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Am I doing the right thing?

(17 Posts)
summersunshineaddict Wed 24-Aug-16 12:30:22

ExDP and I had a tough time from about November and ended up breaking up a month ago. He was texting and sending naked photos to another girl he claims he's never met. He said he felt low and unloved and it drove him to that. He is a nice guy on the whole, great in family situations but also a bit (well a lot) lazy around the house - I do most things. We're still living together as we have no choice but to, he's said he'd like to get back together........I'm not sure what to do.

On one hand I remember being unhappy when we were together at the end but on the other I get so jealous at the idea of him with someone else. I also worry that I won't find someone better and yes I know I could be on my own but I'm a very cuddly person and missing human contact.

We'd have a good life together but I don't know what to do

princessmi12 Wed 24-Aug-16 12:36:42

there's more chance then not that he actually met up with her,if its just for sex. And once a cheat is always a cheat. Do you have dcs together?

Zumbarunswim Wed 24-Aug-16 12:39:08

I'd say getting back with him is the wrong thing to do! What does your gut instinct say?

summersunshineaddict Wed 24-Aug-16 12:45:09

No dc's, I'm not sure if being insanely broody is clouding my judgement too

My gut says its confused, we've been getting on well in the last few weeks but maybe because the pressure its off

ImperialBlether Wed 24-Aug-16 12:53:20

Oh don't even think of having a baby with someone who's already cheated. You'll walk into a life of misery.

summersunshineaddict Wed 24-Aug-16 12:56:13

Yeah that is my concern. We're just getting on really well and its making me very confused.

doji Wed 24-Aug-16 13:07:53

I think getting back together is the wrong thing. he hasnt taken responsibility for cheating - just blamed you for driving him to it. This is a man that will cheat every time you aren't giving him enough attention (when you are pregnant and feeling unwell, when you have a newborn that wakes every 2 hours that he does fuck all to help with etc etc). If that isn't the life you want, find a way to move out and move on so you can meet a man who treats you right.

summersunshineaddict Wed 24-Aug-16 14:52:38

Yes, that is my concern too to be honest. Even if he isn't doing anything wrong I will be worrying he might be.

TheNaze73 Wed 24-Aug-16 14:58:27

He may not have physically cheated but, he did emotionally, so that would be a deal clincher for me. Also, though he says he felt driven to it & you can't argue a feeling, the fact that instead of talking to you like an adult as opposed to sending pictures of his old boy to another woman, doesn't look good

adora1 Wed 24-Aug-16 15:57:56

He's not sorry OP, he's blaming you for what he did, pathetic, weak and untrustworthy so no don't do it unless you think you only deserve a cheat who can't even show remorse.

summersunshineaddict Wed 24-Aug-16 16:39:24

Yeah that is very true

I think I am just worrying about never finding someone else, I really want marriage and kids and all that malarky. Turning 30 soon is only adding to this as well

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 24-Aug-16 17:04:22

Lazy round the house? He does not sound like he would be much of a partner, even leaving aside the cheating.

summersunshineaddict Wed 24-Aug-16 20:42:05

No....that's true

category12 Wed 24-Aug-16 20:48:25

You're nearly 30 - you still have time to start over, find someone who is a good partner and have kids. Don't waste any more of your time on someone who cheated and would leave you to do everything if you did have kids. He won't change.

You're signing up for not good enough if you stay with him. Cut your losses, find someone great.

Resilience16 Wed 24-Aug-16 21:52:19

Sending naked pics and sexting-red flag.
Untrustworthy-red flag.
Blaming you for his behaviour cos he felt "unloved"-red flag.
Lazy round the house-red flag.
I can pretty much guarantee if you stay with this "nice guy "you will have more heartbreak not much further down the road...
Cut your losses now, work on your self esteem,value yourself and look for some one who treats you well.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 24-Aug-16 22:03:25

Stop living with him as soon as humanly possible.

You want babies. You don't want babies with a lazy cheater. You'd be better off with a sperm donor.

Get rid of the lazy cheater and thus make yourself available to people you might actually want to spend 40 years with.

Imagine you are at a bus stop. A bus arrives. It isn't going to your destination. Do you get on the bus? No, of course not, even if you have no clue when/if the right bus will arrive. You don't get on the bus because you know it is going to a place you don't want to be and when you are on it you won't be there to catch the right bus. Guaranteed fail if you get on the wrong bus.

summersunshineaddict Thu 25-Aug-16 09:50:09

rabbit that is a great analogy!

We're going to go for dinner tonight, going to hash everything out

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