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found out something about an old friend

(9 Posts)
MrTumbleOnRepeat Mon 22-Aug-16 18:37:01

At my old job I became close friends with an older gay man. We got on really well he would tell me about his trips and show me his art. I was one of the few people who knew about his HIV status and even went to his wedding. When I went off on maternity leave and then to my new job we would keep in touch via Facebook and have met up once or twice. I recently heard he retired and contact went quiet until today.

My husband has just seen in the local newspaper that he has been charged with the repeated rape of an underage boy in the late 90s/ early 00's. I feel horrified but not sure who I can talk to since it doesn't actually effect me. I feel like our whole friendship was a lie and how could I not see what a monster he was? He was the person I confided in when we were TTC and one of the first work colleagues to hold my DS, the thought of what he did to someone else son turns my stomach.

Not sure what advice I am looking for really, just wanted to get this off my chest.

OhTheRoses Mon 22-Aug-16 18:39:25

You don't know he did those things. He has been charged but not yet tried. Innocent until proven guilty I thought.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 22-Aug-16 18:39:57

That must have been a horrible shock for you.

I get how you feel, like all those special memories are a lie, and it makes you question everything you ever spoke about with him.

It's like a readjustment of the past.

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better op, but I do understand flowers

AddToBasket Mon 22-Aug-16 18:41:42

You could ask him. He hasn't died.

MrTumbleOnRepeat Mon 22-Aug-16 18:46:24

Sorry I should have put sentenced not charged he got 11 years which with his health issues it's unlikely he will make it to the 11 years. The newspaper says he is appealing but it's not looking good as his husband has also been sentenced and he has admitted it.

I am glad people understand I feel a bit of a drama queen reacting to this since I am not directly effected

EatSleepTeachRepeat Mon 22-Aug-16 18:51:22

When I was 16 I had a Saturday job in a little local shop, I worked alongside a small group of people including a man named John.
He was lovely - he used to walk me to the train station, he'd always buy the first pint and was very sweet to the little old dears that used to shop with us.

Found out a couple of years ago he was put away for a considerable amount of time for some serious offences which included children below the age of 5 and an aggressive assault on a 14 year old.
I had to sit down because I was in so much shock.

It's a horrible experience.

Goldenvalley Mon 22-Aug-16 18:51:35

It's the sort of news that would turn anyone's stomach. Are you wondering if they know his HIV status?

MrTumbleOnRepeat Mon 22-Aug-16 18:59:32

The HIV status did cross my mind and if he did infect his victim. He told me 6 years ago when he said he found out. So I am really hoping that he was infected afterwards.
He was always a sweet mild person at work I can't believe he could do something so evil.

Goldenvalley Mon 22-Aug-16 19:30:38

I feel for you. It's horrible and unsettling.

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