I haven't posted here or anywhere on MN before but don't have anyone I can talk to in person about this so am really hoping for some advice or support please xx
To give just a quick bit of background, I spent a lot of time in my late teens/20s pretty messed up-I was self harming, anorexic, had depression and had only had one boyfriend before meeting my now husband five years ago. It was a messy relationship to begin with, we broke up twice and lots of my friends were very against us getting back together, feeling that he wasn't right for me and warning me I'd be unhappy (of course at the time I didn't listen to them). I was just so so happy to have found someone who loved me and told me I was special and beautiful and who wanted to be with me, and at the time I was absolutely crazy about him. Anyway it was a roller coaster of break ups and make ups followed by an engagement, marriage and baby all within a short time. Fast forward to now, our little girl is 11 months old and I am completely miserable. He tries so hard to be a good dad and is brilliant with her most of the time and he's also so good to me, but since she came along I'm seeing more and more flashes of a nasty temper (like calling her a fcking little btch when she was tiny and wouldn't stop crying, saying he wishes he'd never got married etc). I'm equally as tired and sleep deprived so I know I probably say nasty things too (but never ever to our baby) and I also think I have PND which makes me really hard to live with in fairness. But there is also the fact that he can be quite sharp and mean to others but doesn't recognise it as being mean, saying instead that they are too sensitive. The thing is I think those traits were always there but I made excuses for them and for him as I just wanted to be loved so much, I never thought anyone would love me like he did/does. But after all these years and especially since becoming a mum, I've grown in confidence and am not the same person I was when we first met. But I'm so so afraid. My little girl needs her daddy and he is a wonderful father (the swearing etc has only been a handful of times, so maybe I'm overplaying it) and he tries so hard to take care of me, always looking after me, telling me to take a break etc. Plus he works super long hours as well as being on call too. But I can't stop these niggling doubts about it and genuinely am starting to think if it wasn't for our daughter I would walk away. Am I only seeing the nastiness because we're tired and still adjusting to new parenthood? Am I just looking for an excuse? I'm not even looking for answers to this but just know it would devastate him to say I wanted out, yet feel completely and utterly trapped and don't know what to do. Thank you for reading, I didn't mean to write such a long post!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Think I would leave him if not for baby...
5 replies
Daisydoo132 · 27/08/2016 16:59
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.