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Is this love, or something else?

(9 Posts)
kali550 Tue 30-Aug-16 09:27:42

So Hello folks in the first place. Before sharing my story, I would like to point out that I don’t really find the idea of sharing something personal on the internet fascinating, I know there are people who want to genuinly help, but never felt like doing one before, before this day.
My story begins with some facts. That I am male, in my very early twenties and as far I understood, I have never been in love before. I mean, I have never experienced something like racing heart and butterflies or what ever they are called.
There is one foreign girl who I met with family two years ago. She does not live in my country and visits us once a year with her mother. First time ( she’s all very beautiful and so on) when i saw her, obviously as a normal male, I immediately got physically attracted to her. So even without realizing, subconciously I might have wanted to sleep with her ( but that’s a normal occasion I guess). So I knew that the second time she’d visit us, my sexual intentions would have urged. And so it happened, she visited us two times and my intention had not changed, up until this time. When she visited us third time. We’ve spent two good days together, walking, talking, eating and during these two days I started to feel, as if I am getting attached to her. I did not give it a big thought ( Thought it was just a feeling, that I was feeling well with her), but the night she flew back, I got really sad. The following morning I woke up feeling so sad and so shitty, that I could not understand myself, what was wrong with. Two days passed since then, and I feel much shittier and sadder, so sad that ( yes I know, what I am going to write is not very manly) I feel like crying. I fking miss her and want her to come back soon. All those sexual feelings I had towards her, vanished. I can’t even go to social networks, so I won’t see her picture.
So long story in short. Do I love her? Note that I did not have those moments of love that I mentioned above, I just feel really sad and miss her. So I love her? or is it just a moment which will last for few more days? If i keep feeling so depressed, I might even abandon university and move to her.
Sorry for such long post

category12 Tue 30-Aug-16 10:51:57

Infatuation maybe.

ImperialBlether Tue 30-Aug-16 10:56:44

I don't want to be harsh, but don't be daft about giving up university to go after her. You've only seen her on two occasions. She's going to be startled and worried if you head off to her country to look for her. If you stay here and get your qualifications then you'll be in a far better position to attract her when you see her next.

In the meantime remember it's not a relationship as such, so you can see other young women while you're at university. If this relationship is meant to be, it will happen, don't worry.

ElspethFlashman Tue 30-Aug-16 10:58:26

Its infatuation, which can be mightily intense. Especially when its the first one.

Think of it as a good sign, this is utterly normal emotional development. But it would become destructive and negative were you to let it run your life to the extent that you would throw up uni and move countries!

Its hard to get out from under it, tbh it has to run its course and that could take months. The best recourse is socialising as much as possible, lots of distraction. And FB is not your friend during this time, so if you have the balls to unfollow her, do it!

NotTheFordType Tue 30-Aug-16 11:06:06

You've got a crush on her. It's part of growing up.

MsStricty Tue 30-Aug-16 11:19:34

If you have to ask whether it's love, then it probably isn't, no.

SleepingTiger Tue 30-Aug-16 11:39:40

Sounds like it could be the spark of love.

Don't give up university though, keep in touch with her and see what develops. You will have a better position.

Google Bob Marley love quotes. He puts it very succinctly and the need to relax around love is essential to make it work. She may be your first but she may not be your last. Who knows.

Runoutoftime16 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:54:51

You may always feel this way about her but you must carry on with your plans and own life at your age. Have you told her how you feel?

kali550 Thu 01-Sep-16 05:28:05

Well thanks for your help guys. I was joking about university thing, obviously I am not planning to give up my whole career, so easily. And on the question whether I have talked with her about my feelings or not, answer is nope. And I am not intended to do so on the internet. And there are few reasons why:
1)She's graduating from high school ( yeap, she's few years younger than I am), which means, that no matter what move I make, she first has to finish her school, and afterwards think about future
2)She's totally out of my league.(as I already said, I have never seen such beauty in my life). I am not ugly or anything, but I am neither johnny depp. The time we've spent together is very, very little to confess to her
3)If I confess, and she denies, won't feel like our relationship can get along, then I might ruin the friendship of our families. ( I am not really afraid of getting denied or something like that, I have enough things to take care of, to move on). The friendship, that her mother has put so much effort to make. ( and one more thing, her mother pretty much ships us)
I have always emphasized with frank zappas song "broken hearts are for as*holes". There were so many brokenhearted people around me, I geniunly could not understand why they were so depress, as I have read so much about love, that it is radiant and beautiful feeling. But I finally understood their concerns, as I became victim of my own doubts.

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