years on.
Don't give up. 47 is young and you have lots of years ahead of you to be happy.

Gabilan Thu 08-Sep-16 20:13:10

OP, you're married. And wondering about other men fancying you. Are you just staying in your marriage because you don't see the possibility of another relationship? Or is it because of the DC?

I think there are several things going on here. You may feel that your marriage is over but presumably you are still together. I think you need to sort that out first. He won't magically disappear - you need to make a decision.

If you decide to end it, you could just be single. It is preferable to be single than in a shit relationship. You might then find someone else to be in a relationship with. Or you might not, but honestly the loneliest you'll ever be is with someone who doesn't love you. By comparison, being on your own is great.

PecanSandy Thu 08-Sep-16 20:16:23

Hey, I thought it was all over for me too. I'm 53 and have just met a very fit man of 60 who fancies the hell out of me! And I'm a bit overweight and have never thought of myself as good looking.

Don't be depressed!

AprilSkies44 Thu 08-Sep-16 20:24:44

im wondering where you even meet single men - im 44 though i look younger.

i work really odd hours so any regular hobbies or classes for me are difficult.
i did try a dating site for a while, but i wasnt quite robust enough for it though it was a huge ego boost and i got lots of interest. i wasnt ready to date and cancelled after a couple of dates that didnt go well.

Crispsheets Thu 08-Sep-16 20:29:51

I met my partner at 54 after a 20 year marriage. I feel fantastic!

TheLastRoseOfSummer Thu 08-Sep-16 20:59:40

I'm 41 and single. I'm not fanciable. I'm not sure I ever have been, really, but I'm certainly not now.

But I don't ever really fancy anyone either.

ThisIsTheRightTime Thu 08-Sep-16 21:05:42

I'm 47 too, with pending divorce, I'm feeling a new lease of life, more confident and, although I've not embarked on a relationship yet (not ready), there's been a lot of seduction from/with a handful of men and I seriously fell in lust with a much younger man who was definitely feeling something similar too.

So, yes, it can happen. That sexual chemistry thing really knocked me for six as I too couldn't imagine ever being interested in a man again once my husband left me.

TheLastRoseOfSummer Thu 08-Sep-16 21:10:24

Where have you met these men, ThisIs?

I only ever meet men who are married! I can't imagine being seduced or falling in lust with anyone anymore!

ThisIsTheRightTime Thu 08-Sep-16 21:21:03

Really and truly TheLastRose (lovely name btw) I was in exactly the same mindset as you. Horrendous, out of the blue announcement from my husband, a year and a half ago, that he didn't love me anymore and was leaving, followed by the most horrendous behaviour on his part did NOT induce feelings of attractiveness, etc for me. Plus having to focus all my energy on my children and their sadness.

The younger man is my bloody car mechanic. blush But he has been very respectful in his behaviour towards me despite the blushing and flustered conversations. The others? Well, I live in France, maybe people here are more openly flirty than in England? I've met them through friends, mostly. I go out a lot more now I'm single again, when the children are with their father.

A close friend of mine, an actress in Paris, went through a horrendous separation with her husband in January. She's just started going out with a man she knew for twenty years whose partner left him recently. There's no way I'm ready for a relationship yet...

Please have faith. Pamper yourself when you can and trust in life. Magic can happen at any age. smile

MyLlamasGoneBananas Thu 08-Sep-16 21:21:27

I'm 44 and feel as horny and hot sack of shite!
I'm beyond any of that shit now. I may look a moment longer at some men that catch my eye but thats all.
I don't think I'll ever have sex again or be in a relationship again. I do sometimes miss affection and look at couples together and feel a twang that I may be missing out but I've never made a good decision about anyone of the opposite sex. Enough is enough. Time to draw a line under all that and find other things to fill my time and thoughts.
Sadly society is a double edged sword. Half thinks that women of a certain age are passed it and invisible and the other half thinks you're a freak if your not swinging from the chandeliers gasping with pleasure.

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