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Men and Regrets

(13 Posts)
user1470296287 Thu 25-Aug-16 10:24:29

Hi just looking for any opinions or experiences really, it has been said to me on a few occasions that men tend to have regrets a lot later in the separation/Divorce process and sometimes only come to realise this when its too late.
I am curious to know if there is some truth in this as i know as a women the process is incredibly hard in the beginning and has just started to get easier so i am now starting to see a way forward to the future, but someone has told me that men process everything in a different way and tend to have the impact/hurt or regret later on.
Anyone had this happen to them ?

Runoutoftime16 Thu 25-Aug-16 10:50:13

Yes a relative who is now an OAP is now expressing regret. I think mainly due to the fact young men are naturally driven so much by their sex drive that when it all calms down they really see the damage they have caused to others.

tartanbuggy Thu 25-Aug-16 13:57:56

Hmmmm, watching with interest! I instigated divorce proceedings a few months ago after STBXH left for an OW. I am finding it incredibly difficult, even though I'm the petitioner. Have no idea how STBXH is feeling at the moment, but wonder how he will feel further down the line. Hope he's bloody miserable!

TheNaze73 Thu 25-Aug-16 15:05:58

Don't think there's going to be a definitive answer here. Think a lot depends on the circumstances & the personalities involved

Mummydummy Thu 25-Aug-16 22:02:46

My ex said 'I had the prefect life and I threw it away.' And he caused an immense amount of suffering. But its not relevant - I moved on. I don't think you are - but please don't dwell on it. You are free now and it doesnt matter how he feels anymore.

HappyJanuary Thu 25-Aug-16 23:23:58

I have read that men and women deal with divorce, separation and any break up really in distinctly different ways.

Apparently women start off miserable and heal over time, whereas men start off relieved and excited/optimistic but go on to repent at leisure.

I guess they'd be regretful and asking for another chance just as their wife or girlfriend is moving on happily!

It's probably generalised rubbish, but has been borne out by lots of my friends.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 25-Aug-16 23:31:37

I think that what you are saying is very generalised, it (as others have said) depends on the person and I also believe that it depends on the situation you are left and what support network you have around you.

Missgraeme Thu 25-Aug-16 23:34:39

I waited ten years for an apology and an acknowledgement that he was indeed a twat.

Mummydummy Thu 25-Aug-16 23:42:25

There's no closure, thats in the movies. You never know and it doesn't matter. Your good and happy life is not dependent on anything to do with his.

PastoralCare Fri 26-Aug-16 16:31:26

Generally, men may regret later on, some wont.

But don't base your decision or well on how soon and how much someone else will regret theirs.

If he's not right for you, he's not right for you, regardless of whether he will feel intense remorse and sadness a second later or live a happy life never to regret anything.

PastoralCare Fri 26-Aug-16 16:32:34

It should read.. "don't base your decision on how soon and how much..."

user1470296287 Sat 27-Aug-16 10:44:16

Thankyou for the replies, the common theme seems to be don't worry if he has regrets as its no longer my problem and of course your all right in that respect it really won't matter as i will probably never know anyway.

I think the question of regrets are for my own self esteem really that my Husband of 18 yrs can just throw everything away for what seems to be no good reason and have no regrets seems so cold and callous to myself and to our family.
Anyway thankyou its interesting to see other peoples take on a situation.

Cookingongas Sat 27-Aug-16 10:56:55

I studied sociology for a while years ago and there was a study that showed statistically, divorced men are the most likely to describe themselves as unhappy whilst divorced women are the most likely to describe themselves as happy. The happiest men were those married with 2.4. The unhappiest were women married with 2.4 sad

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