My partner, Henry and I are young parents to our 1 year old daughter, Ivy - we've been together 4 years with an 11 month break in between but I am now in a place where I am not sure whether or not our relationship should continue... Henry is a fisherman and spends all of his time fishing, when he isn't he's at the pub with his friends or relaxing on the sofa which is the only time we get to spend together. We never go out and spend quality time together and I feel as though we have lost a lot of emotional intimacy in the last year or so. He is a very closed person and so we don't talk much (actually, at all) about how we feel. Whenever I try to get advice from him or tell him about something I am feeling I just get one word answers. He is also very messy and needy - I often feel as though I am just his carer - the person who cleans up after him and makes sure his life runs smoothly so that he doesn't have to do any of the work that everyone else does to keep their life running smoothly. He doesn't help with anything at all. I always thought a relationship meant working together as a team but I feel like I am the only one putting work in and he is the only one really benefiting. I don't feel loved or satisfied (and I feel so guilty to say that but I've been kidding myself for far too long...this was the reason that we parted ways when we split for almost a year). He isn't particularly interested in being a father and that is the thing that I find most difficult to deal with. He barely spends any time with ivy (because he's barely ever home) but when he is, he's more interested in watching tv and relaxing... I've tried talking to him about things that I'm unhappy with but he never changes a thing. I know being in a relationship is all about compromise and accepting each other for who they are and not trying to change them but I feel that making little changes is not too much to ask. He gets irritated when I'm upset and refuses to talk to me when I am annoyed so I try and suppress it and just deal with it on my own and get on with things... He tells me that I'm 'fussy' and 'obsessed with cleaning' (I'm not - he is just very messy and only baths once a fortnight, if that - I promise that isn't an exaggeration - and gets irate if I suggest that he should wash.) he makes me feel bad about myself but is comforting at times. When it comes to sex, he likes to be 'kinky' and isn't one for making love. I don't usually mind but sometimes I'm just too tired from looking after ivy all day or just want to feel loved and be intimate with him but (in his own words) he just wants to 'f*ck'. I don't think that he respects me or sees me as an actual person in all honesty and I thought I could cope with that but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I just need to know if what I'm feeling is normal. Am I being overly sensitive? Am I greedy to think that I deserve better? Is it too late to leave now that we have a child together? A few months ago he took me to buy an engagement ring but has told me that I need to 'earn' it, and if I'm 'wife material' he will ask me to marry him but honestly I'm not too sure that that's what I want...his family give us a LOT of support (they bought the house that we live in) and we owe a lot to them - am I being ungrateful if I leave now? I am raising Ivy practically alone with no help from him, only his family - he wouldn't even watch her when I had a job interview and if I ever go out with friends I have to ask his mother to watch her. Any response will help so much - advice, a definitive answer, or even just telling me to man up and get on with it would be a help. I just feel so buried under all of these feelings and questions and desperately need an outside perspective. Thank you x
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Relationships
Is our relationship worth working on or is it time to say goodbye?...
MamaW96 · 10/08/2016 22:15
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