Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Cant breathe, he wants out after 8 years. Been together since 16

(106 Posts)
frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 21:50:46

Just cant stop sobbing. I feel like I cant breathe. I am so so lost.

Me and OH been going through a bit off a rough patch recently. We have been through rough patches before. He cheated on me a few years ago and left me out of the blue with no emotion. I had no idea till I looked through his phone. This time I don't know what going through his head. We have 2 children (aged 4 & 1), have a house together. On the outside everything looks perfect between us, we have a nice house, cars, children, he is fine when we go out with freinds etc.

He has been off for a few weeks when I said I feel like he shows me no affection any more and I wasnt sure what I wanted. Well the past week he has been the same and tonight has turned round and said he doesnt want to be in this miserable relationship any more. He is the miserable one - he wakes up and is in a mood and I cant stand it. I just want to be happy. He does make me happy when he's in his affectionate moods. He is saying he doesnt get time to see his friends on his own anymore and everything we do is "together" and i give him no breathing space. He doesnt go out often. So he's finished with me because I "Make him unhappy".

How could the man I am supposed to be marrying do this to me. Fucking evil bastards!!!

inlectorecumbit Thu 18-Aug-16 22:12:49

I think there is an OW somewhere.

He is making excuses and rwriting history putting the blame on you.

DayToDayGlobalShit Thu 18-Aug-16 22:16:29

Sorry to read this but have to agree with above.i think there is someone else, sorry

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Thu 18-Aug-16 22:43:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Aug-16 22:47:49

He is shagging someone else again

He is too chicken shit to tell you the truth though

Find your self respect and tell him to fuck off. This man will lead you a dog's life if you let him.

IreallyKNOWiamright Thu 18-Aug-16 23:01:20

Someone has turned his head. sad

HeddaGarbled Thu 18-Aug-16 23:01:33

He has cheated on you before and left you before. He is miserable and makes you miserable. He's a lying, selfish, unfaithful shit and you are well rid of him.

You are 24, yes? You are very young and you shouldn't live the rest of your life shackled to a man who doesn't treat you right. Don't let him blame it on you with all this crap about "not giving him breathing space". What does he expect with two children under 5. Selfish twat.

Tell your friends and family so they can support you. Find out where you stand financially and with regards to the house etc.

It's hard, really hard, but one day you will realise that you are better off without a man who can behave so badly towards you and his children.

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:04:19

I deserve so much better than this I know I do. He's not long got back from work and just ignoring me sitting watching the TV. He is is cold towards me I can't bare it anymore. I know it sounds like he's having an affair but it just would be impossible. He's with me all the time, then goes to work and comes straight home. We've not long just come back from holiday together. I was having doubts about is on holiday just purely because some times he is just not effectionate enough for me. I checked his phone itemised bill and there is nothing. I feel the way he is acting he might have feelings for someone else (maybe at work)? I just dno what to do now. How can he do this to me. I was crying down stairs and he goes "if I leave it's not a case of just leaving, it's a case of coming round to see the kids and you crying every time you see me telling me we should get back together". How vile is he being!! Any advice of what to do next would be appreciated. How can men be so fkin evil he has no idea. Lovely of him to do this when I handed in my notice a few weeks ago to go back to my final year at Uni.

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:06:09

It was only this morning I was talking about booking a holiday. I print screened a text he sent me Tuesday (2 nights ago) saying how much he loved me. I said how the hell can your feelings change like this over two nights. He is down stairs watching TV now. Im in bed crying my eyes out.

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:08:59

I said to him we all have our good and bad days we have been together 8 years with 2 kids - it's gna be hard. He just doesn't give a shit any more. I'm hurting so bad how can I face work in the morning ?

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:11:19

He put me through this shit before and I can't believe he's doing it again. Yes I'm 24. Him and my boys have been my entire life. I would do anything for them.

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:12:04

I just have no idea how to be strong :'(

puffinpants Thu 18-Aug-16 23:15:40

Can you take the day off with no childcare commitments? ( i.e. They would be wherever they would normally be) and think about what you want, for you- for the kids - everything. Take a step back - is he going to be here in year, two, five, ten? Why not?

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:18:11

I could have the day off yeah but I can't see what that will achieve sad

HeddaGarbled Thu 18-Aug-16 23:20:18

Stop crying in front of him. Don't beg him to stay together. Sleep in a separate room and do your sobbing in privacy. Don't cook his meals or do his laundry.

Tell him that he won't be coming round to see the children - once he's gone, he's gone and he will need to make arrangements so that he sees them but not you apart from very brief handovers.

Do you own the house jointly? Joint savings? Get on the CMS calculator and find out how much maintenance he will pay.

Google search for the chump lady website and read about the pick me dance etc.

Missgraeme Thu 18-Aug-16 23:21:32

He has a second phone.
He is playing you.

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:22:18

Own the house jointly. He's the main earner. Obviously I'll have no job come September. I'm so weak - I just can't imagine life without him.

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:33:27

I just feel like I want to run away for a few days. But how could I do that to my children

HeddaGarbled Thu 18-Aug-16 23:35:01

Good news about the house. It might be worth seeing a solicitor to discuss your options re staying in it with the children or selling up and splitting the equity.

Of course you can't imagine life without him. You've been with him since you were 16, barely out of childhood. That's not weak, that's all you've known as an adult.

You won't feel this now and this will take a while but one day you will be glad you found out what a tosser he is at the age of 24 when you have your whole life ahead of you, rather than at the age of 40 or 50 or 60 when you'd wasted your life on someone unworthy of you.

You need some support right now. Do you have a mum you can call on for help or a good friend?

Runningissimple Thu 18-Aug-16 23:37:09

My husband did this a year ago. I could have written your post. Only difference is that I'm 40 and it's 20 years of my life I wasted with the miserable twat.

Get out. You are so young. It's over anyway. I know it feels impossible but he's a dead weight and you're better off without him.

Get legal advice about the house. Get him out, mourn and suffer. In a year you won't know yourself.

I wish I was you - I'll never get those 20 years of my life back.

I know it bloody hurts though flowers

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:40:45

I just wanted a happy life with him. He is a complete stranger. I have a mum who I live close too. She's seen me go through this last time. The thought of him with someone else just kills me. I don't want to be on my own.

Runningissimple Thu 18-Aug-16 23:40:57

Oh - and my ex was having an affair. Lucky lady hmm

frozen123 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:42:55

I wanted to leave him a few months back but now the tables have turned im thinking what a mistake I was going to make. How do I act in this situation ? I've lost him haven't i.

onanotherday Thu 18-Aug-16 23:44:34

Running is sooo right. I did 20 years to. Believe us when we say it will be miserable. It will get harder as kids get older. Don't waste your youth and the childhood of your kids.
Be strong flowersflowers

Runningissimple Thu 18-Aug-16 23:45:45

As long as you're with this man who does not love you, you are alone. I have so many friends now and my kids, my family, my work. I was alone with my sulky husband for years. Now he's gone, my life is fuller and richer. And I've made so many new friends in the past year and reconnected with old friends. I don't really understand how but there's nothing more lonely than being with a partner who doesn't love you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now