Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

ashamed

(53 Posts)
sjs85 Thu 18-Aug-16 22:29:55

I am looking for advice, I have been seeing a man for a couple of months, I haven't introduced him to my son who's 8, I was going to wait a long time before introducing him if it was going to be a long term relationship. My son's father isn't around and I have found out I'm pregnant. The man I am seeing doesn't want the baby, it was an accident but I want to keep the baby. I told my mum and she isn't speaking to me now, she said it's embarrassing and everyone will be ashamed of me and I'm very selfish having two children with no father around. I don't want to have an abortion as I know I can cope and the baby would be very much loved by me and their older brother. My mum says she can't face telling anyone as its really bad. What would you do?

iamtheurbanspacemanbaby Thu 18-Aug-16 22:31:38

It's not your mothers decision, it's yours. Don't worry what others think, make the right decision for you.

wonkylampshade Thu 18-Aug-16 22:33:48

Totally agree with urban- your baby, your choice. Don't give up a child you want and will love for the sake of someone else's shame, you'll never forgive your mum or yourself flowers

sjs85 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:09:59

I think everyone will think really badly of me my mum said I needed to be married or in a stable relationship if I was to ever have another child. She was so embarrassed when I had my son as I was only young but I did it all on my own even giving birth on my own and my dad picked me up from the hospital and didn't come in to see me in and I was terrified with a new born but I did it and now my son is a wonderful little boy and is really happy.

LuluJakey1 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:16:38

Keep the baby, dump your parents. They should lve you and be proud of you for being a good mum, never mind thinking of their own narrow views about lfe. No one is bothered these days about families having 2 parents - most don't, not consistently anyway.

LuluJakey1 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:17:30

I certainly wouldn't think badly of you. I'd think you were an amazing coper and a strong person.

Forgettheworld Fri 19-Aug-16 01:05:41

You most definitely shouldn't be ashamed. You want to bring a child up In a loving caring home lots of people in relationships can't offer that. Your parents are the one who should be ashamed.

MumofoneAsthma Fri 19-Aug-16 01:13:10

What sad world we live in where this is deemed shame. There is nothing shameful about bringing a child in to the world & loving it, no matter how it got here!!!

MUjunkie Fri 19-Aug-16 01:41:12

Personally I'd tell your mother to piss off! Your life, your body, your decision! Any mother that would be embarrassed or ashamed of their own daughter isn't worth a toss. You do what you want to do and fuck everyone else! At least you'll know how NOT to be a parent when your kids need your support in the future!

BlurtonOnKites4eva Fri 19-Aug-16 01:55:43

Your parents behaviour when you had your first sounds disgusting - they should hang there heads in shame.

Your Mum's not speaking to you? How horrible. Most normal people would massively judge someone for not speaking to their daughter in a time of need but don't care about the circumstances of your children's arrival just that you love, support and provide for them.

You sound strong and fab. You have nothing to be ashamed of - good luck.

DementedUnicorn Fri 19-Aug-16 02:09:56

What a lucky baby to have such a strong mother and lovely big brother smile

FetchezLaVache Fri 19-Aug-16 02:15:02

You've done it once, you can do it again! You sound like a fabulous mum.

RepentAtLeisure Fri 19-Aug-16 02:32:51

What sad world we live in where this is deemed shame. Agreed. The fact is, whatever the OP does after the point of finding out about the pregnancy has it's own hate mob to go along with it. Whereas the men who took an equal part in creating new life just swan off... It's totally fucked up.

OP - if your DM cares about the opinions of random gossips more than she cares about you and your family, it may be time to go NC.

WomanActually Fri 19-Aug-16 02:40:41

You are the only one who gets to say what happens to your own body. Your Mum doesn't get a say, it's not her decision to make amd trying to manipulate you into an abortion as she will feel ashamed is a shitty thing to do to anyone, never mind your own dd. You should what you want based on how * you* feel. Her feelings are irrelevant when it comes to decisions about our own body.

flowers

LellyMcKelly Fri 19-Aug-16 02:43:03

Congratulations on your pregnancy! If you want the baby, and you know you can cope, then go for it. Your son will have a brother or sister, and you'll have a beautiful son or daughter. Your mum? As much as she would like to think so, it's not all about her. This isn't the 1950s anymore.

TheNaze73 Fri 19-Aug-16 07:05:17

Your mum sounds like a nightmare. Fuck what she thinks & do what's right for you

AnyFucker Fri 19-Aug-16 07:09:14

Tell your mother to fuck off back to the 1950's

ravenmum Fri 19-Aug-16 07:13:33

Your mother is out of touch with the modern world. There is no shame in being a loving single mum. She should be ashamed of herself for not supporting her daughter.

How it is "selfish" to take on the task of looking after two small children on your own I really can't imagine. Your mum is being selfish by not helping you.

Shayelle Fri 19-Aug-16 07:15:54

You sound fabulous!! X

timelytess Fri 19-Aug-16 07:25:26

What you do is get on with being a great mum to your lovely little family.
Congratulations! flowers

Ifailed Fri 19-Aug-16 07:32:28

The man I am seeing doesn't want the baby.

Tough for him, if he didn't want to father a child, he should have taken precautions. I hope you've told him you expect him to contribute towards the cost of raising his child?

StealthPolarBear Fri 19-Aug-16 07:32:42

You poor thing.
assuming you do have the baby (which I think you should) do you have practical and emotional support?
Please dont hesitate to mention to your midwife and health visitor (you should see her before the birth) that you do not have the usual support.

StealthPolarBear Fri 19-Aug-16 07:33:26

What have your parents been like as grandparents? Did they come round when confronted with their own grandchild?

StealthPolarBear Fri 19-Aug-16 07:34:18

I feel sorry for you. I don't feel sorry for your children - sounds like they have a great mum and will get all the support they need in life from you

Oliversmumsarmy Fri 19-Aug-16 07:36:49

Your mum should get out more. Most of the people I know have children from different absent fathers.

I am probably nearer in age to your dm and I certainly couldn't see myself as being ashamed of dd if she came home and announced she was pregnant or if a few years later the same thing happened. I could only be excited. I certainly couldn't see any "shame"

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now