Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Bitter or something else?

(2 Posts)
mousynon Tue 06-Sep-16 21:37:15

Why would someone behave this way? Person X is a close family member of Person Y. Person Y is upset and doesn't understand what is going on.

X never shows any interest in family Y's life. The day to day stuff that glues people together. So no conversation about job, hobbies, interests. Only conversation is about that person, or general stuff. Making it difficult to build or keep a relationship going.

If something is mentioned in one of the above categories (as part of a two way conversation) then Y or Y's family member is conversationally 'closed down' with a snide or sarcastic comment. For example "Hi X, Partner Y has just proposed to me. We're getting married!". response "Oh, well done!" (dismissive tone, no other response forthcoming, awkward silence on phone, Y left feeling completely deflated). The wedding arrangements etc are never discussed again by either party.

Belittling of Y's young child. For example: Child Y is excited and wants to talk about a new hobby to X. X replies "well child X (their own child) doesn't have any hobbies and spends all their time in a boring room".

Child Y comments on X's clothing (not rude but a bit outspoken, but child is 5). X responds with nasty comment about piece of child Y's clothing.

Snide to Y's partner when Y's partner speaking about a significant work success (that they had not mentioned at all previously and in response to person X's career being discussed). "Obviously I married the wrong person (insinuating that their partner is not good enough and they should have instead married Y's partner)".

Person X also uses person Y when telling off X's children. As in "Person Y has spent a lot of time and effort making you this lovely food. Person Y will be very cross with you if you don't eat their lovely food". Person Y is supposed to sit there and nod and look fierce and essentially be the bad guy. Person Y feels uncomfortable but is not sure exactly why.

Person X often subtly ignores Person Y and instead uses Person Y's partner to make arrangements, keep in contact etc... Even though Y's partner is not the relative.

Person Y asks loaded questions as if trying to trick X and X's partner to criticise Person Y. e.g "Do you think we are bad parents?"

Is this odd? Is person Y being too sensitive? What is going on? There are loads more examples. Person Y has almost given up.......

TheNaze73 Wed 07-Sep-16 08:05:55

Person X sounds quite abrupt from the limited information here and person Y seems to want to be offended by anything person X says.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now