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partner is so selfish

(34 Posts)
niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:10:40

Hey I need support and someone to talk to really.

Me and my partner have been together almost 7 years (since we were 18 ) we have two boys aged 5 & 2 and baby boy number 3 is due Dec 2016.
He is so selfish its ridiculous, take this morning for example I asked him to get out of bed at 8am to take care of our youngest so I could take our eldest to school ( he never takes him or picks him up) he waited until 8.50am when he should already have been at school before he got up all the wile I was shouting getting stressed out because we were going to be late. He ignored my shouts and sat on the bed longer. Then I've gone right through the house cleaning and he has been asleep from 12 noon until I told him for the fourth time he needed to get up so I could pick our son up from school (so he slept from 12 noon until 2.30) while I cleaned, cooked and saw to our youngest. Now hes currently sat playing on his ps4 while I see to the kids dinner.

Previously he has said things in arguments like he doesn't love me, he should be living his life not settling down with me (7years and three kids too late to be saying that) that I'm the biggest mistake of his life amongst other things.

And yes he does work but only in a retail store having to be up maybe once twice week at 6am and the rest of the time he gets up at 10.30am to then leave for the bus to work at 11.05 not seeing his kids for more than 2 minutes. I do not get lie ins, I cook, clean and see to the kids al day I'm so tierd and feel like he has no respect for me at all and asif he thinks he works an actual job while I'm just a housewife and mammy. As if its not hard work and that I'm not entitled to be tierd even when I'm 27 weeks pregnant.

adora1 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:14:57

I think you'd be better off on your own, you are doing it all now anyway, at least that way you won't have to suffer him and making you feel angry and resentful, he sounds actually horrendous.

LozzaChops Thu 08-Sep-16 17:17:23

He sounds like a total man-child. Would you miss him?

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:20:25

Hes not always like this but is quite alot. He was never like this when we got together its mainly started just before I fell pregnant with our youngest in 2013.he takes sweets and rubbish upstairs in our room and if the boys sneak in without waking me He calls the kids selfish if they have ate some and kicks off that's why we argue then says things like I should have been watching them

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:22:01

That's a great way to describe him. Its him to a T but I think I would miss him. I do love hm. But he's the only person ive ever loved and been in a serious relationship with

TheNaze73 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:24:04

He sounds like a man child who regrets having children. He has zero respect for you

ArmfulOfRoses Thu 08-Sep-16 17:26:51

You would miss a man that has told you he doesn't love you, that you are the biggest mistake of his life, that is lazy, does fuck all for or with his children or you and calls his children names?

Reset the bar. You and they deserve much, much more.

0dfod Thu 08-Sep-16 17:28:09

What positives does he bring to this relationship?

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:31:32

He does love the kids and buys them things all the time is loving towards them but I'm fed up of not having a partnership. I thought as parents you both had the shared responsibility. I just know its going to be 10 times worse when baby is born because he doesn't do any night feeds never has with any of them. I can remember crying my eyes out at the bottom of the bed for sleep and he just lay there asif he was asleep (our youngest had his days and nights mixed up and severe reflux)

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:33:29

I know he can be loving and when I worked he did do it.

SaggyNaggy Thu 08-Sep-16 17:35:19

I know he can be loving and when I worked he did do it.

So hes choosing not to do stuff because you're his servant and will happily do the shit jobs he cant be arsed to do.

sounds like a great "partner" to me...

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:36:18

He says sorry after those things and said he only said them to hurt me because we were arguing. Which people do say things in temper. The difference is though I'm angry and have never said anything like that

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Sep-16 17:39:42

What is the point of men like him? They make me so angry.

You know why he buys things for the children? Because then they will be all over him and love him. He likes that, doesn't he? But he doesn't do the ordinary things, the things that cost him something in terms of effort.

You would be far better off alone and with him having the children overnight for the odd night. He'd have to step up to the mark then.

Waltermittythesequel Thu 08-Sep-16 17:44:02

I never understand why women say "I love him" as a reason to put up with shit.

I mean; you love your dc. Will you let them do whatever they want? Will you let them disrespect you? Say mean things to you? What about to other people?

Why does loving someone = allowing them to treat you like shit?

Why does loving someone supercede your right to a decent, respectful, happy relationship?

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:44:46

I know you are all right and I angry with myself for allowing it to happen but at the same time its hard to walk away. I do love him and he used to be loving too but now I just feel like a mummy . I dont make any effort for myself anymore, I dont go anywhere without my kids, I dont have any me time until they are in bed at which point in tidying the rest of the mess they have left because hes at work. I feel so defeated and its my own fault I know

cheminotte Thu 08-Sep-16 17:48:58

Totally agree with others here. Without respect there is no love.

MadeForThis Thu 08-Sep-16 17:50:57

You might as well be by yourself for all the help he gives you. If you leave at least he will be one less child you have to look after. Any man that could pretend to sleep while his wife cries out of complete exhaustion can't really be called a man.

niki1312 Thu 08-Sep-16 17:58:23

I've told him if he wants to make this work and stay together then we need to have a serious talk and explained how I feel and that if he isn't willing to talk and sort this relationship out then there is no us anymore because I cant cope with all the stress aswel as being pregnant and looking after a house and our kids. He ignored me. I've gone to bed as I have a really bad head and left him to deal with the boys

SlinkyVagabond Thu 08-Sep-16 18:08:47

"He says sorry after those things and said he only said them to hurt me because we were arguing. Which people do say things in temper" no they don't if they love the other person. He doesn't love you. Sorry. He has got you exactly where he wants you, pregnant, tied to the kids and house and pandering to everything. For a start that fucking toy PlayStation might accidentally fall down the stairs. Does he work nights? If not two hour naps to get out of stepping up are not necessary. And ignoring you when you cried from exhaustion!? What. A. Prick.
Kick this no mark man child to the kerb, you'd be better off alone.

whattodowiththepoo Thu 08-Sep-16 18:11:55

Stop having children with him.

SandyY2K Thu 08-Sep-16 18:28:39

Sorry to say this but why continue having children with a man like this? It sounds like you had the kids before he was ready to settle down into family life. I honestly can't see this relationship lasting.

How do you think he'd feel if you said those things to him in arguments. You don't say you don't love someone during an argument and that their the biggest mistake of your life. Next time he says that ... tell him you aren't conjoined twins and he is free to leave the relationship if he wants to.

Your son's are seeing a poor example of what a partner should be. No wonder history just keeps repeating itself in life. Kids learn from what they see and their parents are their first teachers.

gildedcage Thu 08-Sep-16 18:40:40

Frankly I'm amazed that you can put up with it. Surely it would be easier on your own...your washing at least would be reduced.

You say you love him but one wonders why? What about him do you love?

To stay with someone after they have said such things screams at me of self esteem issues. And if he's been allowed to stay previously after saying and displaying such behaviour then it's no wonder that he does and says the minimum to keep you with him.

What was your own parent's relationship like? Would your dm have put up with this?

I'm only saying this as I'm confused as to why you want to stay with him. I know it's very difficult as you have children, but his actions, or inactions, are impacting them now.

Cary2012 Thu 08-Sep-16 18:44:52

Men like this infuriate me!

You didn't conceive your kids on your own for God's sake.

Agree with Sandy, next time he says he made the biggest mistake of his life, respond with 'the door's that way' and kick him and his Haribos out of it.

Easier said than done, but he's not a responsible adult, he's just a big kid.

You would be fine without him, you're virtually without him anyway.

43percentburnt Thu 08-Sep-16 19:40:29

You'd get a break if you split up. Every other weekend and one night in the week is standard! If you assure him you will be contacting CMS for your legal entitlement you may well find he fights for even more nights. This will enable you to work, socialise and have down time.

No good dad says such things to their Mum. No good dad allows mum to cry with exhaustion while he ignores her. (You would be more caring to a stranger then he was to you). No good dad makes his child late for school. He is not a good dad or partner.

Don't throw any more years away.

LEIGH350 Thu 08-Sep-16 19:49:28

Niki. Go on a total sex strike until he starts doing his share of this marriage.

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