Hi my DH and I have been married 11 years and I have 2 DC, the youngest who has aspergers. He is a crap dad to the kids in the fact he will not spend time with them or give me a break by looking after them. They crave his attention so when ever he is about they play up something chronic. He has been getting more and more stressed because I have been putting pressure on him to step up as a dad. We have been together 20 yrs and it was his maturity at 20 that drew me to him he was very well travelled and full of good decent conversation but it is maturity that lets him down as a dad he cannot get down to a child's level at all. He also loves his house and can't stand it when the kids have toys downstairs. He has been to the doctor to seek help as he can't cope any longer and she has suggested that he is perhaps autistic too and I have since found out a big family secret that was kept from me -that as a child he spent 18 months in a school for children with behavioural problems. We have also just started counselling and I have sort of been told to accept that he can't look after kids and it is a mental issue rather than his fault. As a husband he provides for us -I work but he would be more than happy for me to stay home, he loves his order and his cleaning so he does all the housework gardening and all the financial bits and pieces. He also does a lot for his elderly relatives and does loads for my nan as well. He will do anything for anyone just not us or anything that involves mess or noise. I have been made to be the bad cop in all this as getting him to step up to dad duties has made him ill. I would just love a break some times as I can't ever go out with friends during the day or even go shopping on my own. The counsellor says I can cope he can't and I should appreciate him for what he does for us and others and NOT focus on what he doesn't do. It has made a difference I have been less stressed with him about doing stuff with the kids but deep down inside I resenting don't have my own life. The rare occasions we have time on our own together he is lovely and so attentive to me . So I have been selfish all these years or as my RL friends see how unhappy I am sometimes should I give him the boot? which a couple of months ago before started counselling I was going to do.
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