Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Slept with ex! Feel so stupid and angry with myself!

42 replies

shenry25 · 26/08/2016 23:44

I was on here a few weeks ago asking for advice and I think I've messed up yet again! (Story of my life!)
My ex and I broke up 4 weeks ago and we didn't contact each other until last Saturday when he sent me a message to see how things were. We were texting for a while then we chatted on the phone. He told me how much he'd missed talking to me and being with me. He then called down to my house where we chatted for a good hour or so. Then we had sex. I know I shouldn't have until the issues between us had been completely ironed out. Now I feel stupid. The next morning he said we really need to figure out the "state of play" between us. He said he did want more and that things have to and will change between us. Basically we had broke up because our relationship had essentially devolved into FWB's, my family thought I deserved better and decided to message him (my mum and cousin.) He had agreed at the time that I was better off without him etc and I didn't hear from him until last week. He said he didn't care what my family think. He has feelings for me and really cares about me.
Unfortunately now I am no further forward as to where I stand. I have been texting him through the week and have had some replies. Not as much as I like. He rang me on Sunday to see how I was doing because he felt bad not replying much. I know he works a lot and I respect that but I really need to know if we can make this work! I'm thinking of texting him and telling him we need to sort this out now because I can't take anymore being left in limbo. I do care about him but it has to work two ways. I can't be the only one making all the effort all the time. It's tiring and it's wearing me down all the time. If he wants to be with me, then he's going to have to man up.
What do I do now?

OP posts:

Report

MeMySonandl · 26/08/2016 23:49

Honestly, throw your phone away/delete your number to avoid the temptation to contact him. If he is only replying to some of the texts, he is really not that interested, especially when becwould be grovelling around you after being away for almost a month.

Don't buy the thing of being busy with work, unless you are sending him texts every hour, it is not to answer.

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 00:01

He did come back saying how much he missed me, how much he cared and he just can't stay away from me. That is would be his loss if he threw away what we had cos he knows he'll never find anything like this again. I definitely don't send one every hour. Just the odd funny picture or just to check in on how he is doing. I hate the fact that I am right back to square one again.

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 27/08/2016 00:03

He's taking the piss big style. If he cared about you at all, he wouldn't have taken advantage of you again. Don't humiliate yourself or beg. Delete his number & move on. Additionally, never let your Mum text him. What the hell was that about??

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 00:06

My mum took it upon herself to tell him that we should be more than friends with benefits. Which I was furious at. She didn't understand and I told her to mind her own. She kept wondering why we weren't official yet and then figured she would get involved. I'm pretty angry at myself for listening to it but he actually seemed to be sorry for the way he got on. Stupid me eh?

OP posts:

MeMySonandl · 27/08/2016 00:16

I think he is only telling you what you want to hear in order to get his way.

Don't send them texts to check how he is doing (unless there is a situation That he is dealing with). Same goes for the pictures. You are acting as if you are back to where you were, and therefore he is just treating you in the same way.

AyeAmarok · 27/08/2016 00:18

With everything you've said so far, it sounds a bit like he's just keeping you there as an option, but doesn't really want to have to put in the effort of being in a relationship with you.

It sounds like the usual "he's just not that into you". Don't settle for that. You shouldn't have to beg someone to reply to your texts, if he was really interested, he'd want to reply himself, and he would do.

Finish it properly and move on to the next one.

pocketsaviour · 27/08/2016 00:24

Sounds like your family are the ones who have fucked this up for you, not him.

I'd tell them to wind their necks in for future efforts.

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 00:30

I thought my family had fucked it up for me but he said he doesn't care what they think, he just cares what I want. I did tell them to back off and quit concerning themselves with my life.

He does seem like he's just keeping me there as an option and I am not putting up with that! I told him I was happy with the whole FWB situation and he said he was too. Although he also said that we have to go out and do more stuff together too. He said "you can't deny you want more from this, and neither can I" The whole things has just messed my head up more. I'm just going to tell him that either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. It really is as black and white as that. If he still doesn't know what he wants after 7 months, well he never is.

OP posts:

BlueFolly · 27/08/2016 01:10

I think most people would back off if they got that text from their GFs mum!

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 01:12

We did stop contact for a few weeks and then he came back saying how much he'd missed me and he didn't care what my family thought, he only cared about what I wanted so I don't know.

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 27/08/2016 05:24

Jesus. You've been together 7 months and your family are texting him telling him that he's not good enough for you? Fucking hell, anybody would run a mile from that.

BillSykesDog · 27/08/2016 05:31

And he's saying he 'wants more from this' and to go out together etc, etc. Basically a proper relationship. How much more do you want him to spell it out?

RedMapleLeaf · 27/08/2016 06:49

He says "I miss you" and you hear "I want to spend more time with you".

VioletBam · 27/08/2016 06:51

cant' stay away from you is code for "likes shagging you"

Delete his number.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 27/08/2016 06:56

violet has it spot on I'm afraid

RedMapleLeaf · 27/08/2016 07:18

He says, "I don't care what your family think" you hear, "let's elope!".

ivykaty44 · 27/08/2016 07:25

How on earth did your mum get his number and why is she trying to run your life.

Tbh after 4 weeks if he is missing you then possibly he does but he is worried if he gets involved with you will your mum be in on the relationship - no one wants a mum in on any relationship

madgingermunchkin · 27/08/2016 07:28

BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK!

He is using you, and he knows that you are naive enough to fall for any bullshit he spins you.

He he wanted to be with you, he would be dating you, not just rocking up for a shag when he feels like it.

Don't be stupid. Block him on Facebook, block his number. Dont just delete him, because as soon as he messages you again, you'll end up back here again.

penguinplease · 27/08/2016 07:29

I remember your previous thread.
Get some dignity and walk away!
Tell your family to keep out in future unless you are 14.

PastoralCare · 27/08/2016 08:06

Are you unhappy because he's a bad person, because you don't like uncertainty or because it's not as good as you imagine it could be with some Mr Darcy?

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 08:38

What do you mean BillSkyesDog? That he wants a proper relationship with me? I don't understand.

OP posts:

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 08:39

My mum didn't get his number. It was through Facebook 😕 She has always been very interfering even after I left home.

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

smilingeyes11 · 27/08/2016 08:57

you posted about this before and were advised unanimously to avoid him and now you are deciphering everything he has said and are drawing the conclusion that he wants you. Yes he wants sex but that is it. If he really wanted to be with you do you think he would stay away for 4 weeks then just turn up for sex? Where is your self esteem? Yes your mum was wrong but I completely agree with her sentiment.

shenry25 · 27/08/2016 12:40

I know that smilingeyes11 and I feel pretty stupid for what I done. We spent a good few hours talking about what we wanted and then things just escalated unfortunately. I feel like a complete idiot. We had agreed to take s break from each other for a while and he one the one who came back, not me.

OP posts:

madgingermunchkin · 27/08/2016 13:13

He will keep coming back, because he knows that all he has to do is spin you a few lies, and you'll fall for it again and again. You need to be the one to find your self esteem, and be strong enough to tell him where to go. Because he will keep preying on you until he gets bored and moves on to his next victim.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.