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Why would someone try to paint themselves in a bad light?

(9 Posts)
britneyscarpoolkaraoke Mon 29-Aug-16 11:07:48

I have a male colleague and kind of friend who tries to create a false image of himself but in a really negative way. Examples, 1) he's told me that he's very non-committal about social events, doesn't like organising things and doesn't have any friends, yet he recently arranged a team in a local pub quiz (something which appears to require social skills he says he doesn't have). 2) he goes on about how selfish and self-centred he is, yet a few times has gone out of his way to do really nice and considerate things for others.

Sometimes i think he's just a liar and i'd should really keep my distance from him. But other times i wonder if he has something else going on and i should just accept that's how he is. Any insights into this kind of behaviour?

RitaConnors Mon 29-Aug-16 11:17:53

I was going to say 'so they can treat you badly further down the line and then turn it back on you and say it's your fault because they told you they were a bastard'.

This doesn't sound like that though. Maybe he is trying to push himself a bit. I don't think organising a pub quiz team means that he is misleading people about having no social skills and no friends though.

LesisMiserable Mon 29-Aug-16 11:18:59

Because he doesn't want you to be attracted to him ?

TheStoic Mon 29-Aug-16 11:19:57

Not sure, but I'd believe him.

pinkdonkey Mon 29-Aug-16 11:22:45

Either he's got no self confidence and believes what hes saying or he's got low self confidence and is looking for validation from you that he's not what he says. Or he fancies you and is encouraging you to complinent him to see if you like him.

TimTamTerrier Mon 29-Aug-16 11:28:13

Perhaps he's managing expectations. If everyone accepts that he is not very extrovert then he can pick and choose what social activities he does. If he has an unhelpful image then he can do kind things without being taken for granted.

I did something similar when I moved country and the DC started at a new school. I allowed myself to be seen as nice but vague and disorganised, I didn't have to be disorganised I just mentioned that I had almost forgotten X and only remembered just in time. It means I don't get roped in to organising things but I can still volunteer to help as much as I want.

Resilience16 Mon 29-Aug-16 11:38:18

He wants to be able to pick and choose what he wants to be involved in. It's no biggie.
When you end up with the role of organiser you tend to get things dumped on you (it's ok Fred will sort the Xmas do/ the coffee money/ the birthday collections etc etc)
I don't blame him for not wanting to be taken for granted . Not sure why it's such a big concern to you tho?

Runoutoftime16 Mon 29-Aug-16 11:55:48

What Lesis said!

AyeAmarok Mon 29-Aug-16 12:11:51

Either he has absolutely no self confidence whatsoever (ie his parents always told him that he's a bit shit at X, Y and Z).

Or he's managing expectations. Timtam's explanation if this is good.

Neither of which make him a bad person IMO. Just not a very cocky one.

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