My mum is so easily offended

[Disappointednomore]

My mum is currently staying with me. She takes offence at the slightest thing. Just now I realised she had left the tap running and asked her to try to remember to turn it off (she's done this before). She's had a massive strop and said she won't come again since she "does so much wrong" and is currently ignoring me. She is looking after DD whilst I work and I am Really grateful - I dash home to cook dinner and am not asking her to lift a finger other than minding DD. She is quite forgetful now and I wonder if this reaction is because it frightens her.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Ask her if that is the reason. I'm assuming this behaviour is new.

[Disappointednomore]

No it's not new but it's getting worse. She's always been self-absorbed and my sister has been nc with her for years.

[alfagirl73]

My mum does this passive-aggressive thing; only with her its that she thinks she can be as rude as she likes to people, but if you pull her up on it, she does a big dramatic "I'll just not talk at all then!" or "I'll just not say anything anymore!". It's very difficult to deal with.

It's hard to say in your case; I think when people get older and get forgetful they can become defensive because they get worried about it. However you say your DM has been self-absorbed for a long time and your sister has nc... which suggests she's a bit manipulative like my DM and likes to make everything about her? Would that be correct? It could be a combination of the two - one thing fuelling the other.

I wish I could offer a solution because I still struggle to work out the best way to deal with my DM. She'll have a major strop and then not talk to me for days. I live further away now so it's not so bad, but I don't particularly look forward to visiting because I know she'll get into one of her moods, start insulting me and then if I ask her to stop or pull her up on her rudeness, she'll have a major drama.

The only thing I would suggest is pick your battles. If it's something she's forgotten but it's of no major consequence, don't pull her up on it. Obviously if it causes a danger or a major problem, that's a different matter. I've learned over the years to pick my battles with my DM... it doesn't stop her behaviour but it's a way of managing my own stress around her.

[Disappointednomore]

Alfagirl - yes your mum sounds very similar. My mum said last night that my DH leaving me was probably more upsetting for her than for me...

[alfagirl73]

Yes - my mum says exactly that sort of thing; when I relocated with my job (it was a massive career opportunity/promotion that I'd been working towards for ages and she knew that) she said I was only moving to get away from her... EVERYTHING is turned around to be all about her. I actually snapped earlier this year and said "for gods sake, everything is not all about you!". Of course she had a strop/drama about it... but I'd had enough of the manipulation and passive-aggressive drama. I greatly sympathise. It's difficult because when I try to talk rationally and calmly with her, she still has a strop so I find myself trying to reason with the unreasonable.