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Don't know if I'm just expecting too much!

(16 Posts)
Amb2904 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:26:09

Okay, so I've been seeing a guy for just over a month now and when we are together things are great. I think we have got pretty serious very quickly. He is a self employed builder and when we were first dating he told me he had a very busy 2 weeks then it would calm down... 5 weeks on and he still hasn't had a day off work!!!

He turns up to my house late with excuses such as dropping wages off etc...

He was going to come round tonight but has cancelled because he has finished really late.

He told me things would change if he had a girlfriend and he worked so much because he wasn't seeing anyone.

Now I feel like the only time I see him is late at night and we don't do anything anymore.

I have tried to be understanding but I'm now getting to a point where I don't know if it's worth it. I don't want to give up but I don't know if I have much choice.

Buzzardbird Sun 14-Aug-16 20:29:48

I'm guessing you are young?

Ineversaid16 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:30:05

Just start being really busy as well? Like really busy, see what his reaction is.

TokenGinger Sun 14-Aug-16 20:31:41

I think five weeks in is not serious and I wouldn't be changing my routine for somebody so quickly either. However, it sounds like he just sees you as a place to stop by.

My brother said something interesting to me this week. I told him a guy I'd been on a date with had offered to walk me to my car and I said he didn't need to. My brother said if a man ever offers that again, accept it. By declining, you're telling him you're not worth being walked to your car.

It sounds like something similar has happened here. Are you sleeping together? It sounds like he's getting what he wants from it without putting in much effort taking you out or spending time together and so he probably doesn't see the need to change it.

Grannypants1 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:34:31

Are you sure it is because he is at work?

Amb2904 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:35:16

I am 23 and he's 26...

We have slept together a few times but not everytime he comes round.

I'm on maternity leave so I'm at home a lot...

He comes round every other night and doesn't always stay over.

Amb2904 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:35:40

Grannypants1 yes I'm sure it's because he is at work

Buzzardbird Sun 14-Aug-16 20:36:17

With his child?

Amb2904 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:36:47

No not his child.

Resilience16 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:43:26

If he wanted to see you he would make time to be with you. To be indifferent/late/cancelling this early on in a relationship would indicate to me he either isn't that bothered, or possibly has got someone else on the go.
Have you spoken to him about it? Has he actually said he wants a serious relationship or is it just a casual thing? Don't assume just because you see things getting serious that he does too.A month is pretty early on to be thinking about getting serious, to be honest.
If you both want different things/have different expectations then you are probably best cutting your losses and moving on.
Good luck!

Buzzardbird Sun 14-Aug-16 20:47:05

As you have probably already been screwed over I suggest you don't let it happen again.

Grannypants1 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:47:25

Sounds like he is treating you like a drive by. Popping round evenings. Does he take you out? Do you plan trips? If you are on maternity leave you are either pregnant or have a younger child and as you have been with him less than a month, it isn't his. Have you had the discussion about what you want and he is looking for a serious relationship with kids involved? One month is a very short time to say it is serious when there is a little one in the picture. if he was really committed to this you would know by now. If it has fizzled out after only a month then it realllllllyy isn't going to work. You deserve someone who wants everyone to know you are together and wants to do things, not some masked phantom who only appears when the streetlights come on.

Funko Sun 14-Aug-16 20:49:05

Or... He's a self employed builder and would be daft/can't afford to turn the work down?

I imagine that work can be quite seasonal and with less people wanting building work/jobs done at certain times of year... I.e. Winter, run up to Christmas etc.

chocoLit Sun 14-Aug-16 20:50:15

I'm self employed. I work stupid hours like you wouldn't believe and it is all consuming and exhausting. It maybe this but I just don't think so, not within 5wks...............

Take heart from that but get out now whilst you're early on.

Grannypants1 Sun 14-Aug-16 20:50:31

Also please never think that actually waiting someone to spend time with you is expecting too much! That is the basic principle of a relationship. If you want a relationship you should expect that and more and then only accept who meets those expectations. Don't ever sell yourself short op

Amb2904 Sun 14-Aug-16 21:03:49

We have had the discussion of what we want and we have both said we want the same thing. I don't know if I'm just overthinking things because I have more time to think.

We have said we want to be together and we have told family and friends about eachother.

I get that being self employed and being a builder he will take the work when he can because as stated winter etc people don't want building work so I totally understand that and wouldn't want him to turn it down.

My daughter is only 4 months old. We have been out a few times but I don't like leaving her with a babysitter really lol.

He has invited me to go to his friends wedding with him in a few weeks time so he can't think I'm just some sort of a fling if he wants me to do things like that with him?

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