Effect of separation on children? Worried...

[laulau2006]

Hello,I'm new to the forum. I hope there will be some good advice out there for me!
I'm currently having serious thoughts about leaving my relationship with my partner. We've been together 25 years and have a child together. We aren't married. To cut a long story short, we have gone from being best friends to barely speaking.

Our relationship has been deteriorating for the last 8 years due to various life events. I have tried hard to make it work but it has been very one sided and now things are getting to the point where we barely speak. He shouts at me a lot in front of our child and things are very tense at home.

I think about leaving him often as he is emotionally very controlling and verbally abusive. There is no affection physically or emotionally. I am stuck however at the moment as I am starting a higher education course in september to train in a new profession. This will give me the independence and monetary freedom to leave him once I'm qualified.

I worry about the effect of leaving him on my son. I also worry about the effect of what he sees at home and how it will imprint on him later on in life too.

I don't know what to do, to stay or go. I'm not asking for advice on what to do but would like to find out how other people's children reacted to a separation / divorce and whether the children are better off out of a toxic relationship rather than in it.?

I feel so sad about my relationship as I did love him very much but over the years it has faded away and now there isn't much left.www.mumsnet.com/emo/te/3.gif.pagespeed.ce.ohOMRL_vp7.gif

I look forward to your replies.

[Blossomblast]

I haven't read the previous thread but how long is your course? It sounds like you've already made up your mind so might be stressful to factor him I'm to future plans, even short to medium term?

[laulau2006]

The course starts next week and lasts until July. I won't be on a salary so living on my savings. He will pay the mortgage as I will be a student.

Concerned about effect of separation on our son though...any advice much appreiciated!

[rollmeover]

Do the course, detach emotionally and get out next year as soon as your course finishes. This gives you time to plan fully, get a house etc.
In the meantime protect your DC as much as possible. The DC will be much better off in the long run if you leave.