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Son has decided to live with his Dad

(8 Posts)
user1471499145 Thu 01-Sep-16 11:48:11

After a horrific 8 months my husband and I separated after 27 years. it was my decision to end the marriage.
we have 2 teenage sons and 1 of them has now told me he wants to live with his Dad because he doesn't have anybody.
I feel an overwhelming sadness and self blame.
I just want him to be happy so respect his decision and I have tried to stay reasonably smiley.
has anyone else faced is & if so, how did it all work out

Irontheshirts Thu 01-Sep-16 13:07:41

Just keep your door open xxx

HarmlessChap Thu 01-Sep-16 13:23:04

You shouldn't feel self blame, sounds like your son is thinking about how lonely both of his parents will be feeling and wanting to be with his father knowing that his brother is with you. I'd say that sounds like you've raised a decent young man full of empathy. Be proud.

MatildaTheCat Thu 01-Sep-16 13:24:36

Will it be close enough to visit and keep at school and see same friends? If so, I'm sure he will end up living between two places. My friend's ds did just that and it worked well although after a while they ended up mostly with her.

Madlizzy Thu 01-Sep-16 13:27:49

It's hard. My teenage son is moving back to his dad's house this weekend as he misses living with his siblings. They all know that my door is always open if any of them want to come to me. I've just told them to do what is right for them.

MistressDeeCee Thu 01-Sep-16 13:31:06

Agree with HarmlessChap

Your son sounds lovely and thoughtful. I bet you'll still see a lot of him when he goes. As Iron said - keep your door open

user1471499145 Thu 01-Sep-16 13:34:18

Yes he will only be about 5 mins away. Guess it doesn't help that when my ex is in a particularly pissed off mood he sends me texts telling me it is all my fault & I have broken up the family.
I am extremely proud of him .

elastamum Thu 01-Sep-16 13:42:13

Been there. My 2 teenage DC live with their father in term time as he is in the same town their school is so they can walk back and forwards and I live out in the sticks.

It does hurt to have spent years bringing them up single handed after he left and initially moved far away, and then had them up sticks to his house as teens because it makes their lives easier. And TBH, although I don't live that far away from them, the house is pretty empty and I am a bit lonely as I am on my own most days - but that's my problem not theirs.

When it first happened, I raised the issue of them moving to their dad's as I knew they wanted to go and didn't want to ask, so they went with my blessing. I have tried very hard not to show them how I feel about it, and we still have a good relationship. I figure they will be off to uni in a couple of years so this is just a gradual shift in the our relationship as they move toward independence. Their dad (having avoided the effort of the past 8 years) was really keen to have them but has found the reality a bit of shock - he was moaning to me about the mess, the washing and the amount of food they eat - and I found it really hard not to laugh!

I agree - keep your door open and be supportive and make them feel they can always come back to you - mine always come back to me when they need support money. We still have weekends and holidays together and I try to make them special.

We still talk or message most days. And I always get huge hugs from them whenever they see me. smile

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