That's it really.
I am 31 weeks pregnant by my ex. He was my world, I loved him in a way I didn't know existed. He cheated on me and broke me. He started a new relationship but kept living with me and didn't tell me about it. He carried on sleeping with me, and I fell pregnant.
I have never had the time I needed to get over the relationship. I have always held out hope that we would somehow work it out. That's not why I kept the baby, I kept the baby because I wanted it and I couldn't bear to have an abortion. But I also always hoped that the baby would bring us back together. I know that's horribly naive.
ExP and I continued to live together and things have actually been really nice. We are physically affectionate, sleep in the same bed a couple of nights a week, kiss (but nothing else) etc. And he has been very much involved with the pregnancy. All of which have led me to think there was a chance for us, and that if he is still involved with OW, it is not serious or committed. But things have recently taken a big turn for the worse. Our relationship (in the friend, supportive, co-parent way) has deteriorated and he says he feels nothing for me and we will never ever be together again. He talks to me like he hates me, he threatens to walk out and leave and never come back. He tells me I've ruined his life, that his life is shit and it's my fault. When I get upset he yells at me for 'making it all about me', and when I object to him shouting and swearing at me he says I should just 'take it'.
I know I need to leave but I don't know how. I am still stuck in the past, in the wonderful, incredible relationship that we had, and I don't understand how he was able to so casually throw it away without a second thought. I don't know how I will be able to fix myself while looking after a baby, how I will ever stop loving him, and how I will ever find love again. I feel completely torn to pieces and, worst of all, I feel like I'm starting to resent and regret the baby I was previously so excited about as it will prevent me from ever having a clean break away from him.
I realise I sound pathetic. I hate it - I am a strong, educated, (formerly) independent, strong-willed woman in my 30s... but this man was my world. I also suspect he was/is EA but I am too confused to know.
Please, help me see that I can move past it, that there is life after a big love has ended, and that I can be strong enough to leave him, take the baby and start again.
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How do I mend a shattered heart?
5 replies
PleasehelpmetoLTB · 29/08/2016 08:27
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