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What next

(21 Posts)
andthedog Thu 08-Sep-16 00:19:07

Been married 19 years, mostly happy but I always feel it's good because we are not tested. I don't feel we would make it with a problem use health disability . This is going to sound so trivial but tip of the iceberg tonight I dropped a glass and it broke. It was empty, every single night we take a glass of wine to bed. Tonight I knew we wouldn't as a punishment but not one that would ever be voiced . When I came out of the bathroom and saw no wine I was angry I was right . I went to sleep in the guest room and locked the door . My dh was soon banging really loudly on the door shouting my name. I was so repulsed he didn't care about waking the kids or his first instinct wasn't to ask what was wrong but really bang with his fists and shout. I know it's over but I'm not sure what to do

timelytess Thu 08-Sep-16 00:21:41

He punishes you?
You are right to call it a day.
Are you safe?

ImperialBlether Thu 08-Sep-16 00:33:27

So every night you each take a glass of wine to bed with you, but you accidentally dropped an empty glass so you knew you wouldn't be allowed any wine? Is that right?

andthedog Thu 08-Sep-16 00:56:55

I dropped an empty glass in the lounge. We drink every night but not too much , never drunk,but that is not what this is about, usually after 2 glasses dh will suggest we go to bed and will top up wine glasses. I just knew he wouldn't tonight. He said" did you mean for that to happen "and I said '"no "but I knew it wasn't the end of it. His aggression really shocked me, that he didn't care if the children woke up he just had to bang on the door because I wasn't in bed where he expected be to be .

KittyKrap Thu 08-Sep-16 01:15:45

That's a fair amount of wine every night, 3 glasses each? Apart from him banging on the door and you ignoring it, what other problems are there?

andthedog Thu 08-Sep-16 01:22:55

Yes I know the drinking is a problem, but other than that generally happy honestly but as I said because I think everything is fine. We talk about the children and work but all is manageable . Other problems I avoid.

TanteRose Thu 08-Sep-16 01:48:01

He said" did you mean for that to happen "and I said '"no "but I knew it wasn't the end of it

Bloody hell shock

If that had been me, I would have gone into the kitchen and systematically broken every wine glass on purpose, one by one.

That OP made me shiver...punishment??

andthedog Thu 08-Sep-16 06:53:15

Thanks for your replies, I really want to get a handle on how unreasonable his behaviour is or whether as he is an excellent father etc it's something I should compromise on.

SandyY2K Thu 08-Sep-16 08:15:12

He's treating you like a child. Does he usually punish you if he thinks you've done something wrong?

Why on earth would you deliberately break a glass anyway.

smilingeyes11 Thu 08-Sep-16 08:52:48

So he drinks too much and is aggressive and silently punishes you for misdemeanours? How could he possibly be a good father?

Do you both drink that amount every night - if so it is too much.

You are happy but 'other problems I avoid' - so you are not happy at all and live your life on eggshells waiting for the next outburst?

ALaughAMinute Thu 08-Sep-16 09:17:40

I really want to get a handle on how unreasonable his behaviour is

Your husband is abusive. It's not normal or acceptable to punish your wife for anything, let alone dropping a wine glass.

Does this kind of behaviour happen a lot?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 08-Sep-16 09:44:16

This doesn't sound good and I reckon it's the tip of the iceberg.
Other problems I avoid
What sort of problems?
You shouldn't be avoiding anything.
If you need to question his behaviour then you should be able to.
Have a look here and answer the questions to see if this is a very abusive relationship!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Thu 08-Sep-16 09:46:28

Being an excellent father means respecting their mother.

spicyfajitas Thu 08-Sep-16 09:46:44

How would he have reacted if you'd got your own glass of wine?
That's what would normally happen here if the other 'forgot'

Handsoffmysweets Thu 08-Sep-16 09:47:12

OP, is there a history of 'punishing' you? Is he emotionally/physically/financially abusive?

ElspethFlashman Thu 08-Sep-16 09:49:18

Wait a sec, am trying to understand the sequence of events....

You broke a glass. He was snotty and didn't get you a fresh glass of "bed wine".

So you got angry and went into the guest room and locked the door. Why???

I mean, it's out of order to bang on the door, but why did you go into there just cos he hadn't brought you up wine? Why not just go get a new glass of wine yourself?

It seems to me like there are two of you escalating things here.

ayeokthen Thu 08-Sep-16 09:50:09

The word punishment really jumped out at me OP, you're an adult, the mother of his children, he shouldn't punish you and has no right to.

smilingeyes11 Thu 08-Sep-16 09:51:17

Elspeth - do you not think she locked the door because she is scared of him? Talk about victim blaming. I suspect there is a whole other raft of abusive behaviour from this 'man' and the wineglass is the tip of a pretty grim iceberg.

ElspethFlashman Thu 08-Sep-16 09:54:34

Hold on, she hasn't said a word about being scared of him!

flapjackfairy Thu 08-Sep-16 18:24:49

I don't think an excellent father would be hammering on the door and shouting at their mother late at night. They must have been scared to death .

Cary2012 Thu 08-Sep-16 18:35:42

I think the reason you say your 'happiness' hasn't been tested is because you've spent the best part of 19 years walking on eggshells, trying to avoid upsetting this abusive, controlling man. So you are the peace keeper?

This is wrong.

He is abusive.

What do you want next OP?

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