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Meeting babies grandmother for first time to "talk" help

(10 Posts)
Lil292 Sun 14-Aug-16 01:25:06

Hi
Me and my daughters dad where never together, we saw eachother a few times but it was just casual. Well shock after we stopped speaking I found out I was 18 weeks pregnant. I told him and he pushed for an abortion and said a lot of horrible things. as I was already 18 weeks I said no and told him I would be keeping her.

I had her in 2015 and he did try to be involved but I stopped him as all the horrible things he said, I didn't feel like that was the type of person I wanted in my child's life. Well I had time to think it over and a few months passed and I realised he could change and it might be the best thing, I told him he could be involved and he had changed his mind and wanted no involvement with her.

i decided to contact his mum on Facebook, he had previously told me he had told his mum. His mum contacted me and told me she had no idea. I sent her a long message regarding our relationship and how it all happened and how I would love her to be in her life.

So she phoned me a while ago and said she couldn't speak as she was at work but wanted to let me know she got my message. She text me a week later asking if we could meet rather than hold a conversation about this over the phone. I said ok and she suggested a day and place we could meet to "talk"

I don't really know what she means by "talk" or what about and if I bring my daughter?

Doinmummy Sun 14-Aug-16 01:33:56

I'd take it as she wants to get to know you and her grandchild.

CannotEvenDeal Sun 14-Aug-16 01:39:12

In her shoes yes, I'd most likely be expecting/hoping to meet the baby.

JenLindley Sun 14-Aug-16 01:40:29

What are you worried about? She wants to talk so you go and find out what she wants to talk about. And yes bring your daughter. I'm sure she'll want to see her grandchild!

Lil292 Sun 14-Aug-16 01:44:28

I'm just unsure if she meant for me to bring her as we live 100 miles away from eachother (meeting halfway) and she can only meet at 7pm as that's when she finishes work, so bit impractical to take daughter. So didn't know if she just had meeting me alone in mind.

JenLindley Sun 14-Aug-16 01:49:40

Ask her? Maybe you could change meeting to a weekend day where you could meet earlier and bring the baby.

BurningBridges Sun 14-Aug-16 02:00:51

sounds like she just wants to see you first - I'd tread carefully what if you have any issues with her? Just go on your own, if she's lovely then make arrangements for a meeting during the day closer to home.

sykadelic Sun 14-Aug-16 02:22:14

I would think at 7pm that she doesn't expect to meet the baby on this particular visit but I would send her a message and ask. I would get a little photo album together for her with a bunch of photos, or perhaps a CD that has photos and some videos so she can see her.

I think you need to figure out some logistics like:
1. How do you think contact is going to work? How often, what medium etc
2. Are you going to keep meeting in the middle or is she going to come into town or you go to her town?
3. Do you want the rest of her family to meet the baby?
4. Would you be willing to do a DNA test to prove it (you could use her DNA to show the familial link)? This wouldn't offend me, it's just too easy to lie and she'd be broken hearted to bond and then find out she's not her granddaughter
5. Would you Skype or Facetime?

Not to mention the very hard question: "what do you want/expect from me?"

Lil292 Sun 14-Aug-16 09:11:20

I actually paid for and sent him a dna test in the post which he assured me he would take as he had doubts and I was getting fed up of them. When it arrived he told me he was throwing it in the bin and that he accepts she is his!! I just don't think he wants to know definitively that she is his, in his mind it's best thinking that she "might not be!" But I've told his mum that he refused one.

I've sent her a text saying "Friday is fine, I will try to arrange childcare" I'm hoping she will either come back with ok or "bring her", although I'm not really sure what she wants with me on my own, especially when it's a conversation we could have over the phone.

sykadelic Sun 14-Aug-16 16:37:26

There are some conversations you shouldn't have over the phone though.

- she might have some things to say that you'll consider unpleasant and she's worried you'll hang up before she can explain what she meant
- she might want to see your reactions and have you see hers
- she might want to get a "feel" for you (really done best in person)

You are the mother of her grand daughter. I think it's a pretty positive sign that she wants to meet you in person. It's easy to have a phonecall and just ignore you and your daughter. It's easy to say pretty flowering things and not follow through. Going to the effort of meeting you halfway to have a chat with you, I think it's good and hopefully, the start of something wonderful smile

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