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Man is a problem

(9 Posts)
neverumind Sat 03-Sep-16 23:26:03

Separated few years many reasons but partly consequence of me falling for another man who turned out wasn't interested in any relationship wiv me, he just blew hot & cold keeping me hanging on. Problem is this guy still in my work, we don't have any face to face contact anymore, but every so often he'll bombard me with calls/ emails regarding something trival for several wks then I'll not hear anything from him from months. Hate to say it, but I still hold a candle for him & find myself thinking about stupid reasons to contact him. I was pretty infatuated by him & he's playing on this. Makes me feel really sick wiv myself for being such an idiot. How can I avoid having this contact ( which gets me wound up), changing jobs isn't a option

LoveRosie2008 Sat 03-Sep-16 23:41:09

By seeing someone else and looking really loved up smile

PassiveAgressiveQueen Sat 03-Sep-16 23:42:43

Is he contacting you about work stuff?

neverumind Sat 03-Sep-16 23:49:46

If only Love. Yes it's all work related so technically I have to take it but he tends to drag the conversation out. Worse of it is I thought I'm over him now, but actually feel myself getting really physically excited when I know he's trying to ring me, sad I know

pallasathena Sun 04-Sep-16 06:06:29

Work on your self esteem issues. If you had healthy boundaries, you would have told him where to go before it got to this miserable point. And try and practise a bit of self control. You are in charge of yourself and your emotions you know.
Its seriously unattractive, mooning after someone who just picks you up and puts you down when they feel like it. Where's your self respect?

PassiveAgressiveQueen Sun 04-Sep-16 10:32:46

Take control of the work conversations, keep them only about work and shut him down if he starts any other subject.
Remember you are allowed to be rude to this one person, "ok so we have discussed the work thing, good bye"

NotTheFordType Sun 04-Sep-16 10:36:49

Why is leaving work not an option?
Could you ask for a transfer to a position where you won't have to deal with him?

neverumind Sun 04-Sep-16 11:33:10

I like my job & don't see why I should have to move. I fell for him in a big way & mistook his actions at the time for mutual attraction, it really broke my heart when I realised that he wasn't interested ' I've tried to move on emotionally but it's almost as though he doesn't want me too & keeps trying to pull me back. Trying trying to take control, decided that when he puts these demands on my time I'll just send brief email & not be available

NotTheFordType Sun 04-Sep-16 11:52:29

I like my job & don't see why I should have to move.

So you're going to stick with it even though you're being caused emotional pain by your forced interactions with this prick?

There are lots of things in life we shouldn't "have" to do, but we do them regardless because it has a better long-term outcome.

I suspect you're actually staying in this job because you feel there's still hope that he'll suddenly realise he wants you after all.

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