ExH was verbally, physically, financially abusive.
I left him and have had lots and lots of support on here. I knew the summer holidays would be tough as he has them for 2 weeks (the longest period of the year), and I knew I would wobble. So far I have done quite well - I've seen lots of friends and family, and the time has whizzed by, much better that last year when I was contemplating going back to him because it was all so hard.
Over the course of the year and a half since I have left, ExH has maintained contact with the DDs, on average one weekend per month and half of the shorter holidays - this is his choice, DDs ask to see him more, he says no. Even this summer I offered him 3.5 weeks, he opted for 2.
He is wilfully underpaying CMS, he is hiding all of our money in advance of a court hearing, leaving me and the DDs with literally nothing. I earn, and so we live. He lives in the 4-bed marital house. We live in 1-bed at my parents.
Over the summer hols, he spent the first week with them in the house, they went to the park, his sisters, nothing else, he won't let them see their friends, and he wouldn't pick up when I called/wouldn't let them call me for 4 days after they left. This was horrific for me last year, this year it was to be expected so I prepared for it, but hard nonetheless.
I last spoke to them on Tuesday, so not too long ago. They were on their way to visit his sister who lives by the coast. They have taken the DDs to the beach yesterday, and the zoo today. I know this because of FB posts from his sister. So they must be having a good time. I assume they are, because exH is still not picking up the phone, even though he heard DDs ask me to call them on Thursday. They are young, 8, 7 and 3 and so I do like to call and see how they are doing, so its hard when he doesn't pick up, eldest 2 have both said they ask to call me but daddy says no.
My question is - he is obviously a shit. He is lying and devious and financially screwing over his children.
But when I hear he has taken them to the beach/zoo, I have an urge to just patch things up and get on with it, it makes me question why I left him (physical violence in front of DDs) and if I totally misunderstood him and have indeed screwed up my life making myself a single mother of 3, and leaving the perfect partner behind. Why do I do this? He was truly horrible, is he slowly getting better?
It sounds go ridiculous even typing it down. I just need it to be rationalised as a normal feeling to have, then I can accept it, and live with it, and move on. As it is I am scared that he will become a better and better dad than he was, in which case us splitting would be a great mistake. My best friend suggested he might want to take them abroad next summer (he refused to when we were married, so I used to take them with my parents. But they are getting older/easier to manage now).
I shouldn't be mad, as its obviously a good thing if their dad loves them and spends time with them. But it feels like a confirmation that I did the wrong thing by leaving.
I have a counselling appt next week because I have developed anxiety, esp in the run up to some very contentious court proceedings to sort out finances with him. Why do I feel like he is winning this? I left him because I was right to do so, but now I am questioning myself.
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Can anyone talk me through this? It's just my usual summer holiday wobble as exH has the DDs for 2 weeks...
8 replies
Namechanger2015 · 11/08/2016 20:17
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