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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Has anyone's relationship survived their partner kissing someone else?

73 replies

minime88 · 14/08/2016 14:46

Just that really.

OP posts:

Report

Missgraeme · 14/08/2016 14:48

Personally that would be it over for me.

annandale · 14/08/2016 14:52

Loads.

I read a lot of memoirs and stuff - a lot of 'we were completely faithful for 45 years except for the odd kiss'

Dh tried to kiss someone else when we'd been married about 3years, he was upset about something I'd done (not a kiss), was a non-event as he til me a few days later, ten years on I can barely remember anything about it.

A kiss is not nothing, worth talking about and working out what is going on, but it's not the end unless you want it to be.

ButIbeingpoor · 14/08/2016 14:53

No. He claimed it was just a kiss goodbye ( with tongues? Yeah, right)
They were clearly having an affair but he denied this for over a year.
Funnily enough, I think I could have got over the affair, it was his lies that killed it.

NameChange30 · 14/08/2016 15:00

I think for most people it probably depends on the circumstances. If you tell us a bit more we can give you better advice.

ToastDemon · 14/08/2016 15:14

Well, it's infidelity. But some people's relationships do survive all sorts of infidelity. I suppose it would depend on the couple and the circumstances.

Theselittlelights · 14/08/2016 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minime88 · 14/08/2016 15:58

I have a one year old DD with this guy....been together over 3 years....he went on a work night out came home in an absolute drunken state, barely walking with lipstick all over his face. Confessed yesterday that he snogged a colleague...not sure what to think.

OP posts:

deadringer · 14/08/2016 15:59

I got married very young and when i was in my twenties i kissed a couple of guys on nights out. I was fairly hammered both times and i am not proud of it but i never told my dh and i never will. I would never have slept with someone else so one thing doesn't always lead to another ime. The kisses meant absolutely nothing to me i didnt even fancy the guys. We are married nearly 30 years and i hate to think that my dh might have ended our marriage if he had found out. Imo a marriage should be able to survive this if there is nothing else going on and you are both otherwise happy. If it's a dealbreaker for you thats fair enough.

RomeoIsBleeding · 14/08/2016 16:04

Would be over for me. Not because I consider a kiss to be the end or the biggest betrayal in and of itself, but because a kiss means that that door which lets other people into your life in that way is not completely closed. And it should be.

winefairyagain · 14/08/2016 16:06

What Romeo said

TheNaze73 · 14/08/2016 16:25

Total deal clincher for me. It means so much. I think the fact that a lot of prostitutes will willingly let men lob their cocks up them, yet not kiss as its too intimate says it all.

It's cheating op. What's your angle?

RomeoIsBleeding · 14/08/2016 16:28

Actually, I came back on here to say something similar to TheNaze (but not so crassly ). A kiss is incredibly intimate.

Easystreet52 · 14/08/2016 16:34

I wouldn't end a marriage over it especially if drunken but I would still be absolutely fuming and would be encouraging a change of job if with a colleague.

Easystreet52 · 14/08/2016 16:35

I would say a kiss is very intimate if both parties are fully aware of what's going on but I have to say, when I was younger, I kissed blokes on nights out and wouldn't even remember their names the next day, if I asked it at all so I would only say it's really intimate in the right moments.

UptheAnty · 14/08/2016 16:36

Really?

I do think sometimes people go overboard with the emotive stance on the relationship board at times.

A kiss with my dh is incredibly intimate - at times. But in my life there has been times when I could have been kissing my own reflection it was so unemotional and shit.

What I would be more concerned about is what the fuck has been going on with this woman? How close are they at work? Has there been intimacy between them before this- how much time do they spend together?
What's been going on with your relationship up to now?
What is your partner doing / saying about it?
Guilt- remorse or did he only tell you because you caught him?

The fact that he was stupid enough to come home covered in makeup tells me he may be no great secret operator

I'm not minimizing the kiss btw- but it needn't be a deal breaker alone.... Possibly.....

timelytess · 14/08/2016 16:39

Observation of musicians would suggest to me that they kiss like bastards - anyone, everyone, even me if they could get me to agree to it. To me, its infidelity. Shake hands with people, that's enough!

AgainPlease · 14/08/2016 16:50

Interesting.

I broke up with a boyfriend I'd been with for over a year in my early 20s when I found out he'd kissed someone else...

Here are the circumstances though and if they were different, maybe the outcome would have been different: he was abroad on a group holiday all staying in one giant villa (mix of boys and girls who most of them were mutual friends of ours), I was away with family so didn't go. When he got back he confessed that on TWO occasions he'd kissed one of the girls from the group during nights out there. It was one of the girls who I didn't know personally.

I ended it BECAUSE it was a friend of a friend, all of our friends in the villa knew about it (they had all witnessed it) and it happened on more than one occasion.

IF it was with some random girl at a random bar who he'd never bump in to again once he was back home in England, then maybe I'd have forgiven and forgotten.

OP, if it's a work colleague I'd be incredibly upset and suspicious.

Rudymentary · 14/08/2016 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minime88 · 14/08/2016 17:39

Well he's 36 so kind of old enough to know better I think....

He swears on our daughters life he has never had contact with this woman before and she was kind of just there....said he will quit his job if I ask him to and do whatever it takes to stay with me.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 14/08/2016 17:43

Yes - I've done it myself, not proud of myself, I was very drunk and I behaved badly and it happened on two separate occasions my DH wasn't there at the time so I am not really sure if he knows or not, I didn't 'admit' to it - but he saw the state I was in when I came home so might have guessed . Long time ago, we've been married 30 years.

sooperdooper · 14/08/2016 17:46

Yes it has, it was a difficult time but we got past it and that's that

UptheAnty · 14/08/2016 19:09

Well... Do you believe him?
Do you want to stay together?

It is possible he's telling the truth.
It's also possible that he's a usually trustworthy person who made a mistake.

He needs to address his drinking.

You should probably not make a desicion to quickly and give yourself time to think...and observe.

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AnyFucker · 14/08/2016 19:14

A kiss (alone) might not be a deal breaker for me but I do not trust anyone who "swears on someone's life"

People who do that are, in my experience, almost invariably lying

LineyReborn · 14/08/2016 19:18

How did you find out?

NameChange30 · 14/08/2016 19:18

Yes I found that very suspicious as well.
I also think he is an absolute twat for involving his daughter in the whole sordid thing.

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