I've got myself in a right state tonight, and I can't think straight. This is going to sound like such a stupid problem compared with everything else on this board, but here goes...
I'm 30 and I bought my first house 2 months ago. I've been single for a year or so and recently started to talking to an ex from a long time ago (think 19 years old). There's been nothing sexual in it for me and I've made that clear. Just before I bought the house, he asked if I fancied a holiday and could stay with him. He is working overseas... I won't say where but it's a LONG way, and somewhere I've always wanted to visit. Again, there was no implication of anything sexual. I thought it would be fun and was feeling stressed about the house buying and couldn't afford a proper holiday so I booked the flights. They weren't cheap.
All was well. I'm meant to be going in 9 days. But I don't want to. My ex has been making jokey comments about us getting together, which I've pulled him up on and then he laughs it off. It's made me uncomfortable. Also I really really really don't want to leave my house. I know that sounds crazy. But I just don't want to go. I want to buy some paint and spend a week doing that. I don't want to get on planes and socialise for two weeks.
I've spent so much money on this already. Over 1000. I have always wanted to visit this place and I do have waves of excitement about it but mostly I just don't want to. I have a history of anxiety and it may just be that playing up, but I'm so confused I don't know if I will regret it if I just don't go. My ex probably won't speak to me again either. I won't have the money or the chance to go to this place for a long time either. So I feel like I'm crazy for not wanting to go, and it's such a ridiculous problem to have!!! It's making me feel like a failure if I have to say to people oh actually now I'm not going because I wanted to stay in my little terrace house!!
Any thoughts would be appreciated. I know I sound like a spoiled brat. I just feel so conflicted and don't know what to do.
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Relationships
Am I crazy for wanting to do this? What would you do
Halfwayoranges · 18/08/2016 21:36
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