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Is honesty the best policy here?

(53 Posts)
Applesandpears86 Fri 26-Aug-16 16:14:41

I'll try to keep this short as possible.

I have been dating someone for coming up to 6 months now. He works away a lot but I am pretty independent so this has never been an issue.

I've started to fall for him in a big way. I know he has feelings for me too but I was confused as to why he wasn't taking the relationship to any new levels (e.g. meeting friends, making medium term plans). A couple of weeks ago I initiated the 'what are we' talking he admitted that he is moving abroad in a couple of months for work (likely 2-3 years).

I didn't think that he wanted to do long distance so I finished things with him. Since we've been back in contact, I saw him yesterday and I think he is pretty gutted about it but has resigned himself to never being able to have a relationship (he moves a lot)?

I have thought a lot about it and I really would like us to give it a go.

Is it worth being honest with him to see what he says or to just leave it and move on?

pallasathena Fri 26-Aug-16 17:04:35

Go for it! You'll always wonder if you don't.

Shayelle Fri 26-Aug-16 17:07:26

Who got back in touch with who?

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:08:50

If you think you'll look back in a months time with regrets then why not just try it out! You have more to gain than you have to loose as they say.

Applesandpears86 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:12:12

We were both acting very cool and upfront about it yesterday. Eg, 'we're adults, we can hang out and sleep together without getting feelings'.

But I feel like it was almost too cool?

Other than that, nothing was different. I think we probably will see each other again (he goes away for a few weeks next week) so I guess it's how to approach it?

Applesandpears86 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:12:56

I got back in touch with him but seeing as I ended things I thought that was fair enough?

Shayelle Fri 26-Aug-16 17:12:58

Did you get back in touch with him, after you ended it?

Shayelle Fri 26-Aug-16 17:13:49

X post.. I think he is just teying to get a shag out of you before he disappears. Sorry x

ohdearme1958 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:13:56

Oh come on OP. grab that bull by the horns, or is it the ears? And tell him how you feel!

Applesandpears86 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:15:04

Well I saw him yesterday, he stayed overnight and we didn't dtd?

We hung out and kissed?

Shayelle Fri 26-Aug-16 17:17:00

Just lay your cards on the table then. Tell him how you feel. You have nothing to lose smile

Shayelle Fri 26-Aug-16 17:19:55

It is a shame he didnt broach the subject of him moving abroad until you gave him an ultimatum though... Then you had to get back in touch with him so he knows he has you hooked. Be careful

Applesandpears86 Fri 26-Aug-16 17:21:10

Well no I was aware he was moving but neither of us really mentioned it/he didn't put a date or location to it. I didn't want to bring it up with him because I kind of knew the answer?

Shayelle Fri 26-Aug-16 17:25:36

Why hasnt he said to you about having a relationship then, knowing he's going? If he wanted to he would have... its up to you, it must feel very hard if you have feelings for him and he is leaving x

MatildaTheCat Fri 26-Aug-16 19:52:12

Sure, be honest. How far is he going and how flexible are you in terms of work and home? It could work but who knows? Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Applesandpears86 Fri 26-Aug-16 21:06:10

It will be UK and Ireland. I don't have ties where I live and I can work from home several days per week so thats fairly flexible.

I'm not sure how to tell him without scaring him away I guess...

MatildaTheCat Fri 26-Aug-16 21:28:10

Good grief, that's nothing. What do you have to lose by telling him? Not a lot. He sounds keen so go for it. If he says no then sadly he's not as keen as he seems but you won't be left thinking, what if?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 26-Aug-16 22:15:58

How did you leave it last time - ie will he/you be in touch to hangout again?
If you do, I would use that opportunity to broach the subject with him.
I wouldn't say outright (at the beginning) that I was keen/could move etc., but I would certainly sound him out about what his thoughts were and how/if he saw things evolving before you finished it and how he feels now.
Good luck!

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 26-Aug-16 22:18:28

Don't over think it - what you say will come naturally enough when you are with him. Go for it, it will be fine and as others have said, do not miss out on what could potentially be a lovely opportunity for you both.

ImperialBlether Fri 26-Aug-16 22:28:43

I don't understand - are you going to suggest you go with him? Has he asked you to do this?

TheNaze73 Fri 26-Aug-16 23:18:05

What exactly are you proposing to do? Has he specifically asked you to join him?

Applesandpears86 Sat 27-Aug-16 08:10:37

I hopefully will see him again - we did allude to it. If we don't I guess I could email him.

I want to tell him that I would like to try long distance and if he feels that it could work. I'm sensible, I know it won't work if he doesn't want it to.

No I'm not saying I'm going with him but I'm saying that, in time if it is working, I'm not against moving to be with him. His job doesn't allow him to pick where he lives unfortunately whereas mine is much more flexible.

chocoLit Sat 27-Aug-16 08:15:41

Christ I thought you meant Oz or something?!?

Ireland is still only a half hour flight right?? I married my 'long distance Ireland partner' and he's right here<snoring> 15yrs later,

Just talk like grown ups. Nothing lost by trying

Applesandpears86 Sat 27-Aug-16 08:23:43

He seems very against it though which is making me concerned. He keeps telling me he'll still be alone in 10 years because of moving.

I'm not sure if he is just trying to go along with what I've said before though!

larrygrylls Sat 27-Aug-16 08:28:07

could he be married, rather than travelling?

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