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How can you make relationship more intimate if DH is a practical person?

(12 Posts)
itwasmuchbetter Thu 18-Aug-16 08:48:37

DH is brilliant in that he is very practical, sorts out everything, hands on with the DC, works hard etc. He is my rock. However, he struggles on the emotional side iykwim. He can also seem very distant at times but that is because he is thinking of how to fix something, what needs doing etc. This sometimes makes me feel like he doesn't fancy me although when I've told him how I feel he says of course he does and I know what he's like. I suppose I should be grateful for all his good qualities and I am, but I really would like to connect more emotionally.

Patheticfallacy Thu 18-Aug-16 08:49:39

I have no advice but will await replies as my dp is similar.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 18-Aug-16 08:54:25

My ex was the same and it drove us apart, sadly. He never spoke about his emotions, bottled things up and was really bad at talking through issues or problems.

I hope you manage to change things, though. I know how tough it can be.

jeaux90 Thu 18-Aug-16 10:08:01

If you feel like the connection isn't there can you be more proactive and work with him on the stuff he is fixing? Do more things together that he thinks are for you and your DC?

Zaphodsotherhead Thu 18-Aug-16 10:38:17

My OH is also like this, and I've no answer for you. Is he emotionally literate generally, or does he just ignore anything like 'emotions' and come over all practical if you have an emotional emergency?

doji Thu 18-Aug-16 10:41:11

Have a read up on love languages. It sounds like you have different ways of expressing/feeling loved. Neither of you is wrong, but it might help you describe to him what you feel is missing, but also see that he is putting effort in, just in a different way.

headinhands Thu 18-Aug-16 10:54:58

What's your sex life like op?

singleandfabulous Thu 18-Aug-16 11:36:45

My ex was like this. I ended it as I felt abandoned and unloved.

Never again will I become involved with a man who can't show his feelings both with words and physically. I don't care how many cups of bloody tea he brings me.

itwasmuchbetter Thu 18-Aug-16 14:45:58

Thanks for replies. Yes in a crisis he is very practical. Funnily enough a few years ago he felt threatened by another man showing me attention. It really upset him unproportionally and he became very emotional about how much he loved me etc. It was very intense, but all back to normal a while later. Sex life is good and frequent but miss the intimacy outside of that.

adora1 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:46:35

Are you not getting intimacy when having sex or does he only come near you when he wants it?

We all need to know we feel loved, sounds like you are trying to convince yourself it doesn't matter, it does.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 19:33:55

Well if he likes finding solutions why not ask him to find the answer to this one?

If he doesn't want to be more emotionally open then he won't change. If he actually feels that it is a flaw in the relationship and he is willing to learn some new behaviours to make you happy then he needs to find the right resources that work for you both. It would be a very personal thing.

engineersthumb Sat 20-Aug-16 15:17:06

I have to hold my hand up hear and say that I'm probably very much like your DH in this regard. I tend to be more mindful of the practicalities than the personalities. I've been accused of being emotionally stunted too! What I would say is I'm mind full of that but that is who I am. Discuss it together but my only advice is find those intimate monuments where they appear. Hope this helps a bit.

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