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Is this actually a thing or an excuse?

(4 Posts)
Elephantorhat Fri 02-Sep-16 22:50:29

I have been with my DP for 9 months and it hasn't been entirely easy, we both have baggage and stuff which have got in the way of the deep love we feel for each other.
I am a lone parent of an older more or less independent teenager who is very easy going and an 11 yr old who is a challenging tweenager that I struggle with at times. DP has been finding them hard work and I decided to talk to him about it as I can see it getting to be a problem.
Anyway his response was that he doesn't understand children or how to relate to them, that he doesn't want to play or engage with them very much at all because he doesn't know how to.
He has been married before and still sees his ex step children and they seem very fond of him. I am really confused by everything. He says he struggled with them too in which case why did he decide to have a relationship with another single Mum?
Do some people really have a huge problem with children like this?
I am struggling to understand him, not sure how much of a future we have together really if he is just tolerating my children.

Costacoffeeplease Fri 02-Sep-16 23:02:57

It's a bit weird that he's choosing to have relationships with mothers, but otherwise, yes it's entirely possible to not 'get' children or want to be around them much. I don't have children and am not particularly interested in them, I've been married for nearly 30 years, but if I were single I wouldn't be looking to date someone with kids, especially a resident parent

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Fri 02-Sep-16 23:21:42

I love my own DCs but can pretty much take or leave other people's, so yes I can completely understand how he feels and why he doesn't want to play happy families. It may be that he is dating mums because they already have their DCs and aren't looking for him to father any of his own?

If you really love each other then keep your relationship between the two of you, have the odd evening out with your older one looking after the younger, or pay a local teenager to hang out there if your older one is busy. If you get a night off when yours are with their dad then you have another night free. It can be done and can actually help to keep things fun and exciting if you're not living with each other and experiencing the drudge of family life.

TheNaze73 Fri 02-Sep-16 23:25:54

It's only been 9 months, so you should be dating & having fun. This all sounds like hardwork. I don't think he's deliberately targeting single mums, i'd say that the vast majority of potential partners will have children. I'd just look forward to your next date & take a step back

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