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What do you think?

(24 Posts)
GimmieTea2 Mon 05-Sep-16 20:53:00

I just want to get a few opinions on what you all think and what you would do if you was in this position.

For the past 6 months when I get the phone bill for my H's phone there is always a number that isn't family/friends/work, he normally tells me if he has had to phone work or anything like that but never mentioned this person. I did look through his phone a couple of times (Yes I know I shouldn't but I wanted to know) but all text messages are deleted ( even from me and the DC's ) and all call history, When I asked him how much he uses his phone at work he said he never even turns it on, so asked about the 30 texts to this number and after trying to cover it up for ages he ended up saying they just sent jokes to each other.
There is someone from work that he talks about all the time and they sound really flirty with each other, he can't remember her name although they talk about really personal things. I don't want to sounds like I am a really jealous person, I'm not he always talks about other women and it doesn't bother me.
^ These have happened before a couple of years ago and whenever I spoke to him about the phone calls/texts he would go really moody and stop talking to me for ages.
He never helps out any more won't even make a drink or wash up, thinks it's my job because he works and I stay at home, but even on days of he won't lift a finger to help, we never go out anywhere, he doesn't like it if we need to get shopping just wants to sit and either watch TV or play on the Xbox for the day, he gets the ump over somethings petty, like people on the road ( so nothing any of the family has done ) then won't speak to any of us for weeks on end, if he does he snaps and can be so nasty at times.
He always puts me down for everything I do or questions everything even to the point of why are we watching this or why do we need this ( a pack of tupperware that was 50p! )
I have been so close to leaving twice before, because I know he doesn't love me anymore he just wants someone to cook and clean for him. But because of not having anywhere to go/no job/can't drive/the DC's ( in a really quiet place so hard to get about ) I thought it was best to stay, but the atmosphere around here 90% of the time is horrible but I know if I say anything he just gets the ump and refuses to talk about anything.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Mon 05-Sep-16 20:57:03

His mind (and dick) are elsewhere
Sorry.

MotherOfROC Mon 05-Sep-16 21:02:15

Red flags galore . Do some digging

DownTownAbbey Mon 05-Sep-16 21:38:04

I'd bet on an OW. His attitude is text book. I'm getting flashbacks just reading it! Even if (by some miracle) there isn't an OW he's being unforgivably awful.

Resilience16 Mon 05-Sep-16 22:59:03

Sounds horrible, does he have any good points? You deserve better.
I'd get some legal advice and consider my options.
I'd also consider giving that mystery number a ring...
Good luck x

AnyFucker Mon 05-Sep-16 23:02:19

OW or no OW the man is a first class prick

divorce him, get your share of the assets, child support and start living your life for yourself

AnyFucker Mon 05-Sep-16 23:03:10

and he "can't remember her name"?

does he think you were born yesterday....he is making a mug of you

GimmieTea2 Mon 05-Sep-16 23:06:33

he goes to work...
I phoned the number and a women answered so I asked her why there was loads of calls to this number she told me they was just friends at work and I had no need to be jealous then put the phone down.

GimmieTea2 Mon 05-Sep-16 23:09:30

@Any That's how I have always felt, but he says things to make me feel like I am being stupid and petty because he has a female friend.

when he "Forgets" he will go ( Lets call her Amy ) ooh I can't remember her name is it Ann or Amy anyway... and carry on

EmmaMacgill Mon 05-Sep-16 23:10:36

she told me they was just friends at work and I had no need to be jealous then put the phone down.
Bullshit

EmmaMacgill Mon 05-Sep-16 23:11:35

Just good friends hmm

AnyFucker Mon 05-Sep-16 23:12:21

ugh

he is taking the piss out of you....you do get that, don't you ? Please tell me you get that

teasing you like he hid a sweetie behind a 6yo's ear

he really thinks he is superior, doesn't he ? He really needs to have his bubble of arrogance popped. I'd really like to see that happen

AnyFucker Mon 05-Sep-16 23:13:14

when you phoned her it sounded like she was expecting your call and said what they had rehearsed she would say

IreallyKNOWiamright Tue 06-Sep-16 11:29:40

Yes. Sounds like he could be receiving attention from this ow.

GimmieTea2 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:31:35

Yes Any I really do get that.
He wants to think he is the head of the household, like being in charge of everyone. Won't actually get up and do anything just wants to tell everyone else what to do.

damngirl Thu 15-Sep-16 19:40:21

There is someone from work that he talks about all the time and they sound really flirty with each other, he can't remember her name although they talk about really personal things.

Lol ffs. Just how stupid does he want to think you are. He's dicking around sad

AtSea1979 Thu 15-Sep-16 19:46:42

OP is there a reason you don't drive?

Don't worry about the lack of work or house, this can be easily sorted. Getting your independence and freedom is the hard bit.

You know you need to leave him. You need to forget about whether he's fucking the OW or not, it isn't relevant. Busy yourself planning your escape and what needs to be done and push any other thoughts away as much as you can to protect yourself flowers

Glutenforpunishmentnomore Thu 15-Sep-16 19:58:20

Oh wow, what a wanker!!
You and your DC will be so much happier without him.
Ow or not This sounds like emotional abuse to me, it will be having a negative impact on your lovely DC. 💐

GimmieTea2 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:40:09

AtSea Not got the money to run 2 cars.
That really is the hard part, I have came close to leaving before but then because of not having a job or transport I thought it would be best to stay.

Tonight he hit a new low - was shopping and all round the shop he kept going on about how a women from work ( different name so take it is a completely different women ) uses a type of saccharines that has something bad in them that can cause different Cancers, and this week I have been using a brand that is meant to have this bad stuff taken out of them so he took the card into work and told her to get this brand.. When we finally got round to where the sugar and saccharines are kept I said to him "So what ones is it I should get then?" his reply "Well just get them ones I guess" ( The ones I normally get with the bad stuff in that can cause cancer ).

GimmieTea2 Thu 15-Sep-16 20:41:52

AtSea Not got the money to run 2 cars.
That really is the hard part, I have came close to leaving before but then because of not having a job or transport I thought it would be best to stay.

Tonight he hit a new low - was shopping and all round the shop he kept going on about how a women from work ( different name so take it is a completely different women ) uses a type of saccharines that has something bad in them that can cause different Cancers, and this week I have been using a brand that is meant to have this bad stuff taken out of them so he took the card into work and told her to get this brand.. When we finally got round to where the sugar and saccharines are kept I said to him "So what ones is it I should get then?" his reply "Well just get them ones I guess" ( The ones I normally get with the bad stuff in that can cause cancer ).

Luvjubs Thu 15-Sep-16 21:53:42

He's fucking about and treating you like shit. If you don't want to put up with it you need to make some changes. You will get support, there are places that can offer support and advise. You do not have to put up with this.
What are saccharines btw?

Luvjubs Thu 15-Sep-16 21:55:09

Googled it, I must be dumb I've never heard of saccharines grin

AtSea1979 Thu 15-Sep-16 21:56:37

OP it's possible you might be financially better off apart. I know I was.

I think you have to protect your sanity and that of DC and leave. I say this as someone who got out of a toxic situation myself, I usually encourage people to stay as it can be hard at times but in your situation I think even the hard parts about being single are better than what you have now.

GimmieTea2 Tue 27-Sep-16 21:31:51

I know I should leave a a big part of me wants to deep down, but it's hard I think to finally make that decision to leave. It feel's like he is getting worse as well...Might just be me but it feels that way. Thank you everyone for your replies made me realize I wasn't being silly over nothing.

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