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Term time holiday request by NRP

(45 Posts)
Myusernameismyusername Wed 07-Sep-16 19:04:29

so as the title says, he wants it.
I am against it for so many reasons. But we have no legal agreement and I am not sure I can stop him. He wants me to sign the agreement form for a holiday I am not even going on.

I would be liable for half the fine if we got fined I think? As in, £60 each parent.

It's only a few days but still out of my kids schooling and it's against the rules.

I have never done it myself. I think if you are emergency services or ha e family abroad then I understand but all the millions of parents are in the same boat, why should he be different? The kids are not primary anymore and I think their education is very important. He's better off than me, Why should he be the one to get a 'cheap' holiday while I am stuck with school holidays only?

He then won't take off any time in the main holidays at all, leaving me with all the childcare as usual.

Argh

RealityCheque Wed 07-Sep-16 19:07:31

Our local authority guidance says the head teacher can only even consider it if they are going on holiday WITH the resident parent. If you check there may well be the same policy so it's not even possible.

Fourormore Wed 07-Sep-16 19:07:36

So just say no?

Myusernameismyusername Wed 07-Sep-16 19:12:17

Doesn't matter what I say, he will still do it anyway. I think I am just supposed to care about it

RealityCheque Wed 07-Sep-16 19:14:23

Don't sign the form and email him that you object. Then you can use that as evidence if you get chased for a fine.

12hours Wed 07-Sep-16 19:22:44

What RealityCheque said

Hissy Wed 07-Sep-16 20:54:47

i agree with Reality. Email him your refusal and write to the school warning them that he is seeking this and that as RP you are not in agreement.

Get legal advice. It may be that you could look at prohibitive steps order?

He has to understand that whether HE likes it or not, You DO have a say, and if he's not going to put the DC first, the last word.

iloveberries Wed 07-Sep-16 21:01:22

Surely he would pay the full fine? (If not legally then out of courtesy to you????)

I'm not sure legally where you stand. Could you call school for advice?

VoyageOfDad Wed 07-Sep-16 21:01:49

My XP, who's the RP, took our dd on hols for a couple of days in term time. She even asked me about it.

The world continued spinning. Dd continued learning.

Unless theres some other issue I think you're being too harsh OP.

Pick your battles and all that.

VoyageOfDad Wed 07-Sep-16 21:02:26

... He should of course pay any fines

iloveberries Wed 07-Sep-16 21:03:18

Also I think you should find out his reasons. We took stepkids out last year for two days as we simply couldn't find a decent holiday within the half term week. We argued with their mum about it (ironic as she's taken them out before and since) but told her we would pay 100% of any fine (which we never got anyway.)

RebelRogue Wed 07-Sep-16 21:03:58

Did you tell him and them they're not going? Can you refuse to hand in their passports? Is it even during "his" time?

All the school will say is what they always say..go if you want but it will go down as unauthorised .
If you decide to give in,make sure he pays you the money for the fine in advance.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 07-Sep-16 21:23:51

I don't think legally I can stop him. I can't afford or want the hassle of going to court.
His reasons are all financial although he isn't hard up he just wants a bargain. I have objected previously to the primary school and did not sign the form and the HT just told me that unless I have a legal document he was powerless to actually stop him, which I knew anyway and this was before the fines came in so it just happened anyway.

He would I imagine pay my fine as well because I would demand he did.

He was getting very stressed about this earlier and my lack of caring about how stressful this was for him to organise as I wasn't really being very helpful.

As another poster said no the world doesn't stop turning but HIS problem isn't MY problem. I don't need or want to be involved in the organisation of something I don't agree with. I don't have double standards I don't take them out of school for a holiday I do what all the other parents do.

He isn't involved in any aspect of their schooling and the other main thing that annoys me is now he won't take any holiday during the school holidays

I suppose I am sounding off. He gives crappy maintenance as it is anyway and demands I sign this form. I won't sign it and it probably won't stop him

Ditsyprint40 Wed 07-Sep-16 21:26:59

This is sort of at the school/LAs discrection.

I issue these fines, and wouldn't issue to you in the circumstance. (Although recently didn't fine the second parent then later found out they'd also taken the kids on a term time holiday but had some how got away with it being an illness...)

Write to the school and explain your situation. If you do receive a notice of a penalty notice send a copy of your letter.

Lweji Wed 07-Sep-16 21:28:38

You're the resident parent.

Don't sign the form.
Inform the school that you don't agree to it.
Tell him you don't allow it.
If he still takes them, stop contact.

Myusernameismyusername Wed 07-Sep-16 21:33:56

I don't think he has considered to just say it's illness I think he would totally know I would grass him up for doing that.

I won't sign it and will let them know.
Thanks for the info on the fines. Also my DC was proud of her almost 100% attendance last year (99.2 or something) and kids get extra privileges for it so it isn't just about school work it's about rules and rewards

Ditsyprint40 Wed 07-Sep-16 21:42:00

Honestly - I would never advise pretending it's illness. 9/10 you'll get sussed and will lose integrity. Much better to just be honest. I don't think badly of those who are honest but those who lie.. Not so much!

I don't think your local EWS would penalty notice you in this case, but you'll need to evidence your case as I mentioned above.

Very frustrating - good luck OP. Hope your DC aren't in crucial years..

Myusernameismyusername Wed 07-Sep-16 21:58:56

I wouldn't like a lie about illness, it's hard enough trying to instil in kids it's bad to lie then go and do it yourself for a cheap holiday in the sun.

But he isn't lying about it so I can't really criticise him for that

Bluebell878275 Thu 08-Sep-16 09:41:50

Lweji

You're the resident parent.

*Don't sign the form.
Inform the school that you don't agree to it.
Tell him you don't allow it.
If he still takes them, stop contact*

Whether he is right or wrong, stopping contact should NEVER be used as a punishment. The RP does not have that authority. The OP and her ex have a difference of opinion. Yes, she should write to the school if she wishes and he can then in turn put his case forward to them. The school will agree or not. If there is a fine to be paid he should pay it fully. Even if he takes the kids out against her wishes she should still not stop contact. That's not how you deal with things.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 08-Sep-16 09:49:02

I wouldn't do that.
He's trying to do a nice thing, a holiday but I don't agree with his methods or the way he speaks to me about it.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Thu 08-Sep-16 09:53:59

As long as he isn't expecting any cash from you or taking it out of maintenance money let him sort it with the school. Voice your opinions to the school but let him crack on.

sentia Thu 08-Sep-16 09:56:27

He's stressed because you're not doing as you're told over something he knew you'd object to that he didn't consult you on but just told you was happening?? Ha ha ha. Hopefully he doesn't run the rest of his professional and personal relationships like that. In my experience assuming people will robotically comply with your wishes is a quick route to alienating lots of them!

I agree with the PPs, keep it unemotional, email him and the school to say you disagree with it and why.

iloveberries Thu 08-Sep-16 10:33:32

How many days does he want to take them out for?

When in term is it?

What year group are they in?

Myusernameismyusername Thu 08-Sep-16 11:30:13

I don't think it will clash with anything terrible at school like exams this year but certainly the next 4 years are a complete no. I really would be stamping my feet if it clashed with exams but he does tend to listen to me if I give a really really good solid reason like 'exams' but wouldn't listen if I just said I didn't like it because of general school. His attitude towards schooling and education is pretty appalling and I am doing all of that side of the parenting alone. I.e. None of the practical stuff.

I am civil to him at all times not just in front of the kids, even faux friendly but I can't stand him. He is a big man sized imature bully who has a tantrum if he doesn't get his way. I don't want to invoke a tantrum but I am tired of him not taking my opinion or feelings into account with anything that concerns HIS decisions with the kids. It's ok for me to do 90% of it the rest of the time, all the school runs, homework, parents eves etc.

So he washes his hands of virtually all responsibility to do with them and I am left with all the decisions except when he wants a holiday. lol

Lweji Thu 08-Sep-16 13:31:27

No, taking children out of school for whatever time for a holiday should always be a joint decision. If one is against it, it's a veto. End of. Particularly if you are mostly responsible for everything relating to school.

What if you don't pack for them, and don't allow them to go with him, or tell him you expect the children to be returned at the end of the weekend to go to school?

Will he still take them without your consent?
What to do then? If there are no consequences for him, then he'll just take them and come and go as he pleases?
The consequence should be him having to arrange for regulated contact, preferably through a higher authority, or supervised as he couldn't be trusted with an informal arrangement. (i.e. initially no contact until he seeks to have it regulated, not at your expense)

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