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One crisis after the next

(2 Posts)
Bettybecks12 Wed 07-Sep-16 15:34:47

Hi all, I thought I'd write this post in a relatively anonymous forum as I'm hoping to get an outsiders' perspective - beyond that of friends who will always be somewhat biased. So, thanks in advance.

I have been with my partner for a number of years and our relationship has always been a bit of a rocky one, although we always absolutely loved each other. The reasons why it was always a bit rocky are that although separated from his ex, it took him a very long time to actually initiate the divorce process and although it's in the final stages now, it has been a hugely long, drawn-out process and a stressful time for everyone involved. He was also unemployed for some time which added to the stress. In recent months, he has become emotionally quite withdrawn, won't engage with me in conversation when i want to discuss issues in the relationship - he has a head in the sand attitude sometimes, not at work of course, only in a relationship - and backtracks on the smallest plans we make. I feel I can't make any suggestions to him as I get knocked back each time. This frustrates me no end and we end up in one fight after the other, each time on the verge of a break-up. Although this hasn't happned in the past, the last two times over the past four weeks when we fought, we ended up not speaking for a number of days (and we live together!).

When we met, I thought he was the love of my life and I always believed we'd make it - I know he felt the same. Now I'm not so sure about his feelings anymore and his commitment to our future together. I also very often feel as though he is more worried about what how his ex feels than how I feel - even though they don't speak, I know he sometimes ponders over how he has changed his son's lives as a result of the divorce. The sons however, are teenagers are already and have accepted the situation. I feel everyone else, his mother, his sons, people from the pub he has to help out with certain things are always more important - when I bring this up, he tells m it's 'nonsense'.

When I write this up, the answer sounds so obvious but what to do? Has anyone been in a relationship with someone who outright refuses to discuss issues? Thanks!!!

adora1 Wed 07-Sep-16 16:49:07

You are wasting your time, he's making it very clear he is not interested in investing one jot in your relationship, I'd take that as he'd prefer you split and call his bluff.

Stop allowing him to call the shots and make you miserable, you have a choice here.

What is the point in being with someone if they cant even make you a priority in their life.

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