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Totally Give Up? Wait? Move On? HELP - PLEASE!

(52 Posts)
MakeLoveNotWar16 Thu 11-Aug-16 14:27:44

Hi guys,

I need some advice as i'm in a little pickle.

Basically i'll try and keep this fairly long story short and stick to the key facts in order to not bore people when reading this!

So....there's this girl at my work place, this girl is beautiful, she is everything i'd look for in a girl and more. Obviously there's more to a relationship than just looks but over the past i'd say a year, maybe less, we've been very close. Close in they that we're always talking to each other in work (like for example in the work kitchen) or by the works instant messanger service thing. It's got to the point where colleagues see us both in the kitchen and often mention that we look great together! This even happened on Tuesday when a lady who we both work with pulled the girl i like to one side in the office and said "when should i buy the hat for the wedding!?". She carried on by telling her that we would make a great couple as there's so much chemistry!

You might be thinking that i'm in the 'friend zone' but honestly there's something there. For example she's a very forward and confident girl (pretty girls tend to have this) but she said the other day that with me she feels shy and all school girl like and that i'm the only person she knows who she feels like that with. Also EVERYTIME she walks passed my office (this actually just happened. Edit - twice!) she looks at me without fail (you have to turn your head a full 90 degrees to look at me).

Now you're probably thinking "well....what's your problem, you like her and it sounds like she likes you..." but there's a huge spanner in the works...

She has a partner. Yes bad news....even more so now that they've just bought a place to live together. It's hard to dress that up into anything positive for me but recently she had to move out of her parents house as they were moving abroad....She was then given money by her parents as a leaving gift in order for her to have her on place. The issue being that they didn't give her enough for her to buy her own place....and this is where the BF comes in. He's invested in the new place also otherwise she'd be homeless. Now i'm not her to slag the BF off, i'm also not going to comment and say "Oh she's not happy with him, she should be with me etc etc". I know they have issues and they're trying to work through them.

So obviously i'm here thinking what if and in a way, i wish i was that guy because i just have that feeling me and her would be great together due to everything i've mentioned and the fact we have so much in common.

I'll add and this which will reflect badly on us, we've been out a few times this year and we've ended up kissing. Obviously we could have a full blown affair but that's obviously not good for either of us in the long run or the BF. Now we try not to go out together as is could end up in a way which we'd regret.

There's actually another girl in the office who's a lovely, sweet girl who I went on a date with a few weeks back and the other girl was not happy what so ever. She thinks it's unfair for me date someone under her nose in work....i said it has nothing to do with her!

So as you can see...there's something there! I just feel like there's literally nothing i can do at the moment, i think the world of her but i just can't have her....well in the way that i want. How would you guys deal with this situation? Would you try and move on (something i'm struggling to do)?, do you carry on as things stand and wait and see what happens with her relationship? Or do you stop all communication as it could end in tears.

Help....please! : -/

StillDrSethHazlittMD Thu 11-Aug-16 14:32:03

You're a mug and an idiot. Leave them both well alone and find someone totally outside of the office.

tornandhurt Thu 11-Aug-16 14:34:27

Honestly, as harsh as it sounds she knows you like her and she's using you to boost her ego! - well that's what it sounds like to me anyway.

If she wanted to be with you she would.

I'd leave it alone and find happiness some place else!

She did not buy a house with her partner because she was forced into it because she couldn't manage on her own.
That and the 'you make me all shy and school girl-like' comment: she's playing you. She loves the attention.
The girl is bad news. Avoid her before you get hurt.

Oysterbabe Thu 11-Aug-16 14:58:40

She will string you along for as long as it amuses her then marry her bf. Trust me, this is going nowhere.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Thu 11-Aug-16 15:07:30

Crikey, i read these messages and pop to the kitchen and who walks in....

Wow strong comments which i totally respect (except the idiot comment). I've let feelings get the better of me, i know the situation is not good.

NameSake Thu 11-Aug-16 15:25:42

I get its hard when you have feeling for someone, but with anything else the truth will always come out, her BF will find out, which will spill into work - and one of you will end up having to leave when it all goes Pete Tong, do you want to take the chance with your career that it could be you.

happypoobum Thu 11-Aug-16 16:20:58

Yep, you are an ego boost and a distraction. If she didn't want to be wit the boyfriend she wouldn't be. She knows you like her as you have got together a few times already.

As for her telling you who you can and cannot date - can you not see what a piss take this is?

Agree with PP, you need to get out more and date women who you don't work with.

mickyblueyes Thu 11-Aug-16 16:45:27

"You're a mug and an idiot" - A bit strong!

MakeLoveNotWar16 - she does sound like she's played you I'm afraid. I think you've got to be strong on this one and walk away from her. If she's willing to treat you like that and tell you that she feels it unfair for you to date someone under her nose etc...whats she going to be like if you and her were in an actual relationship?

As for her BF - Don't be the 'Other Man'. She may be beautiful on the outside, trust me from experience...on the inside she sounds like she has an ugly side.

Walk away.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Thu 11-Aug-16 22:15:36

i appreciate the comments guys, i really do.

I did forget to mention that she recently said to me that she COULD possibly be HAPPIER being with me than her BF but she said it was too much of a risk to take if it didn't work out.

She also said if we met at another time (if we were both single), we'd be together.

I know i know, time to move on! sad

AnyFucker Thu 11-Aug-16 22:21:35

You are being played dude

Cary2012 Thu 11-Aug-16 22:25:44

Absolutely time to move on OP. Stop massaging this silly little girl's ego. Dear God she's playing you like a cheap fiddle.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Wed 17-Aug-16 12:20:45

Hi all.

After a well needed weekend away with my daughter, i had a little time to think about things.

From the comments above it seems you guys think i just roll over and let this girl do as she pleases but it's not true. She often tells me that i'm one of a very few people that stand up to or corrects her when she's being out of line. Trust me, if she's being a fool then i will tell her straight, something which i did yesterday.

So after coming home from my trip i decided that i wanted another day of peace from my work place and decided to work from home. Within an hour of being logged on BOOM a message pops from her asking how i was and if i had a good time. This was after another work colleague of mine was messaging me about the work night out i missed on Friday and claimed that this girl (the girl i've been talking about) was sat with a guy (a freind of a few people who work at my place and someone i know as I went to Vegas with him and other freinds) and apparently they flirted all night. Now this source is majorly unrealiable so i took it with a pinch of salt but i could also in a way, imagine it happening. I guess your mind creates what ever you want to believe in your head and of course it just adds more crap in my mind to think about. So going back to the girl who this whole post is all about, i responded to her message a little offish which she could sense probably straight away as i used her name which is something i rarely do. I went on to explain how great my trip was etc and asked her about her weekend and the work night out. i also mentioned that i heard she'd been chatting to this guy all night and I sarcastically said it was cute. Obviously she didnt like reading that and said they were chatting about relationships etc (her BF, his GF and his work etc, i heard different). Obvously it's none of my business but i know what she's like and i know what he's like, both huge flirts so i took what she said with a pinch of salt. Anyway again, i only said this to her because she soon pipes up if i'm chatting to females in the office so i thought i'd give her a few digs back.

After this i also told her i wasn't happy with the situation, i told her that i didn't think she was genuine and I told her i wasn't happy being second choice/back up. She said she was upset about those comments and said that she cares about me som much....blah blah blah to which i said that she should put herself in my shoes and would she be happy with the way that she was being treated. She told me that i was being nasty and that i should stop to which of course i said it wasn't exactly a nasty comment. I then proceeded by saying that i was fed up of talking about it that i would probably see her in work today. I have briefly, again she's looked at me 3/4 times as shes passed my office door but we've not had the chance to speak.

So that's it at the moment, i've thought back and given her something to think about and put the ball in her court. If she wants me in her life in some form then she needs to work a miracle.

IrenetheQuaint Wed 17-Aug-16 12:24:04

Move. On. This situation is a waste of your time and energy.

Peakyblinder Wed 17-Aug-16 12:27:36

Blood hell are you both 15?
You've got a daughter for Christ's sake and your messing round playing silly games with a girl who frankly likes the attention, not you!
Let it go. Grow up and move on!

bluecashmere Wed 17-Aug-16 12:28:43

It is still going nowhere. You are still being played. You are investing far too much into this. Move on!

DoreenLethal Wed 17-Aug-16 12:29:19

She has a partner. And it ain't you bruv.

MatildaTheCat Wed 17-Aug-16 13:25:39

Do any of you ever do any work, ever?

Work and relationships are best kept very firmly apart. There are good reasons for this. When it all goes pear shaped one of you will be looking for another job.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Wed 17-Aug-16 13:42:16

You didn't like it when I said you were a mug and an idiot. OK, you didn't seem to mind mug, you didn't like idiot.

Your recent posting merely reinforces that I was right first time.

MakeLoveNotWar16 Wed 17-Aug-16 14:26:54

"You didn't like it when I said you were a mug and an idiot. OK, you didn't seem to mind mug, you didn't like idiot.

Your recent posting merely reinforces that I was right first time."

I think i agree with both now. sad

offside Wed 17-Aug-16 14:34:35

Oh my goodness you really need to grow up!

Not only should you not even be having these types of conversations with her, or even be bothered if she is flirting with some other bloke, but could you really trust her if you didn't become an item? She's already cheated on her DP physically and emotionally with you and by all accounts is flirting with someone else. Get a grip and give your daughter a better role model.

offside Wed 17-Aug-16 14:35:03

Did* become, obviously.

HuskyLover1 Wed 17-Aug-16 14:51:52

You have a child?! I thought you were about 16, from what you've written.

Look, she is with someone else. She is flirting with you and at least one other guy that you know of. There will be more men, by the way. She is chatting up random men, even though she has a BF at home. If she was your GF, she would be flirting with other men behind your back. That is who she is.

Your child deserves a better role mode (and eventual Step Mum) than that.

Bin her and move on. A good way of doing this, is to remember when she is flirting with you, who she is choosing to go home to (and get in to bed with).

MakeLoveNotWar16 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:50:21

I know HuskyLover1, it's totally pathetic and after reading some of the comments above i'm starting to realise what a fool i've become. Call it blinded by 'love' perhaps as i feel that strongly for the girl.

And you're exactly right, there could be other guys i don't know about and trust would be impossible with her.

She asked for my help today (work related) and i was pretty offish with her after carrying on from what i said yesterday. She then messaged me to say "oh if this is the way it's going to be now, it's going to be fun" and then announced that she needed to get away for a bit and that she booked a holiday last night...and is now on her way to the airport. I won't be seeing her until Monday which is a nice little relief actually.

But it's time to move on guys I know this. Deep breaths, here we go.

springydaffs Wed 17-Aug-16 16:41:24

New 'love' does make us all idiots imo.

But it's not love. She is completely playing you.

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