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Ffs FIL on holiday

(14 Posts)
Justmusing Sun 28-Aug-16 20:50:19

Sorry in advance for this but I need a rant!!
Currently in france on our hols (our being myself, oh and 4 kids) all fine except OH invited his dad. His dad is very very laid back, well more of a lazy dick to be honest. He has always impacted our life, not in a good way. He's a hoarder and the most messy person I have every met. Anywhere he goes he leaves a trail of old cars, rubbish etc around. He is always getting into trouble with the council etc. We have planning permission to build a house on a field that my OH and he owns. Thing is he has been living in a caravan on said plots of land and has caused a terrible mess am talking about 6 cars and just piles of shit everywhere - he has a perfectly good home up north going to waste (yes full of his shit). Basically everywhere we move he has to follow us. He has a daughter too and seems to go from her home to ours. We are now facing baliffs action too (his debt but because land he is on is jointly owned it's our stuff too) he won't sort it out. He looks like a tramp. He stinks of BO he smokes a shed load of skunk. He's 58 he's not disables he is perfectly capable of working. He is a qualified electrician but won't work. My partner is self employed as am I. Partner let's him do a few hours every week but he turns up late and can't be trusted to be on time for deliveries etc or will take the work van and disappear for the day after a delivery or worse still stop off at a junk shop or auction and spend the money the customer has given him on junk!!! Thing is OH has invitem him o hols and it's a feck in nightmare. He is not paying for a single thing. He has not contributed in anyway. Not even helped with things like packing the dishwasher etc. Fuck all. I never wanted him to come but oh feels sorry for him.
This is only a fraction of his behaviour.
Trying to kep my cool but I just want to go home. He's a hard faced bastard. He's so lazy. He's so so selfish. Oh is fed up of him too.
Am here til thursday. I wanna pack up and go now. The thing is the kids adore him so don't wanna create a scene but it's horrid. I know if I say something I won't be able to hold back. It's no fun just stressful. Currently sat up staits in bed as sooooo pissed off. He won't take a hint. Never ever again is he coming away with us. It's causing major problems with my oh and me. I juSt want to let rip but can't.
arghhhhhh

Justmusing Sun 28-Aug-16 20:57:02

Hr impacts our life as we are assosiated with him and his debt and with the local council. Not good for future development being related to a hoarder. He has a HGV vehicle he has on his mother's field who is about to move out. No prizes where he will want to move it. Yes our field. Where my horses are. How can we get this.man out of our life and stop.him.following us around?? Bumming money off us. He ordered food yesterday at the beach bar as did we all and when the bill came he disappeared! ! He waited and hung back in mac Donalds when we ordered food hoping we would order for him and we didn't. He soon pulled his wallet out. Thing is he has plenty of money in his account with no outgoings. We know this. He's just a huge hard faced sponge

Justmusing Sun 28-Aug-16 20:59:51

We have not paid for anything else for him. But it's difficult when we are cooking tea and our 3 yr old says grandads eating his tea next to me please. It's bloody akward. I don't know how he can sponge off his son and his young family. We ain't got much money and we both work dam hard for what we have

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 28-Aug-16 21:06:48

You should pack up and go home asap taking the children with you.

Why can't you let rip. Will that really be the end of this relationship between you and your partner then?.

Why was he at all invited, did you not say no to start with?. And if you did what was your partner's response?.

Your problem here is not just his dad. Its also your man who cannot and will not stand up for his own family unit. Why is your man so obligated to his father?. It sounds like your man has FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) in spades with regards to his dad. He is still putting his dad's needs well above yours and the children even though he states he is also fed up of him. Does he really still think his dad will at all change?.

I doubt very much that your children actually adore their grandfather at all; why did you use that word?. This man and your partner are both relying on you not to cause a scene along with kicking them both to the kerbside.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 28-Aug-16 21:10:03

The children "adoring" this man is not a reason or justification for you to stay. Why do you think they "adore" this man at all?.

Justmusing Sun 28-Aug-16 21:20:10

We are in france currently. I know it's my partner who also needs to stand up to him. He just says he will never ever take him on hols again. His dad has gotten worse over the years we have been together (14 of them) it's just really tipping me over the edge. He is good with the kids as they see alot of him as he does do some work for my OH plus he is round the house a few times per week and he lives in the caravan down the field where I visit daily as that's where the horses are. I guess my oh feels sorry for him deep down (I know ohs sister does, she and her partner will happily give him an allowance and her total takes advantage. He split with OH mum around 15 years ago and she is remarried and says he's always been a selfish lazy man and he's got skin like a rhino, she said he wouldn't think twice about coming between us. I just don't know how to handle this situation. Not expecting OH to cut him out but he really needs to move back to his house in l pool closer to his daughter and sort himself out instead of affecting outlr lives :/

happypoobum Sun 28-Aug-16 21:21:05

I agree with Attila this sounds awful. Why are you tolerating this shit?

Why did you agree to go when DH invited FIL? It sounds like a bloody nightmare all round, what with the debt and everything.

Justmusing Sun 28-Aug-16 21:22:07

Thing is OH has offered to help sort out his house up north but he just doesn't want to know. I know o could let rip but tbh it won't make any difference to his behaviour.

ChicRock Sun 28-Aug-16 21:24:13

The problem is your partner.

Pack your stuff and take your kids home tomorrow.

Justmusing Sun 28-Aug-16 21:34:02

Chic rock - the holiday is just a temporary thing and I know I can rid of him when we get home (well the bumming off us for now) it's the long term that's bothering me. 😯

GoldFishFingerz Sun 28-Aug-16 21:54:40

Can you buy him out land wise, then get rid of all his crap.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 28-Aug-16 22:05:37

The DC adore him and you think this is a reason to keep them around him? What?!

If my kids start idolising someone who is a lazy skunk smoking hoarding disrespectful waste of space, I'll get them as far away from that person as possible. Get them away from him, before they start copying him.

Mind you, he's got it good. He does fuck all, gets everything bought for him on holiday, makes your OH look bad to customers (kids don't see that part obviously), works when he feels like it, doesn't when he doesn't, lies around all day doing what he wants. The result, free holidays and you skivvy around serving his Lordship. Yep, way to show your kids that that's how to get what you want from people.

No!

Or is the whole "the kids love him" thing just an excuse not to tell him to Fuck The Fuck Off because you are scared your OH would choose him over you and the DC if you made him choose?

GoldFishFingerz Sun 28-Aug-16 22:12:18

Don't go home. Tell your DH you are not hanging out with him and fil. You're off to have some nice days with DC and will tell DC that the men have something important to discuss, so need to give them space. Tell dh he can take this opportunity to explain to fil how much his hoarding is negatively impacting his family and get them to work up a plan to resolve things. GP, professional advice, action plans for car disposal/debt. I wouldn't spend time with him unless he was moving in the right direction. Presently he isn't thinking of your families needs and you are in your knees!

GoldFishFingerz Sun 28-Aug-16 22:14:01

Can you have the land separated?

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