Mobile phones - Normal Behaviour

[justme2116]

Now I get that mobile phones are private. And I wouldn't like my DP to snoop through mine. But if he did I am confident he wouldn't find anything. I never change my passcode. It's usually on loud etc.

Is it normal that his:

Is always on quiet.
Has is set so notifications do not come up at all. Not missed calls/texts/whatsapp. (He says this is so he isn't distracted at work)
Changes his password at least every week.
Deletes all call logs/texts etc (says he likes it to be clear. And once a text or whatever is dealt with he deletes it)
Oh and he never answers calls in front of me.
Never shows photos etc.

[Sportygirl123]

Is it a work phone or personal phone? If it's a work phone I can understand why he does not take work calls in front of you, ensures that his password is constantly changed for security, deletes all call/text logs to keep it up to date and has his phone on silent when he is not at work. If it's a personal phone then it does sound like odd behaviour in my opinion.

[FreeFromHarm]

Would say it is a tad fishy..

[TheNaze73]

I have my phone on silent all the time, as I work, delete everything as I go & have nothing to hide. Has he done anything else to trigger your curiosity OP?

[sianihedgehog]

Some people are just like that. They always have an empty email inbox, use password managers and two level authentication for everything, and turn all notifications off so they can concentrate. Lots of people who I know who work in tech are like this.
But, if you feel like something is up, I think there's usually a reason, even if you can't consciously identify it.

[PopFizz]

My phone is always on silent, and I don't allow any notifications on the lock screen. My phone is always locked.

I do show DP photos, and I'm pretty sure he would know my lock code (I know his, and often borrow his phone for stuff). So it's not a complete secret. But my phone is pretty locked down tbh.

[bestofbothhovis]

I would find it odd but then I do the same haha.
I can't stand notifications being on the screen, it irritates me so much. I don't delete messages though because I like re reading them for memories (even though they're really dull I'm just a text hoarder). Phone is always on silent because it's a habit I've always been used to from work etc

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

Maybe send him some pics - say you are trying out different photo shots - then ask him to let you go through them! If it's a yay then great. If its a nay then worry.

[Buzzardbird]

I never answer my phone, unless I'm expecting a call. I always have it on silent/no alerts etc.
I don't have a passcode and I don't delete all messages because I have a poor memory but they do take up space on your phone so I understand people that do.

The only thing that is unusual is changing his password every week. Do you think he suspects you would snoop?

[GreenieGables]

My phone is nearly always on silent, I keep it on me at all times, sleep with it next to me, have a pin code, turn off most notifications (not all) and browse on 'private' all the time. I have nothing to hide at all, it's just the way I am my phone is my best friend

But you're clearly suspecting something or you wouldn't be posting. Trust your gut.

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

mine is mostly on silent...I cannot be doing with being summonsed by a phone. DH and the children get their own text/ringtones and other than that I'll check it in my own good time

Apps, tend to be set to silent once I have worked out how.

Texts...deleted when the inbox gets too full

I only password it when we are on holiday in case it's lost/stolen, but will tell dh anyway.

I'd be more than a bit about him not answering it and changing the password every week....who is he...James Bond?

[Melmelmel687]

Ask him to see his phone. Shouldnt be a prob

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Tbf if someone asked to see my phone I would tell them to fuck off! I have nothing to hide but I'm funny about privacy so it would actually be a dealbreaker for me. I have private conversations, nothing dodgy but if I wanted someone else to know, I would tell them.

I would never dream of asking to see someone's phone any more than I would rifle through someone's diary or handbag.

[LastOneDancing]

What would he do if you asked to use his phone? Would he hand it over or would you get 20 questions about 'why/where's your phone? Etc etc.

IME your gut instinct of these things is usually right.

[Justaboy]

Very suspicious behaviour. When my ex was messing around i could never find her phone, i hunted high and low to find out where she even charged the damn thing.

Still to this day never knew where it was but i was OK leaving mine around open no pass codes as I'd got nothing to hide whereas she had, and plenty.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

If you think he's up to something, then walk away. If you get his phone off him and find nothing then you aren't going to rest easy about it as you obviously suspect him of something. And if you do find something then you presumably would finish it anyway.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Wow - lots of posters who don't understand the concept of privacy

[Justaboy]

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Well privacy is what a cheater seeks there's err, privacy and privacy and between couples perhaps less of that particular secrecy hiding something privacy;!

[WannaBe]

Surely it depends. How long have you been together? Has he always been like it or is this a new thing?

I always have headphones plugged into my phone as I use it with VoiceOver which is intrusive, so any notifications which come up don't get seen until I pick up my phone.

I do delete emails for instance because the sight of hundreds of them in my inbox bothers me. My DP for instance has thousands and I can't imagine why.

The bloody world seems to know my passcode I.e. DP and DS, and DS regularly picks up my phone to look at things e.g. Bus times, stuff on websites etc and given he's a teenager he would soon come across anything I had to hide. .

That being said, if DP suddenly asked to look at my phone because he felt he had a right to I would want to know why.

It's not ok to just demand to see someone's phone just because you don't like the way they use it. Either you trust someone, in which case you do nothing, or you don't, in which case you leave.

[Tabsicle]

I do most of that, as it sits on my desk at work - wouldn't want random messages coming up where my boss can see them.

I delete texts because it feels tidy. No secrets.

[JigglypuffsCaptor]

Meh, I can't get in to DP phone I've no idea what the password is. No notifications display Only icons, I'm not bothered or interested. I trust DP, nothing makes me feel anxious about it.

Contrary however DP knows my password and could get on my phone, but never does, we respect each others privacy, and have no feeling that the other is up to no good.

It's very much mischief managed in this house

However, if I asked DP to see his phone he would huff and then hand it over. I'd probably do the same, but would hand it over.

[LaurieLemons]

Changing the passcode once a week is definitely not normal. Everything else could be, but I can't think of any innocent reason for doing this. Have you asked him about it ?

[coldcanary]

Changing the password and deleting texts/messages can be normal. Having had recent personal experience I can say the big red flag is going from the daily 'where the hell did I put my phone this time?' to it being permanently attached to them.
That's what sets alarm bells off...

[Mum4Fergus]

My phone is on silent/do not disturb unless someone is marked as a favourite. I've turned off all notifications (email, Whats App, Book of Face, etc) so don't see/read anything until I go looking for it. Emails/texts I delete as soon as I've dealt with them...and I've nothing even remotely interesting to hide, it's just what I do

[justme2116]

He always just says it's way the has always done.
I'm very reassured by all your replies. I'm just sentimental. I keep some peoples messages forever.
If I asked to look at his phone the response "no - you should trust me"

[WamBamThankYouMaam]

I delete all messages and call logs, just because it's pointlessly taking up memory otherwise.

I have dual layer security on all my apps.

I frequently change lock patterns on the 2nd layer (1st is my fingerprint)

It's always on silent when I'm home, out of respect to my DH because it's a busy phone and it's not fair to have it bleeping away all evening.

I have most notifications set to not show on my lock screen, purely because I'm not that bothered about them.

I'm a very private person. I have lots of privacy within my relationship because I'm my own person and I value my own space. I don't know DHs pass codes and nor do I want to, I think having private thoughts and conversations is a good thing. I don't need to knowork every single little thing!