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Helpless and feeling alone

(8 Posts)
freerunner75 Wed 24-Aug-16 23:31:28

I'm drinking... I'm sorry

Having teenager issues which are driving me to the grave. Prescriptive drugs (codiene) packets found under his pillow after weed use discovered...

Am so trying to deal with that but my partner seems to back up my child ..., great in one sense but demoralising in another.

OH grew up in a different town than me... To sum it up I guess you would class me as a little snobby. The village I grew up in was my pad... I knew everyone and I knew 'the patch'.

Moved into my partners 'patch' five years ago... Including moving my kids school. My son is now 15yrs. I found out he has smoked and sold weed: thought I had dealt with all of that.... Gave him an ultimatum... 2. Envelopes.... 1 containing info on dealing weed and the consequences and 2 a Cv written for a job I knew he would likely get if he chose that path. 3 weeks later he chose envelope 2 and thankfully got the job which he is doing really well in.

And now this. Went for dinner tonight in suggestion of my oh .... But he just backed my son up the whole time. I partly admire him for the support.... But ... I come from a different neck of the woods where My sons behaviour is not considered 'normal'. My oh does consider it normal to a degree and this frightens me.

He had two children not far off the age of my two and I keep asking him how he would feel if it was either of his in this's position... Would he still support them the same way.

He has just gone mental at me...,, avoided the question completely and made me feel like a psycho. Told me not to sleep in our bed tonight and leave him alone?!

Why? What is so wrong about trying to associate how I feel to how he would feel with his own????

Enough. X

freerunner75 Thu 25-Aug-16 00:05:39

Ps should mention that I found empty codeine packets under my sons pillow last night:....:. Devastated

Resilience16 Thu 25-Aug-16 00:15:48

Hi, have a look at the Adfam.org.uk website for support and advice x

freerunner75 Thu 25-Aug-16 15:24:53

Thank you ... I will have a look. Much appreciated X

pallasathena Thu 25-Aug-16 22:02:43

He's projecting, your partner I mean. You touched a nerve when you challenged him and I wonder what that nerve actually is.
Some men take against boys who are not their own sons...do you think he could be encouraging your boy because he subconsciously wants him to self destruct? Harsh question to ask I know but I've seen some seriously dysfunctional adults in my time. And I have seen this patterning of behaviour before.

freerunner75 Thu 25-Aug-16 22:27:04

Hi, to be honest that has run through my mind also in ashamed to admit. I tried to discuss with my son the potential consequences of taking any substances.. Saying that I didn't want him to end up on life support or worse... My OH made some reference to suicide which was absolutely not what I was getting at at all..., he didn't seem to grasp what I was saying one bit?!

He OH... Is a lovely man with a big heart on the face of it. But he has quite narcacisstic tendencies I am discovering.., Very quick to point out when something had not been done to his standards, or incorrectly, or forgotten.... Criticises lifestyle choices I.e what I choose to eat or drink..., there is no choice.. Unless I have salad when I go out then I get hell!! (Have put on a lot of weight and he hates it.... As do I )

I worry that this behaviour is rubbing off on my son .... Or affecting him?

Trouble is my son idolises him because he always supports him and is the dad that my son never had..... I feel stuck and helpless. Am so scared for my son. I'm taking him out at the weekend to go ape or something.., just us. Am hoping a bit of time together might do him some good. Am winging this...., it's horrible!

Thank you for your advice x

imother Fri 26-Aug-16 00:23:53

Firstly, if he's annoyed and doesn't want to sleep with you, then he moves bed. Not you.

Your partner sounds emotionally abusive and like he has little respect for you. Do you know much about ea?

With regard to your ds, I think education is the only way he'll wise and realise he is going to become a total loser if he carries on. Does he know the link between regular cannabis use and pyschosis?

Also do you know where he's getting the codeine from? Are these over the counter drugs?

freerunner75 Fri 26-Aug-16 07:38:05

I am learning about ea.... I think the term blissfully unaware has applied for the past 7 years... Things have got a lot worse over the past year since it started to dawn on me that things weren't quite right.

When we were chatting with my son about the severity of what he is doing, my OH told him that it could result in the police catching up with him. He said that if the police were to come to this house then he would kick my son, me and my daughter out of his house immediately as he doesn't want that image. 😔 He says he said it to shock... But it slipped out so easily.

My son thinks cannabis is totally harmless.. I am talking to him about it and drip feeding him facts. It's difficult to talk unless we are on our own as he gets angry. Thinks he knows it all and has researched it etc... Thankfully I have researched a bit and have been able to give him some facts which he couldn't argue with... I will look up psychosis today and print some facts off for him thank you. Feel so naive!

The codeine I found was called Zaprain. It's a prescribed codeine. He had two sleeves of that and one of co-codamol all empty. He swears to me he hasn't taken them but I'm afraid to say I don't believe him... It doesn't add up. X

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