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Porn and Strip Clubs as a Deal Breaker?

(31 Posts)
ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 15:46:18

I am a long term inmate of mumsnet. Many name changes & much good advice, which I am in need of once again.

I worked as a topless model in my teens & then moved onto the more morally corrupt career of banking. I married young, had 2 Dcs, divorced. I then worked in the bar of a strip club to fund my degree (2:1 hons smile).

I'm now in my 40s, stayed in touch with an ex (not father of Dcs) for over 20 years (now ex military).

We have met up a lot over the past couple of months. He knows my history.
Ive recently come into some money. He suggested I invest it in a strip club hmmshock
I told him how I felt (again - he already knows how I feel). A few swear words were involved on my part.

I don't think he gets it. He's now saying if he knew how I felt he wouldn't have said it. To me, that's not the point. He's also said I have used this as an excuse to tell him I think he's a joke confused

Arrrrrrrgh. I know I'm going to drip feed & apologies in advance. I'm just feeling the rage.

I'm now reverting back to pre therapy & counselling & wanting to apologise to him (for having an opinion??? Ffs???)

Fuckity Fuck, please tell me what you think.
Ta in advance
(if I don't answer straight away it's because I'm looking after a very elderly relative - more stress)

Saltfish Sun 04-Sep-16 15:53:59

Oh god it's all about him and his wounded masculinity isn't it?

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 15:57:17

Arf... was the 'ex military' a give away clue?

allthecarbs Sun 04-Sep-16 15:59:10

Well I don't agree with his opinion but he is entitled to it. You don't have to do as he says.

aginghippy Sun 04-Sep-16 15:59:36

He doesn't respect you.

Saltfish Sun 04-Sep-16 15:59:58

Are you in a relationship with him or heading towards that way?

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 16:07:01

I have told him he is entitled to his views - if he wants to go to strip clubs, watch porn etc. that's OK. I won't dictate what I think he should do.

I have also told him my views - I am against the exploitation of women. I view porn & strip clubs as exploitation & degradation towards women. I could go on. At the moment I'm stuck for words.

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 16:09:01

That ^ was confusing. I'm OK if that's what he likes. But I wouldn't want s relationship with him.

HuskyLover1 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:45:11

Well, you worked as a topless model. Then later you worked in a strip club. So, I'm guessing he thinks you are ok with such things. If you had a real problem with it, you wouldn't have worked in that industry. I am no prude, but you wouldn't get me doing topless modelling or working in strip club, for any amount of money at all.

If you're not in a relationship with him, why do you care anyway?

Northernparent68 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:57:52

It's too late now to decide topless modelling and strop clubs are degrading to women

EstellaHavisham Sun 04-Sep-16 17:03:04

I'm not even sure I understand the first post.
You worked as a topless model and at a strip club. Your friend suggests you invest some money you have come into, into a strip joint.
You don't want to.

confused

So what is the issue?

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 17:05:44

I don't think it is too late to have a moral problem with the sex industry. Some of the most vocal anti campaigners are ex-participants.

I can understand why he thought you might not have a problem with his suggestion but once you made it clear you did he should have apologised and STFU

Bumpmadethemjump Sun 04-Sep-16 17:07:11

I have no issue with occasional porn but strip clubs would be a deal breaker.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 04-Sep-16 17:07:28

Same reason I wouldn't invest in a haulage company: I drive the damn things, why would I want to join the ranks of the facegrinding criminals that own them?

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 17:08:39

Do criminals own haulage companies ? shock

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 17:10:25

I was 16/17 when I was modelling topless. Just trying to give some background. In my 20s when doing bar work in a strip club.

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 17:12:13

Very low self esteem at the time.

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 17:16:45

And very young! I was literally shaking at my first photo shoot - taking my top off for strangers. Very naive at the time. I thought it was the only way I could earn some decent money.

Toocold Sun 04-Sep-16 17:27:13

You have every right to not agree with the explotation of women in the sex industry, please don't listen to those that say you don't as you did what you had to do at the time, it's all very well that people say they wouldn't do it for all the money etc, they have no idea of your life or the one you led or lead. I would imagine you and more ex strippers etc would be more than qualified to be against it. Personally it is a deal breaker for me, if my dh even stepped foot in one it would be over, thankfully he agrees with my views, and I think especially having a daughter it is prudent that he does.

Toocold Sun 04-Sep-16 17:28:04

And you don't need to justify your past to anybody,be proud of who you are.

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 17:31:02

Nope, you don't need to justify yourself. I have a problem with the exploitation of both males and females in the sex industry, but I judge only the exploiters

Yoksha Sun 04-Sep-16 17:34:32

Christ, if we all had to carry on justfying past behaviour?

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 17:51:42

Thank FUCK FOR THAT. I was doubting myself. I don't need to now.

Thank fuckety. All those in similar situations will know how I feel. I had a wobble. A step back. I'm not evil for going down the path I went as a teen. It means I have more empathy for those who walk the same path.

HelenaDove Sun 04-Sep-16 18:27:10

Husky i worked in a sex chatline office. I was on JSA and workfare just before that and they wanted me to do more workfare. So i applied for the chatline job when i saw it in the paper and got it. This was 15 years ago.
i didnt have much choice. No one was employing me. And the higher wage they were paying enabled me to go to a slimming class and lose a lot of weight.
Does that mean ive now forfeited my right to not be a "cool wife" (luckily DH has no interest in this type of thing)

Are women who have previously worked in this industry somehow worth less so dont deserve a relationship with a decent man. Because that is the way your post is coming across.

Principles are lovely things to have...........when you can afford them.

ComedyBoobs Sun 04-Sep-16 19:40:47

We all do what we have to do when we have to do it.
I'm from an upper 'middle class' family.
I am proud of where I am now. Judge me? That's fine. I won't judge you.

Anyway.....

Is my past clouding my future with regard to relationships?

Man in question wants something more than the occasional shag. I like him. I think he cares for me.

I am damaged by my past, without any shadow of a doubt. I know that. Hence being here.

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