I took a couple of tests this morning and it was positive. But I don't really know how to feel about it.
I was a rubbish mum to my other DCs particularly my eldest who lives with my exH and will probably never speak to me again. I was a teenager when I fell pregnant with him. ExH was older. I had to leave school and go and live with exH because my parents hated me and I had nowhere else to go.
I had awful PND after I had him. When he was a year old I had to go and get treatment and I left him with exH and MIL for a few months. When I got back DS1 hated me and was calling MIL mama and looking for her.
To add to this ExH gradually became more controlling and used to turn DS1 against me. I should have left then but I didn't and I had DD who exh didn't care about as she wasn't a boy. He was awful to her and never hid that he loved DS1 and not her. Again I was stupid and I should have taken the child's and run but I was to weak and stupid.
I then had another son and nearly a year afterwards became pregnant with twins. At this point exh was vile to everyone except DS1. Things came to a head when I was about 7 months pregnant and I left with all the DCs and ended up at a friends house (he was actually DHs friend really but he was the only person I could go too)
I should have left years ago but it was too late and DS1 hated me and exh fought for custody and DS 1 was old enough to have a say in where he wanted to live and in the end he went to live there and he never wants to see me again for keeping him from his dad.
I am now remarried (to the friend who took me in when I left exh though we didn't get together romantically for a year). DD is still haunted by our past. I should have just left but I wasn't strong enough an I let my DCs down.
DH is lovely and great and I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet because he will be so excited but I don't deserve another DC when my eldest hates me so much. I don't want to put a downer on his excitement just because I'm a rubbish mother.
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Pregnant but I let my older DCs down
14 replies
Bigletdown · 08/09/2016 16:30
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