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Fuck - this hurts so much

(8 Posts)
outofdepth Mon 22-Aug-16 21:44:48

Really hope it's only me that's experiencing this. No purpose other than to tell it to someone really

Mum of a late teen who lived with me until 16 - the dad and I split up when baby was 8 months old. When teen got to 16, teen decided to live with Dad and big family. I swallowed my upset and was cheery and supportive and took pride in the fact teen was able to make a big decision about what they felt was right.

3 years later teen is about to start uni and I am just an afterthought. Never contacts me or wants to chat unless I contact first or doesn't even seem to want to spend time with me <I send regular cheery texts and arrange to meet>

I would never say this to teen but it hurts so much. Am very proud of them and always say it and how much I love them and show by actions as well as words. Cannot help but think to the future when they have a partner and sure will very rarely see them or any grandchildren because I truly think they prefer Dad and big family and feels like they really don't value me or have any regard for me

Am crying now - I normally brush it away and try and focus on positives but it hurts like fuck that in the 3 month uni holiday teen has not seen me once or shown any real interest in spending any time with me other than a couple of token texts saying 'yes a few days with you would be good' and then nothing despite me gently tiring to organise that - yet knowing that they are spending lots of time with other family

Like I said - hope no one else is going through this because I'm really seeing such a bleak future and it really really hurts

Kittencatkins123 Mon 22-Aug-16 21:54:35

Can't believe it will be like this forever - teenagers are bloody teenagers - you are their mum! I did not appreciate my mum as a teen - now I love her to bits! You sound lovely.

Can you try talking to teen about it or maybe your ex, say you're feeling cut out and could they help talk to teen/suggest teen spends time with you too? Sounds like you've been the bigger person so hopefully relationship is amicable and they could help you?

flowers chocolate

HolesInTheFloor Mon 22-Aug-16 21:57:48

That sounds awful op flowers

Could you try phoning them, rather than texting, and tell them how much you'd love to see them?

If it helps I was an absolute horror to my dm from about 15-20, went months ignoring calls and not replying to texts, and she's my best friend now (I'm staying at hers at this very moment tucked up in my old bedroom). Teenagers aren't the kindest to their parents.

jellycat1 Mon 22-Aug-16 22:06:46

Sorry OP that must be super shit. Have to agree with PP that teenagers are often selfish beasts and one has to hope and assume yours will come back when ready. You are being a truly selfless and loving mum by the sounds of it - at your own emotional expense - and I am sure your love and steadiness is just being taken for granted right now for something more temporarily exciting maybe. Teens do grow out of their thoughtlessness. I did with my parents flowers

outofdepth Mon 22-Aug-16 22:26:50

Thank you all so much - it really helped to just let it out

I have tried calling lots but teen just doesn't pick up. I've tried all that I can think of - every kind of approach but get nothing meaningful back

Thanks for the kind words it helps.

bert3400 Mon 22-Aug-16 22:31:42

I am a mother of 4 boys . My two eldest (from PR) also went to live with there dad around 15/16 years . Saw them sporadically through their teenage years but they are now 23 & 25 and are round nearly every week for a bite to eat and a catch up . Please don't become resentful towards your children...as previous pp have pointed out ...teenagers are incredibly selfish but just keep the lines of communication open and let them know you are there for them ...but no emotional blackmail stuff ...that will have them running the opposite direction. Be patient they will return

outofdepth Mon 22-Aug-16 22:53:42

You've been so lovely - would never do emotional blackmail but I just had to tell someone because it hurts.

I was obviously so full of tears I managed to post the same tread twice - springydaffs posted some really useful info about dr Joshua Coleman.

Livelovebehappy Tue 23-Aug-16 08:54:44

Teens really are quite self absorbed. At least you have some contact via txt, and as OP's have said, things do change once they are out of their teenage years; they come to appreciate you more - something that gradually happens with maturity I guess. Is your DC boy or girl? I think that makes a difference as boys do tend to be more independent from you, even if they're living with you! Bet if you asked his father, he would probably say he doesn't seen or hear from them much either, as DC will be either out with friends or up in their room. I only see my teen at mealtimes most days.

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